SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It makes me sick to my stomach, but I spent a good chunk of time yesterday looking for D lawyers. I'm not ready yet, but want to consult with one to get my ducks in a row in case that's what I decide to do. I want to meet with a D attorney without her knowing which makes things interesting... either I find one near my work (downtown urban core, probably VERY expensive) or I find one near my home (deep suburbs, far cheaper but much harder to meet without her finding out). Working out the actual logistics is difficult. And we share the same money, which means the second I start paying a lawyer, the cat's out of the bag.

I have IC today. We'll see how that goes. Went to S Anon yesterday, and it's always nice to hear from a small group of like-minded BSes.

I was fairly hard on WW during a text conversation near the end of my workday yesterday. I get that beating her up over things isn't usually productive, but I was so frustrated and she lacked any compassion, was just trying to "fix" me by suggesting I do more IC, journal, etc., as if that'll magically make me feel ok that she sent sex tapes of me and her to OM.

She's hitting a defensive point. As if she's far enough along into her recovery from sex addiction that she just doesn't have the patience to hear anything about her indiscretions, just wants to focus on the future. She said she considered leaving yesterday night.

I've been clear all along that she was going to be the one trying her ass off to make this work, so if she's considering giving up after 7 months that says a lot. Especially considering she TTed me a week ago. Just not really ready to pull the trigger on this and stop seeing my DD.

[This message edited by TwiceWounded at 8:46 AM, August 11th (Friday)]

I found some relief in speaking to a D attorney and getting the lay of the land so to speak. If nothing else, it takes away some of the fear of the unknown.

I would also recommend opening a personal bank account that is separate from your joint account. I did this and I was upfront with my WW about it too. I let her know I was going to deposit X amount each payday into another account. We always had a joint account and it seemed weird to be so uncomfortable (untrusting?) that I needed to have some safety net cash in case she decided to empty our account and traipse off into unicorn land.

BTW, the video sharing stuff is one of the oddest things I ever read here. That is some next level disordered shit by both the WS and the AP. What kind of dude wants to see something like that? And what kind of woman would fulfill that request? It's horrifying. Good luck to you twice.

Thanks Staying.

Agreed, it's incredibly odd which is making it hard for me to know how to handle it. She says "they weren't having sex, so he wanted the next best thing I guess" and he begged and begged and begged until she relented. I think she was willing to do ANYTHING to turn him on and keep the validation faucet running.

He is a porn addict (I don't even WANT to know how WW knows that) and he didn't give a shit about WW... that's the real key, that's why it shouldn't seem that odd. He didn't care about her at all, he was just treating her like his own personal porn machine. It makes me sick that she was letting herself get used like that. And it makes me sick that, if he's that into porn, there's a reasonable chance that vids of WW and possibly ME and WW could end up on the internet.

It really is next level disordered shit.

I know its something you don't want to hear. But frankly she just doesn't seem like she is remorseful at all. She should be doing everything in her power to prove to you that cares for you and wants you to stay with her. To help you, to give you what you need...

I know your in a tough spot, but she is not acting like a good candidate for a true R at this point.