I'm sorry if this is getting too personal but the "two bottoms looking for a top" has me wondering, was your H a bottom? That really does not sound to me like someone who is not bi. I'm not one to judge and I don't mean to make it worse. It just has me wondering.
It's not too personal, this is the stuff I don't tell ANYONE in real life so it's good to vent about it sometimes. So just a warning, major VENT ahead (if I come across as angry, it's because I can feel myself getting angry thinking about all this, it's not because you asked)...
He was a bottom 2 or 3 times, because he was always looking to expand his sexual experience. He said it hurt, he didn't like it, and he would stop after a few minutes, no one ever got to finish with him that way, it hurt too much.
He also was on the giving side of oral, with men sometimes too. He was high and just got caught up in whatever was going on, he never intended to ever give oral, but it all just happened, they put it in front of him and he went with it in that moment. It all was a blur of sexual deviance...no thought, no questioning, the world was gone at that time and it didn't matter what he did or didn't do, it was "anything goes", man or woman...he had no fucking boundaries or self respect while in this state of mind.
He was always looking to make the "high of sex" greater, to "broaden his horizons" and have more "sexual variety".
Apparently the more open you were to anything, the more people would reply. He said that particular ad never got answered anyway...as if that matters.
And I mean, it wasn't always men. He was in a 3'some with a married couple, both he and the husband fucked the wife, did nothing with each other. Then he was in a 4'some with two women and one other man, no M4M sex during that one either, just 2 dudes taking turns fucking 2 women.
He was also looking for BBW to "broaden his variety", and was also looking to be a "dom" who would not only control his sub sexually when they met in person, but control the daily life of his "sub" via text; tell her what color underwear to wear that day, tell her when to masturbate, etc. (this one was posted right before d-day and never came to fruition, thankfully)
I know, I know, like how can he NOT be bi? I just don't get it. But the whole romantic or physical attraction to men, and/or emotional thoughts or feelings for men...he says ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I don't get ANYTHING about this disgusting dark world of CL.
I've had 3 therapists tell me they don't think he's gay/bi & I've had 2 tell me they don't think he is a SA.
My own therapist says she thinks he may have been "addicted" to the sex as an escape, especially because it escalated from having sex with one woman from a CL ad years ago, to what it ended up as.
But it's "mild" in that he seems he hit rock bottom, and can walk away without looking back. She doesn't think we would have worry about a "relapse", or worry about battling it his whole life like a typical SA.
She says he isn't a full out sex addict. His actions in the past year+ have separated him from a typical SA.
So it's like, IDK what to even think. And he can't really lie about anything, because my therapist and his therapist are within the same office/group practice, and we allow them to share all info.
Some days I feel my head will explode from the confusion. I have such conflict some days about staying, but then I think about leaving and that sounds horrible.
Can you ask if someone thinks they're bi or gay on a poly because I've seriously debated it.
As for the e-mails he says they rarely talked dirty. It was mainly just setting up a place/time to meet. The two I saw didn't really talk dirty at all like that, it was more like...
(In reply to FWH's ad, which was along the line of 'looking for a BJ after fucking some other dude, still have MDMA in my system, still high from it, don't want the high to go to waste, blah blah blah...)
OM: "I'll suck it, I have poppers, here's my address"
FWH: "I'm on my way, in this color car, where should I park?"
OM: "Park in driveway, my house is this color."
FWH:"Ok, when I get there, put on straight porn and go slow with lots of tongue"
And that was about it.
FWH sniffed the poppers during orgasm. He was also always on MDMA during M4M encounters and would only reply to men who had MDMA available.
[This message edited by HowIsThisReal at 2:03 PM, January 29th (Sunday)]