I would, and I’d want to ... that’s me though!
My valentines gift was the realization that my SA is basically a dry drunk. At least, that’s what I think that’s what dry drunk means
We’ve had a two week break from MC/My IC due to weather, schedules, etc.
He’s been lying to all of us, or rather, to his “support system” and IC. Telling me he’s telling them all the hard stuff. Keeping us all compartmentalized
But in reality he’s just trying to “look good” for them - smooth waters instead of talking about the real stuff. He likes the “atta boys”. Or as I told them last night “the emotional blow jobs”
If he really wants to be healthy he’d tell his IC what’s really going on, instead of lies.
It’s a cycle - he “does the work”. Gets caught in a stupid lie tied to his hiding himself, trying to look good, blaming someone else, etc, he “really makes changes”. “Now he gets it”. Etc. float along - repeat.
The worst is, he has changed, I like him more. But it’s not enough to change a little, I need real work that gives us a real chance.
We had MC at 5 pm and as we walked in I warned him it wasn’t going to go well. I’d made notes and a timeline of the past month and a half. I ended up crying hysterically, MC sent him out and we talked a long time
Yes he is not acting out, yes he’s going to IC, etc
But he’s not really doing the work, I’m the only accountability and I cannot take it. My nightmares are full on all the time, I’m not functioning in life, I just cannot. I spend my life looking for the lie, and I shouldn’t, he has people in place for that who aren’t doing that, his IC, his “accountability (feel good) partner”
I don’t see a future - because he’s not really working on himself. I’m done I said I cannot do this anymore.
She and he had a no bullshit talk. He had to contact each of his people and have real talks with them. My IC/our MC isn’t one to take any crap.
For logistical reasons he has until June - if nothing really changes I’m out. That’s the deadline, but honestly, I can leave today.
I’m just so sad. So broken. I really thought we were on the right track, but in reality he was just playing games