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I Can Relate :
Spouses/Partners with Personality Disorders


ThisIsSoLonely ( Guide #64418) posted at 8:21 PM on Thursday, September 19th, 2019

Anyone on here have experience with Borderline Personality Disorder? My WH and I will not be staying together (barring some kind of miracle - I never say never as I seem to always end up doing whatever it was I never said I would do so I qualify everything) but we will be residing in the same place for the foreseeable future AND it appears this is the diagnosis my WH is headed for - he is considering seeking additional and/or different therapy. There has been no official diagnosis of anything other than MDD (major depressive disorder) and as MDD can be misdiagnosed with BPD (or other things) I am looking more for information about this generally and how you live with someone like this for any amount of time.

I'm not looking for R advice, I'm looking for "how to negotiate getting along" in a much more general sense and what someone who is diagnosed with that is really like. He definitely does not have the needy/clingy aspect of BPD but he hits about 6 of the 9 marks for it and it sounds like that is really most likely where he is (underlying anger that he does not understand where it comes from, anhedonia, impulsive risky behavour, unstable and intense personal relationships involving idealization and devaluation, unstable self image, fairly frequent disassociation (not related to any external known stressor)). He is a bit freaked out that there is "something majorly wrong with him" which comes with embarrassment and shame about having a problem. I never really realized that he was one of these people who would find something like that embarrassing as he so willingly went to IC on his own and has stayed w/out any encouragement from me (which is part of the reason an NPD diagnosis has not really "matched" with him - he recognizes these issues and wants to address them even though he is scared, which takes accepting that you are not perfect).

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 2:22 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.

Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts

posts: 2300   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8440010

xhz700 ( member #44394) posted at 9:25 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2019

Read Splitting, it's a book about divorcing someone with these types of personality disorders.

It's about the worst thing you will ever do. This book can at least prepare you for what you are going to deal with. In my experience divorcing a woman with BPD, the book was quite accurate.

Behold! The field in which I grow my fucks.

Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren.

posts: 1586   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014
id 8446323

ThisIsSoLonely ( Guide #64418) posted at 10:29 PM on Monday, October 7th, 2019

Thanks - I don't think he has a full blown personality disorder, but I do think he is high on certain traits (of course that is not for me to diagnose and honestly a diagnosis doesn't matter). Luckily we do not have the "why don't you love me" angry outbursts or a lot of throwing blame in my direction. It's mostly a general sense of moodiness coupled with his desire for everything to be "perfectly normal" all the time which is impossible. He is SO closed that sometimes it's hard to know what is coming next...thankfully his IC IS helping and he recognizes that he has a problem/wants to get help.

I appreciate the read - I will see if I can find it online as I don't mind paying but I hate waiting!

You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.

Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts

posts: 2300   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8448833

wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 6:23 PM on Tuesday, February 16th, 2021


FBH - 52 FWW - 53 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 17 & 22The people you do your life with shape the life you live

posts: 55780   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2007   ·   location: Michigan
id 8633654

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 2:48 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2024

Bumped by request

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3300   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8833562
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