SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi Bahama,

How are you doing? All of us are worried that you won't come back and will be dealing with all this betrayal on your own. But we can all understand if you decide the exposure is just too much. Someone suggested communicating in PMs to a few posters whose advice you found most helpful. I would recommend that. You need your tribe, and unfortunately we are it now.

Best,

Odonna

Bahama,

I don't know if you are at least watching this forum.

Look back at your post from 3/12 and the BS that your wife was spouting. YOU were trying to understand her point of view. SHE was blaming YOU for her affair and why she got close to the POSOM.

I REALLY hope you have gotten to a lawyer and will make a solid plan so that you and your children are protected and financially ok.

You wife is a selfish, manipulative person who cares nothing for you or your children -- she may SOUND like that and speak the right words -- but her actions clearly show that SHE is more important than your family.

PLEASE make sure you don't talk with her for anything other than finances/children and the divorce. I hope you find a good shark lawyer and get a good settlement.

Bahama,

I've read your story and my heart goes out to you. I hope you are doing okay and that you can get to a place of peace no matter what you decided to do with your damaged marriage.

I understand that it must be hard to have your WW read your posts on this forum if she has indeed found it. If so, from what I've read the overreaching message I've seen from you is one of overwhelming pain and yet love for your WW. Reading your posts should help drive home just how much damage she has done to you, the OBS, and your families. It's really all so sad for your young family.

You are indeed the captain of your own ship and will act in ways you see best. You haven't done anything wrong by posting on SI. This forum is a place for the betrayed to find anonymous support. Take what you need and leave the rest. I hope you are getting the support and love you need right now. Take care of yourself and your family.

Someone suggested communicating in PMs to a few posters whose advice you found most helpful. I would recommend that.

This seems the way forward to maintain some support during this very testing time.

Good luck.

Bahama,

Brother, I am so sorry. If you are still reading, I wish I could help with the repeated violation of you by your cheating wife and the POSOM. While I am never amazed by the soullessness and depths of shitty behavior cheaters repeatedly exhibit, violating you again by invading this space after all the hell they caused is just a level of evilness that makes me want to puke.

I know you want to save your marriage. But I pray that your head will be clear and you can make a good choice for you and your family. Your wife has problem. Good women DO NOT DO what she did and keeps doing. She has and continues to abuse you. Her affair is 100% her inner demons. And by repeated contact, invading your privacy, and continued manipulations, she IS showing you who she is and who she really wants to be.

You cannot cure her.

You cannot.

No matter how much you love her or want her to love your family, she is who she is.

Sometimes love is NOT enough.

I pray you have strength to do what you need to do to SAVE YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTERS from the toxic wasteland your wife has created and wishes to keep swimming in. Because if you do not save yourself, who is going to be there for your children? Do you think in the end she will pick them over her selfish and entitled needs? She has already proven that she will NOT...

The amount of speculation and assumption people post on this site is pretty staggering. Some two weeks ago Bahama was on vacation with his family and things were going ok, all things considered. Then he posted and said please shut down this thread and delete it because my WW got a piece of information that either came from here or from back channels with OM.

All of this is occurring within a month of him finding out about this disaster. At that point in time, ups and downs for everyone involved is fully to be expected. Everything happening to Bahama seems to be in the normal range of expectations after an affair of this magnitude. But so many people assume the worst and call it out over and over.

Nobody here knows exactly what happened or what his WW found out. No one knows what she said to him or how she handled it. Yet some people are posting as if they lived next door to them and are popping over for afternoon conversations every day with Bahama. I really think we ought to deal more with facts and perspective that is grounded in reality rather than making things up and extrapolating from that point. Different perspectives on how to handle recovery and getting out of infidelity are incredibly valuable and are served up very well on this site. But it can't be helpful to have people imagining things that have not even been alluded to and then giving advice based upon that.

I can't help but think that this dynamic may be part of the reason someone like Bahama just gives up on this site. Whatever is happening, I hope he is getting the help and assistance he needs and deserves.

There is space for about 23 threads here on page 1.

Once a thread drops to page 2 the odds are high they will quickly move on to the abyss of page 3 and beyond.

SI is often compared to a hospital where the JFO forum is the ER where all the traumas initially arrive to.

A ward focused on triage and getting over the initial trauma. Depending on the service offered or required the cases go on to other wards – other categories like General, Reconciliation, Wayward Side and so on. Places that are maybe more focused on long-term healing.

If Mr. and/or Mrs. Bahama pop back in to SI, then it will be their choice if they bring this thread back to the top of JFO by posting. Maybe they would prefer to start a new topic in one of the more healing-based places. Maybe they think they got better resolution on another site. That is totally their prerogative.

What I suggest we the so-called medics, nurses, doctors and surgeons here on the JFO forum do is understand that there is a 23-bed limit and we let this thread slide away and focus on the new posters looking for our help.

BS only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:49 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

There is absolutely no need to chastise people here who are very concerned about Bahama. It was an abrupt departure from Bahama which seemed to be made out of panic. The patient checked himself out of the hospital while still suffering internal bleeding. The concern is about finding him and getting him to come back before he bleeds out.

It's pretty staggering that someone who has just come on staff is now trying to direct the triage and doing performance assessments on those with considerable experience from their own situations and observation of a lot of cases.

Bahama has not returned. There has been a lot of imploring for him to return. I wish he would. I worry he is being controlled by his WW but I don't know that. He obviously doesn't feel safe here anymore because of actions by the POS AP and his WW. I worry he isn't safe anywhere. However, it is his call. At this point anymore encouragement or directives will unlikely have the desired affect. Let's look after others until he returns, if he does.

End of the day, he is a grown man.

He can handle his business or not.

He is the master of his own universe. What he allows is what will happen. Posting on SI changes none of that.

It's his call to do what he does or not. Good luck to him.

It looks like Bahama has left the building, if he comes back fine, we'll be here to support him, if not that's ok too, I wish him luck, he's going to need it.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 11:25 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]