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Not at all Western. Good advice. As I mentioned, I just wanted to share my personal experience and certainly it may not be the right decision for everyone. It's good to give your point of view so BucBlitz can figure out what's best for him and his family. I'm sure I do speak for Western when I say we wish you the best of luck in handling this tricky situation.

IMO separation will just put you in limbo longer than you need to be there.

As everyone says it's just time for her to try out her other man full time. Seen this way too many times.

You'd be better off filing for D.

D doesn't happen overnight and it starts the clock ticking.

Wake up

So how did the meeting with her and the kids go?

Separation only works when you have a spouse that is truly repentant and WANTS to reconcile. Your WW is nowhere near that...not even in the same ballpark.

We are encouraging you to divorce now in order to spare you the anguish and torment of watching your wife continue on with this affair, humiliating you, herself and her family in the process.

No one is going to stand up for you and your self worth. You have to, and you do that by filing for divorce and showing your WW that you are not going to sit back and be ignored and disrespected.

Oh trust me there is no reconciliation even on the table for me. The talk with the kids went really well. I’m trying to make it as easy as I can on them for now. I don’t trust her as a wife anymore but I know the love she has for her kids and I have to believe in that until she shows otherwise. I am honestly done with the relationship and she is not embarrassing me or my family at this point only herself. I am honest about why we are separated at this point she chose her badge she can wear it. The finances have been split already and we have separate bank accounts now. We sat down and worked out all of the kids charges for school and activities and our credit cards and have divided the charges up equally. We will be filling for divorce after Xmas not because I am holding on but because between work, kids and family I just don’t have the time this month. I’m sad that something I thought was so good had died but as I told her in our last conversation, “I hope you find the happiness you have been looking for and in the end I hope it’s worth everything you’ve lost.” I’m not angry just extremely disappointed at this point. I know I’m still young, have a great job, am a good father and will move on from this. I don’t let myself get bottled down by emotions to much because there isn’t a damn thing feeling sorry for myself will change. I’m going to be there for my boys when I have them and live my life to the fullest when I don’t. At the end of the day as long as I wake up to see the sunrise I know I’ll be ok.

You have a strong healthy mental attitude but be prepared for sudden unexpected emotions (especially anger). You have a long road ahead of you. We'll be here for you ...check in often.

I suggest IC.

I suggest doing some nice things for yourself: weekly massage, new clothes, take up something like kick boxing, take a night class - anything that is just for you.

That’s great advice Robert thank you. I actually have an IC appt scheduled for Thursday this week. I figure it wouldn’t hurt to talk to someone about it. I’m a gym rat anyways so I’ve been focusing a lot of free time to that and to changing the house into MY home rather then our home. Also think I’m going to take up a cooking class when I don’t have kids as well. I’ve always enjoyed cooking and figured it won’t hurt for when I’m ready to date again as well 😜

[This message edited by BucBlitz at 7:30 PM, December 3rd (Monday)]

Buc,

I admire your mental strength and position you have taken on your situation. You are damn right nothing comes out of feeling sorry for yourself. My ex wife also was a nurse. It seems nurses cheats a lot and hearing your story just reminded me of how easily a person can throw away everything for something so insignificant. At least we can live our lives free of guilt and regrets. Stay strong brother!

Hey how are you doing?

Please don't hesitate to check in. You are not alone.

Sharing our burden and lessons learned gives us strength - and helps future victims if infidelity.

Buc, you are in a good place. Mine wanted to try separation too to continue his A but I said no. Really, they all seem to say the same stuff. They then were talking behind my back. You are in a better place believe me. Your pain will be over sooner and you can move on to a better situation. I am glad you are not struggling and wanting her to be someone shes not while she continues this. Keep focused on the future and your boys.