SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'd print off or save everything. You may need it later

Whatever you decide to do , it is imperative that you check with a lawyer just in case.

BTW , what is your WW doing right now?

Ivehadit101,

I called a lawyer this morning. I'll have a consultation later today.

As far as WW goes, she's back at the farm.

Without a doubt if that guy is married you take the text messages print them out and go straight to his house and hand them to his wife.

What is done in the dark must be brought to the light. Everyone needs to know. Always remember stress, unhappy, confusion, midlife crises etc etc are all excuses. Cheating is a selfish act period. If she is having a hard time in life you are suppose to turn to your partner the one you made a life with a took an oath with. Running to another person is not the answer.

Every cheater will come up with an excuse but the real answer out of her mouth should be " I was a fool and 100% wrong and I will do whatever I have to to fix it at your pace and when your ready"

Hang in there and eat and sleep, its important. Speak to your friends and rely on there friendship now you will need it most.

I am praying for you the road is tough and long but that is what makes us human, were strong and we survive.

Notamindreader, did your wife ever cheat before? I find it hard to believe that she would do this after 30 years of marriage.

Have you asked her?

In any case consulting a lawyer is the right decision.

How are you doing today ?

I am sorry your wife broke so badly and had the sexual affair.

It reminds me of that highly morally corrupt movie "the Horse Whsiperer" where some woman goes to a ranch with her daughter to rehab a horse, falls for another guy and when hubby shows up and has an idea, he gives her a choice to stay behind but she reluctantly goes with him 'to save the family' but didn't shed a tear about what she did. Horrible movie, just like Bridges.

You did the right thing by retaining the old house.

I have a series of questions for you if you don't mind

1) What is your gameplan from here ?

2) Are you going to legally bar this other guy from the horse farm ?

3) Was the attorney you consulted with aggressive enough for you to handle your needs in case this won't be resolved ?

4) What are her actions since then ? Has she tried to come back to the house to see you ?

5) How do you know that they aren't hooking up at the farm while you are at the old house ?

6) Did you reach out to the other man's wife yet, if he has one ?

Please keep us informed. I hate shit sandwiches like the one you got, sir

Western be glad you didn't read the book, lady finds out she's pregnant and gives birth to the OM's child with his blue eyes.

are you f'ing kidding me, Tren. OMG. What did the husband Robert do ?

He should have told her to stay at the ranch (in the movie) and that he was filing for divorce. Because now he has the OM's baby to contend with and a woman who is pining for the OM while allowing her husband to serve a s a cuckold for the rest of his life, just like Bridges.

In the book, where OM gets killed, how do you reconcile all of that ? What would one's plan of action be ?

Too early in the morning to think about that.

I do pray for Notamindreader for the next few days are going to be tough but he is showing plenty of strength and I am pleased that he has his head screwed on straight

[This message edited by Western at 7:01 AM, December 13th (Tuesday)]

bump

Stay strong brother. You did nothing to deserve what she did to you. Move forward with strength, and look after yourself. Tell your family and close friends what is happening, because you need support, and she needs to pay the consequences of infidelity.

She has taken you for granted and obviously doesn't appreciate your love for her. It's good you are seeking legal advice to protect yourself. We are all here for you.

bump

Why did you abandon the thread ?

We are trying to help and I know things are in ruins.

Don't deal with this on your own

Come back and reach out for help man !!

Western, thanks for the thoughts. It's been a rough week. I've spoken with a lawyer, gone to a counselor, gotten an std test. The usual, I guess.

I've moved back to the farm house, and we're living in separate bedrooms. She said she's willing to go to couple's therapy, but I don't think she's really into it. We'll see. I've made it clear that I and the farm are a package, and the realtor is ready to list it on my say.

Couples therapy…

OK – MC can be good. I venture all marriages can benefit from outside help to get them out of ruts and tough places. But MC to “fix” your wife’s affair… no – no – no.

That’s like asking you to place a cast on your leg because she broke hers.

YOU didn’t cheat. Nothing YOU did made having an affair a reasonable option. If you two decide to reconcile then get professional help to heal the marriage… But no MC can change you or the marriage to prevent her from cheating.

SHE needs IC to realize what need made her think doing Mr. Hay was a neat idea.

Western, she said she knows it was wrong and she's sorry for how she hurt me. I don't know whether she really believes that. I don't know what I believe about anymore. But I'm not going to push for a divorce until I've had the time to sort through my own feelings and decide where my trust level is. I'm prepared to split if it must come to that, I'm just not going to make any decisions of that scope after less than a week.

And we're both starting IC

[This message edited by Notamindreader at 8:36 PM, December 17th (Saturday)]

At this time you should inform the other mans wife. Most will at least attempt reconciliation but the affair has to end.

Just because you found out doesn't necessarily mean the affair will stop

[This message edited by Marc878 at 9:02 PM, December 17th (Saturday)]

I'm not sure I would even consider keeping the farm at this point, I mean that was the connection to her AP after all...I know I could never live there again.

Something tells me that the farm was her baby, not as much for you?

Ordinary Dude, the farm was mostly her baby, but I was really loving it. Part of the reason we bought it was to develop it as a business for a time when I could stop traveling so much for work, so I saw it as a new beginning for both of us.

Hi Notamindreader really sorry that you find yourself here. You will get lots of advice from lots of people who have experienced the same betrayal that you have.

Read the healing library. Read the stories and experiences here. You will soon realize that you are not alone. That there is nothing special or different about your wife's affair apart from it happened to you.

Has she stopped the affair? Has she cut all contact with him?

Wishing you the strength to get through this most horrible and painful ordeal.

Notamindreader, did your wife ever cheat before? I find it hard to believe that she would do this after 30 years of marriage.

Have you asked her?

^^^^

This, to me, is so odd that in 30 years she didn't cheat. Now with you there full time, it happens.

Is OM married? If so you should contact OBS.

I went through something similar in August. Married 34 years and saw a lovey-dovey chat on her computer with a guy she met biking. Biking was her passion in more ways than one, it turns out.

When I first joined this site I found a lot of the advice really harsh and pessimistic. I was determined to reconcile.

But, looking back, the harsh, pessimistic view makes a lot of sense, even if it means big changes in your life and future plans.