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my WW thinks they are bad, they must be good. Or maybe just not really a big deal... but I guess that is for you to decide.

[This message edited by Lazarus at 7:39 AM, August 8th (Wednesday)]

No different than some restaurants or bars where the bartenders/waiters do the same to the women.

Well if they're wearing a loincloth maybe...

Going to Hooters for the food is like saying you read Playboy for the articles.

(Is Playboy still a Thing?)

When my DS was in 6th grade,he came home with an invitation to a b'day party,headlined "TYLER's BIRTHDAY!" He handed it to me & said "I already know that you won't let me go!"

I thought,"Why wouldn't I let him go??" and then I saw that the party was at Hooters.

Oh yeah, I know they have great wings, but if you met Tyler's DAD you'd know why the party was at Hooters.

My fWH is older, so IMO it would be SUPER CREEPY if he went to one of these restaurants.....the waitresses are only slightly older than our DD. No judgement on the girls who work there - I understand the job may pay / tip better than others.

Fortunately, WH has never liked (as far as I have known him) these types of restaurants, and stopped going to strip clubs before we started dating.

IMO, for a bachelor party or something like that - ok. Or if it is the only place in town to watch Monday Night Football (there are plenty of places where we live). Otherwise - no. The food is not that great that you can't find someplace else.

I would also add that I think its different for younger, single guys to be "looking" at the waitresses. Married / committed men, older men - ick.

When I told him I didn’t like those types of places, he immmediately said he’d pick somewhere else. And I convinced him not to. Don’t want his friends thinking I’m weird or not liking me. So it’s really not his fault that I’m feeling this way. I need to snap myself out of it. Argh.

A better way to handle this would have been to say "Thanks, I appreciate it!" Your insecurities and need for control are getting the best of you and giving your man mixed messages. This would have been a great opportunity to see how he handled it too - would he have gone to his friends saying "LonelyGirl10 is against Twin Peaks because she doesn't like half naked women. Yeah, I know, but just trying to make her happy." or "Eh, I'm over that place. Can we try X that opened up across the street?"

I'm not a huge fan of my man being around scantily clad women either, but I trust his boundaries and pick my battles. If I'm going to get upset every time there's a half-naked flirty woman at a restaurant, concert or beach, it's going to make for a long and hard life.

Finally, Twin Peaks' buffalo chicken salad is incredible so you can dispense with the food snobbery.

[This message edited by kpstartingover at 1:23 PM, August 8th (Wednesday)]

Yeah, Twin Peaks. How over the top is the flirting there? He acted like it was a lot, and said it annoyed him. But he goes for the food

Moderately. The waitress will usually touch you on the arm with her hand, and may push her boobs against you for a moment at times when serving the table. Beyond that, it's just the normal stuff, how you doing handsome, come here often.. Nothing crazy, no "wanna go out back and get more comfortable" or anything like that, at least not in the times I've been there. In fact, if I was looking to pickup a waitress for sex, I wouldn't go there, those girls are hard as nails, they get hit on 100 times a day, I'd go to a fine dining place if I wanted to pickup a waitress because I think they'd be less used to that kind of attention.

When I told him I didn’t like those types of places, he immmediately said he’d pick somewhere else. And I convinced him not to. Don’t want his friends thinking I’m weird or not liking me.

I am over trying to be the "cool" wife (in my case, or gf for others). If something bothers you, it bothers you. I think your WH had a great reaction by offering to pick another place (which really is half the battle and does help), but if you would be bothered and anxious, its ok to admit that and say "thank you" while he picks a new spot.

Going to Hooters for the food is like saying you read Playboy for the articles.

When I was younger, I did read the articles in Playboy, although I also enjoyed the photos too. In modern times, where it is so easy to find photos of naked women on the internet, I would probably skip the photos altogether.

Haha, I was going to defend Playboy too. It really was a good magazine back in the day. If you just wanted to look at naked women, there were other options for that.

[This message edited by Lazarus at 1:26 PM, August 8th (Wednesday)]

Your insecurities and need for control are getting the best of you and giving your man mixed messages.

For what it’s worth, my issue is not my need for control. My issue that I’ve discussed in IC is being so scared of controlling someone(and being like my mom) that I end up being a doormat.

He went last night. We didn’t talk about it, but texted about other non related stuff after he got home. I may wait a few weeks and bring up the issue of places like this in a general way so he will know my viewpoint without it being related to him going on a specific night. Then see if he goes in future or not. My fear is that he will go and not tell me, similar to how my ex did. But that’s my insecurities from my past. He’s done nothing to make me think he’d do that.

Moderately. The waitress will usually touch you on the arm with her hand, and may push her boobs against you for a moment at times when serving the table.

See, that makes me uncomfortable. That’s different than a SO looking at a girl as she walks by in a bikini, or noticing a girl out in a bar. Boobs should not be pushed up against my SO.

He’s told me he wants me to set boundaries with guys who flirt with me, which I totally agree with. I don’t see how this is different from that.

I dunno that that you can truly control that.. as it can happen anywhere.. and these days, if you don't simply ignore it and walk away.. someone is bound to record your outrage and post it on social media..

Which is worse?

Slight t/j, What the hell is this prejudice against us "Old Men"??? I am 68 (at least my body is ) and I LOVE to look at pretty young ladies!!! My motto is "I may grow old BUT I refuse to grow up"!! Women are very pretty and am I not allowed to look??

THAT is BLATANT AGISM!!! Seriously my body is 68 but my mind feels like I'm early 30's !

We are men and when we get over being men we will be dead. I'm NOT ready to be dead yet! It is really sad for me to think that just because I like to look at beauty that people think I'm "ikky". I behave myself when I'm in those places, I act like a gentleman.

This post was started out humorous but as I think about it this is about people judging us "old men" badly because of our age. I had a post up awhile back about dancing and the fact that my wife can't anymore. I am a very good dancer (as I do still get compliments about it) but some lady on here came out with "oh I guess you are one of those old men that women run away from because we might ask them to dance" Not an exact quote but close enough. I was insulted because this woman did just that. Insulted me for nothing more than surviving all that has been thrown at me to actual reach this doddering old age.. Just rude.

Do you ladies like it when people disregard you because you are a little older? I'm sure you run across it and I'm willing to bet that you don't like it either.

Just a note to all you puppy's out there. "Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Just saying

t/j over sorry

Candyman, if you're a gentleman who has self control then try not to take it personally. If you don't blatantly stare as if looking at an oasis in the desert, you're cool. But if a 68 year old man is obviously ogling 22 year old women, I am sorry but most people would find that a bit creepy. I'm near 30 and if I caught someone old enough to be my grandfather checking me out...I'm sure you can understand how that would be uncomfortable.

For what it’s worth, my issue is not my need for control. My issue that I’ve discussed in IC is being so scared of controlling someone(and being like my mom) that I end up being a doormat.

Just an outsider's opinion, it seems like you are trying to control him.

Pot/Kettle disclosure: I am saying this as someone who tries to control people in his life too (and I am in therapy for that, too).

See, that makes me uncomfortable. That’s different than a SO looking at a girl as she walks by in a bikini, or noticing a girl out in a bar. Boobs should not be pushed up against my SO.

You are correct that boobs shouldn't be pushed up against your SO. He should know that too and he should not allow it to happen. It's very possible that he does not allow something like this. You need to get a really good feel/understanding for his boundaries. It seems that you are assuming that he doesn't have them, but he might (likely does!).

He’s told me he wants me to set boundaries with guys who flirt with me, which I totally agree with. I don’t see how this is different from that.

It is and it isn't. Guys are flirting with you because they want YOU. The waitresses at these bars are likely (not always) flirting because they want tips.

If you don’t absolutely love the food, and can find comparable food elsewhere, why go in the first place????

If you don’t absolutely love the food, and can find comparable food elsewhere, why go in the first place????

When i was trying to be Cool wife 1.0, i went to hooters and those places with ex. "see? i'm cool! I let him do whatever! I'm not a nag!"

Didn't work. He Cheated anyway.

Now I have had co-workers want to meet up at such a place and I declined, because i'm not cool 1.0 anymore and watching them being fools isn't enjoyable to me.

But if it was a guy group and BF wanted to go, i wouldn't be pleased but i really wouldn't care. They can cheat anywhere if cheating is their inclination.