I always thought my taking on extra responsibilities and volunteering was a result of my need for recognition and praise and feeling important.
I always thought my need to fix my WHs problems or help him with his worries was normal 'wife-behaviour'.
I thought writing the best thesis at the uni and spending hours and hours in the evenings after work preparing my classes was just a sign of my excellent work-ethic.
I always thought this voice in my head that said 'It's not ok to get the biggest/last piece or whatever' was basic politeness.
I also thought that pushing my WH or kids to adopt that view was just me being thoughtful and a good parent.
I thought my guilt over missing day-care events, pot-luck parties, etc for my DD was a normal feeling for a dedicated mom.
I thought my guilt when asking grandparents babysit was out of consideration for them.
I thought my need to prepare fantastic meals for friends and family coming over or to pot-lucks and parties was pride.
I always thought never expressing my outrage and disappointment when I felt I was treated unfairly was just modesty and conflict avoidance.
And I always thought reprimanding my WH when he *did* express his anger in similar situations was because I was ashamed of his impolite behaviour. And I thought he was overreacting.
I always attributed my need to please others, to be liked and the incessant need to be included in *all* groups to low self-esteem. Still do!
I thought going out of my way to prepare really good, healthy and nutritious meals that I knew my WH liked, to be something all wives and mothers did.
I thought investing time and effort in my WHs hobbies and interests that didn't really excite me was out of love.
I figured forgiving him after d-day#1 and burying my head in the sand on some occasions later on was an approach of an 'independent' person. Or someone trying to retain status quo.
I attributed not going on in depth and length about his 1st OW and never mentioning this again after our decision to R to be a healthy sign of a non-nagging wife and respectful partner.
I always thought taking responsibility for family outings, trips, date nights, etc. was something a 'normal' mother and wife does.
I thought me suggesting books and things to do/read after d-day#2 and concentrating on his 'healing' and becoming a better partner to be my responsibility. Because I knew best. I was the one doing all the reading.
Telling him what I need, based on SI and several books/web-sites to be a sign of openness and honesty.
ETA: I also figured obliging him with sex when I had NO desire to do so was part of my wifely obligation.
Turns out I don't know s***.
[This message edited by Lodestar at 1:29 PM, June 3rd (Saturday)]