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What are your thoughts on these types of places? Strip clubs are a deal breaker for me, but porn doesn’t bother me at all. These type of restaurants bother me, but I’m not sure why. Trying to sort it out in my head on why I’m triggering.

Edited to shorten my post. Trying to post less details about my life since I’ve been identified in previous posts.

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 12:15 PM, August 7th (Tuesday)]

Maybe because you want him oogling YOUR boobs only????

Maybe you feel a bit threatened with wait staff dressed to show off their boobs??????

I don't know....

k9

This guy sounds amazing and, as a poster who "knows" a little about your life, I'm very happy you met him.

I can understand your trigger. In my world when a waitress, no matter the costume, flirts with my man I get uncomfortable. I think it's because my X would grab those vibes and return at a later time to see if he could get lucky. He had no shame about it and that made any woman anywhere a potential target of his, and a potential OW of mine.

I constantly have to remind myself that it was about who he (X) was and not about what a woman might do to open the door to his predatory nature.

I hope you have a great trip with your new guy. You deserve it.

I look at everything differently as a BS post A.

But the pre-A me would have had the following thoughts:

I'm not a fan of those places as a rule. BUT I could see the difference between a once in a blue moon type thing [bachelor party, mile-stone birthday night with the guys] vs a routine visit.

I constantly have to remind myself that it was about who he (X) was and not about what a woman might do to open the door to his predatory nature.

That’s the weird thing. I can’t picture this guy actually doing anything inappropriate. Everything I know about him tells me that he wouldn’t flirt with the waitresses, and I can actually even picture him being annoyed at it. But then I’m like... so why go? Is my gut instinct about him wrong? He’s pretty vocal about telling people when he doesn’t want to do something. Like, he’s really blunt. It’s something I adore about him, but also laugh at. So it completely surprised me to hear that he was going with his guy friends, and surprised me to hear him say it’s about the food and not the girls.

Have I read him wrong? Am I going to find out in a year from now that he’s just another good manipulator?

so why go?

It could be the food... Back when I was still in my marriage, I would go with a supervisor to Hooters (his choosing, and he paid) and found I loved their chicken sandwich.. I personally didn't really care about the place.. yes, the eye candy was nice.. but meh..

Once my eldest got a lil older, I took him there to get him out of his shell.. and it was the same.. just to give him a different place "us guys" could go to.. but nothing else..

Now, It still doesn't really do anything for me.. I haven't been there in years since it just hasn't been in the budget where I can take my son again.

I still love their chicken sandwich, assuming they still sell it.

Yeah.... but aren’t there other places that offer good chicken sandwiches? When I’ve had guys tell me that in the past, I’ve thought “do you really think I’m that dumb?” Clearly the women play some part in the decision to go there.

The objective part of me knows that I’m over reacting. I just can’t seem to stop myself.

Those places actually make me kind of sad more than anything. There's a chain by us where the servers wear not much more than a bathing suit and it bothers me. I guess it makes me feel like they have to put themselves on display to get good tips and that's not right, or something?

I don't know; I can't articulate it very well. I don't feel uncomfortable because of SO, though. We've been to this specific place twice (once with his family, once with coworkers) and he didn't ogle the servers or anything. My discomfort didn't lie with him at all.

ETA: I feel the same about strip clubs... HELL TO THE NO.

[This message edited by wildbananas at 3:03 PM, August 7th (Tuesday)]

I call BS on it’s the food. Something compelled you to go first. You have to want to go before you can try the food. I’m not interested in any guy who frequents these places. If the food was delicious the waitress would be fully clothed and there would be waiters too.

For whatever reason, I am not at all enticed by scantily-clad (or not at all) women in an attempt to get my money.

I have never been to a strip club and I have never regretted not going, even for a second. I have actually left and gone home when a group of friends decided to go to a strip club (and I was single at the time).

I have gone to Hooters a couple of times as part of a group. The entire experience was meh.

I have heard from others that Hooters sells really good chicken wings, but I have never tried them.

So, without knowing anything about you or your new guy...

So it completely surprised me to hear that he was going with his guy friends, and surprised me to hear him say it’s about the food and not the girls.

I can honestly say that I would go there but it would have been about the social aspect (i.e., hanging out with the guys) and the girls were not a factor (for me). I don't recall the food being so good that I would go out of my way to go to a Hooters.

[This message edited by barcher144 at 3:28 PM, August 7th (Tuesday)]

I have further developed the notion that atmosphere or location has nothing to do with someone wanting to cheat or what not..

You can go to a nail/hair salon and flirt with the male security guard or an automotive shop and flirt with the female cashier.

It's all in the individual person.

My “icky” feeling has nothing to do with cheating. I don’t think he’s going to cheat with a waitress. It’s not even a thought in my head. But at the same time, I just feel gross thinking about him there. And less excited to see him. I wish I didn’t feel this way. Sigh

I know there is a bad stigma around those kind of places.. just like bars, casinos and/or those adult shows they host.

[This message edited by LilBlackCat at 5:04 PM, August 7th (Tuesday)]

He avoids the main touristy bars here like the plague. Hates them. He will cancel plans and stay at home rather than go downtown. He also avoids strip clubs, and doesn’t like casinos. So what makes this different? He says the food. I don’t get it.

Can you name a place nearby that has good wings, burgers, and chicken sandwiches that he could go to also?

If not, then it is likely cause of the food..

Another thing.. they usually carry boxing/MMA fight nights and most popular or local sport events. Could be that he wants to enjoy the food and not pay the inflated price to watch sports at home through PPV as well..

fyi.. some locations even sponsor local teams in varying sporting types.

[This message edited by LilBlackCat at 5:15 PM, August 7th (Tuesday)]

It’s not a Hooters restaurant. It’s some type of restaurant like that which I had never heard of until yesterday. Googled it, and all the reviews are naming specific waitresses. They are dressed in shorts and plaid halter tops. But yeah, there’s soooo many restaurants where we live. I moved here a year ago, and have tried maybe 5% of the restaurants. There’s an endless list of places.

When I told him I didn’t like those types of places, he immmediately said he’d pick somewhere else. And I convinced him not to. Don’t want his friends thinking I’m weird or not liking me. So it’s really not his fault that I’m feeling this way. I need to snap myself out of it. Argh.

oh ok...

Well, some things are just not for everyone.. hopefully you don't have to end up there often.. and with some help he will find suitable replacement restaurants to enjoy the foods he likes.

Twin Peaks? If so, they actually do have good food. I've been twice and really liked the meals I had there.

Now, if my W didn't like it, I wouldn't go. It's not that good. But it's a good fast casual place. And yes, the attractive waitresses don't hurt. Men like to look at attractive women, if they didn't, places like that don't exist. Women do too, hence female models that are selling to women are very attractive as well.

None of this excuses the behavior. If you love their food, TOO BAD, that's what happens when you cheat. Get over it.

Yeah, Twin Peaks. How over the top is the flirting there? He acted like it was a lot, and said it annoyed him. But he goes for the food

I would say it's just like any Hooters or Tilted Kilt type of restaurants or sports bars (I looked them up).. The waitresses likely flirt to help boost tips and that's about it.

No different than some restaurants or bars where the bartenders/waiters do the same to the women.