SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've spent half of my life trying to please you even if it hurt me in the process.

Really? Who knew that dropping her drawers for another guy was supposed to please you?

Well, it's obvious she does not to have sex with you and does not want to be married to you, and it's mostly " your fault."

All she wants is to have 3 hots and a cot for 75 days and she is outathere.

Do this. Put together a divorce package that you can live with and have her sign off on it. Do it now while she is needing you to help her out.

Then in 75 days you can be free of her in more ways than one.

I am not wild about the yelling and anger allusions and how she worked so hard cuz you are such a meanie. Nor do I like the veiled insinuations of spousal rape. So yes, stay the fuck away from her at all costs. NC sounds like a plan.

But do get her the D package now. Now as in yesterday.

If I'm being honest, we were headed to D anyways. At the end of last year, I was ready to D. Chalk it up to irreconcilable differences. But then the A happened and her sudden flip-flop to R. Honestly, you'd have to have the fucking fortitude of the Rock of Gibraltar to be able to weather the storm of an A like it was no problem. But that wasn't me. It hit me hard and I couldn't do it. It was too much. And she deemed me inappropriate for R because of how I reacted. Granted, I was in full-on FightOrFlight mode. No way I was going to rugsweep the A. But that's all she wanted to do. And then point out all the reasons why I sucked. So yeah, Post-A, all I could do was hold the A in front of her face. All the while, she kept on pointing back to the problems of our M, as if it they were on equal ground.

Anyhoo, longsadstory, I like your suggestion. Keep her to a timeline. I'll bring that up to my L.

I can't grasp that many WSs actually think the BS should care about understanding the WS point of view...we actually do understand that cheaters are cruel and selfish, there is nothing more to understand.

I also don't think it takes a master's degree to understand that being cheated on is a big deal in order to see it from the BS's perspective. It's mind boggling to me that she had to read squid's posts/replies multiple times to maybe see it as a very hurt, betrayed spouse and yet she still admits that she doesn't really get it. If she reads here, she would know how traumatic it is. She would know that accountability and transparency are normal requirements for R and not abuse. Her time would be better spent reading how to help squid or what it's like being a BS for perspective instead of finding ways to manipulate squid back into staying or funding her lifestyle a little longer.

[This message edited by nekonamida at 8:26 PM, October 19th (Thursday)]

If she reads here, she would know how traumatic it is. She would know that accountability and transparency are normal requirements for R and not abuse. Her time would be better spent reading how to help squid or what it's like being a BS for perspective instead of finding ways to manipulate squid back into staying or funding her lifestyle a little longer.

I'd be lying if I said there isn't a small part of me that wishes she would suddenly wake the fuck up and want to return to the marriage. I'm sure I'm not the only BS that wished their WS would finally get it and want to do the work. But that seems like a rare thing around here. In fact, since I joined SI I don't think I've read about one. And I'd be a fool to continue to hold out for hope of it happening in my case. Expecting her to change on dime is wishful thinking. It took her a lifetime to get where she is now. It'd take a lot of time and real work for me to ever trust her again.

As you all point out, anything that comes out of her mouth just comes off as manipulative to me. Even if her intentions may be good. That's how destructive the A has been to me.

I'd be lying if I said there isn't a small part of me that wishes she would suddenly wake the fuck up and want to return to the marriage. I'm sure I'm not the only BS that wished their WS would finally get it and want to do the work. But that seems like a rare thing around here. In fact, since I joined SI I don't think I've read about one. And I'd be a fool to continue to hold out for hope of it happening in my case. Expecting her to change on dime is wishful thinking. It took her a lifetime to get where she is now. It'd take a lot of time and real work for me to ever trust her again.

As you all point out, anything that comes out of her mouth just comes off as manipulative to me. Even if her intentions may be good. That's how destructive the A has been to me.

I see a positive progression in her emails, overall.

However, is it genuine or manipulative? That, I cannot say as I don't know her.

I do sense some remorse. But most WS's have that to a certain extent. And when she is expressing it, it seems to be more about things aside from the act of infidelity.

Follow your gut instinct. If it's to continue with the D, then so be it.

I see a positive progression in her emails, overall.

However, is it genuine or manipulative? That, I cannot say as I don't know her.

I do sense some remorse. But most WS's have that to a certain extent. And when she is expressing it, it seems to be more about things aside from the act of infidelity.

Follow your gut instinct. If it's to continue with the D, then so be it.

If she actually expressed a desire to try and R, I would probably do it. But until she does that, I will continue with D. She's waffled so many times this year it's making my head spin. Cake-eating, Fence-sitting, Minimizing. Take your pick. She's done them all. I just want this over.

I just want this over.

Hey squid,

You and I are brothers in arms in so many ways. We can only control the things that we can control.

You are firmly in control of the path that you have laid out for yourself. That will get you to the place of "it being over".

The only thing that can stop you from arriving at that destination is if you give up control again.

From my experience, I plead with you not to do that. All it will do is delay your journey to the inevitable, with much more pain along the way.

You are doing far better than what it might look like from your vantage point right now but from outside looking in I see that you are close to your new beginning.

It is not too bad once you get there. Different but certainly not worse than what I had

Damn, squid. You are still waffling? You had enough to end your marriage long before the emails.

Stop. Just stop. Love yourself enough to end this.