SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Also, there is the fact that she won't let me talk to any of my family about the affair. I've told a few close friends, but she doesn't want our families knowing (with the exception of her sister who she is close to).

Who you tell isn't her decision to make. You can't change or control her. Love yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect.

I'm so sorry you're here, dealing with such blatant, ongoing betrayal.

Re-read Sisoon's post.

Re-read it again.

At least once more.

By the way, you can't control her use of Instagram, correct? Well, she can't control who you talk to.

In this case, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

You really seem like a nice guy. You will be fine without her if it ends that way.

Mr Chump, your name says it all. If you think you are a chump, then you will be a chump. Your wife has ground your self-esteem and worth to nothing. You are contemplating suicide because she has made you feel worthless and you are hurting from the pain she has inflicted and just want it to end. You probably can't imagine a life that doesn't include her. Been there, its a shit show. Who the hell is she? Craigslist and Instagram stripping, gross!

Listen. She is a cancer. Stay with her and bleed out slowly. She will either leave you or you will just live a long life in misery if you don't slit your wrists before then. That's one way. Or you can take back your life and remove the cancer with a razor. It will hurt like hell, but after a little healing it will be gone forever and you will recover and thrive. Change isn't nothing but a new normal. And if you are changing from what you described, it will be a GREAT NORMAL!

First step, kick her ass out. You may not succeed because she has every legal right to live there. So, if that's not possible, do the 180 the best you can and detach. Ignore her, stay away from her, make a crude joke at her expense if you want. Step two, or step one and a half since you can do both at the same time, file for divorce. Time to get back your power. She is wielding all the power right now. You are out of control and floundering around like her puppet. She is controlling your self worth. NO MORE. Filing for D is your statement that you are in control. She will either play by your rules or end of game. Step 3, do whatever you want. She doesn't control you anymore. Join a gym, work off some steam. Do anything to get your mind away from her. The first 2 steps were about maintaining your sanity and getting back control. Picture you life without her and get use to it. Now its about you, not her. Until she starts acting like your wife instead of a whore, not your problem. You keep the D Train rolling to the final end. Then you learn that there are women out there that can respect you and treat you like a man (Not a Mr. Chump).

Just my thoughts, take it or leave it.

In a sense, shouldn't that be the major dealbreaker? If she's okay with hurting you, doesn't that say quite a lot about this person you're married to?

Anyone who has ever cheated on their significant other doesn't care about who gets hurt -- while they are in the affair -- which is what is being described on here: an ongoing serial cheater.

So, all of it is a dealbreaker.

Original post is asking to see if there is any hope, and there isn't any until their spouse is out of infidelity.

But we've all seen attitudes change with tougher consequences. And if they do, then maybe there is a shot. If they don't, it is an easier decision.

[This message edited by Oldwounds at 3:36 PM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

Anyone who has ever cheated on their significant other doesn't care about who gets hurt -- while they are in the affair -- which is what is being described on here: an ongoing serial cheater.

So, all of it is a dealbreaker.

Original post is asking to see if there is any hope, and there isn't any until their spouse is out of infidelity.

But we've all seen attitudes change with tougher consequences. And if they do, then maybe there is a shot. If they don't, it is an easier decision.

Valid point. I should have said "after already seeing the pain infidelity caused you". If they don't care after seeing that...that's kinda awful.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 3:45 PM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

It makes me feel worthless that she would cheat on me, which has made my level of self worth go down to zero.

My opinions and recommendations:

That's probably universal for all BSes. My bet, though, is that you went into the M with low self-esteem and low self-love.

Are you in IC? Whatever your goals are, I urge you to take on the goal of finding and enhancing your self-esteem and self-love.

I think you're so low that you need IRL face-to-face help to accomplish those goals - i.e. the help of a good IC. You're loving, lovable, and capable, but I think you don't really see that yet. But you really can learn to see clearly.

Work on yourself. Forget your M. Forget your W.

IMO, bluffing in M is a losing proposition, so I recommend against filing for D unless you really want D.

If you find your self-esteem and start to nurture yourself, you'll see that your W's behavior is about her, not about you.