SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

desert- I am going to generalize about marriage healing books.

Disclaimer:This is just my .02.

Most Marriage recovery books (not all) assume that the M is the cause of affair. The thinking is that the normal people don't cheat unless they are looking for something their spouse doesn't give.

BTW I 100% disagree with that logic. Further our WS are not "normal" people either.

Also most of the M recovery materials make misandrist notions about female infidelity and are generally written assuming that men are the WS and women are the BS.

Very few of any of that address the nuances related to female infidelity without assuming that it is somehow the husbands fault his wife cheated.

If you don't want to read anymore books about it, don't.

At this point you have a better idea about what you need that some writer that stands to make money of off your misfortune.

IC would better time spent. If your IC has you reading these books find another one.

the best book I read was "steering clear"

JMO -

This is sort of a zombie thread.

I'm pro R. I think it's possible when both partners are willing to do the work necessary to heal themselves and build a new M. It usually takes 2-5 years, but it's not the time that makes R possible, it's the work. It's just that the work takes 2-5 years.

There's no magic to R. The work a couple does makes or breaks R.

Different people learn differently, so there are many paths to recovery. For the BS, all paths require processing the grief, anger, fear, and shame that come with being betrayed. The WS needs to change from cheater to good partner. But there are multiple ways to accomplish those goals.

IMO, people who write are probably people who read. We write on SI, so we recommend books.

To sum up what N&D wrote above, most books on recovering from infidelity take the wrong approach. Like others here, I think it's worth looking at NOT "Just Friends" (but it could be triggering, so take it easy when you look at it) and HTHYSHFYA. Others recommend After the Affair. But most of the stuff I've read is as N&D describes.

In any case, reading may help you, but if it doesn't, so be it. Recovery is about emotions, and reading is about words. They're connected, but only loosely.

Just do what you need to do to heal yourself, figure out whether you want R or D, see if your partner is willing to do the work for R (if you want R), and act accordingly.

JMO

This is sort of a zombie thread.

OMG. I actually responded to it the first time. LOL.