Congrats on making it through your first year AG!
I'm coming up on DDay 1 Oct 20th, then the real DDay Nov 3rd, so I'm preparing myself for that shit show. Unfortunately that is all right in the middle of a really big work project I have on Oct 28th, with prep and wrap on either side, otherwise I would just take those entire two weeks off.
Puffstuff, yes, this is all unbelievably High school, but then again, so is life. I remember in college thinking, wow, some of these people are still so immature. And then post-college, same thoughts. Even interacting with some of the soccer moms and all of their drama, I realized, the immaturity aspect just never goes away for some people. This is what they know, how they learned how to interact with people, and as long as they aren't being called out for it or facing any consequences for it, the behavior will continue.
I know this is why my XH is the way he is... he learned all of his sex addict coping mechanisms as a really young kid, and never did much to fix them. Wouldn't go to therapy, or meetings, hell, wouldn't even admit that he was an addict, even though he was spending hours on end in the bathroom, and I was finding masturbatory paraphernalia all over the house and even in his car. No matter what consequences I put in place, he found ways around them. It just proves to me that even with consequences, you can't hold someone accountable if they don't want to be accountable.
He refused to admit that it was an affair. I guess texting me that morning that he wanted a divorce made it ok to bring her back to our house and fuck her in our bed that night - something my 20 yr old step daughter overheard btw, because their room was next door, and she couldn't sleep.
In many ways my 20 yr old step daughter is light years ahead of my XH in maturity. After everything went down post DDay and he moved AP into the house, SHE confronted HIM about how fucked up that was. He screamed at her "Why doesn't anybody care what I want?" Real mature
Also she's been dating the same guy for a year and a half, and she has already told me that both of them want to get into individual therapy so they can each work on themselves. She and I talk a lot about how therapy has helped me navigate my way through this, so I can only hope that she is learning from that. I'm really proud of her for recognizing that she needs help, something her Dad never seemed to have the capacity for - he sought relief in all the stereotypical wayward ways.
She has been anxious and depressed for the past few years, and whenever she tried to talk to her dad about it he just said "So what, do we need to get you some of those depression pills?" He would make vague comments about getting her into therapy, but never followed through on it. The two times she went was because I booked the appointments and took off of work so that I could drive her the hour long drive to the only therapist covered by her insurance that worked weekends.
I know that him leaving for the AP was/is a gift. I no longer have to deal with the asshat who refuses to work on himself, and also doesn't do anything to help his daughters. But damn if I don't still miss him. I'm guessing it'll take a while longer before that goes away completely.
Its much better than it was, at least I don't wake up and start crying when I realize he's not in bed any more. And I only get the urge to call him when really important things come up, like all of my dad's hospital stays lately - I don't ever call, I fight off that urge. But I no longer have the knee jerk reaction to call when I get in the car on my way home from work, or for the mundane little things anymore, so that's good. Progress!