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Support Through Prayer ...Part 3

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northeasternarea posted 12/7/2016 11:00 AM

Hi everyone! I have a prayer question and was hoping to get some advice. So my wh cheated and I have decided to R. I pray about it and I have become stronger with each day. However, I still struggle with why I'm staying and if I should or not. I don't feel like those prayers are being answered. I'm still in limbo. I can't decide if this is God's way of creating a better marriage for me, or if it's a sign that I need to pack my bags and run.

Is your WH 100% on board with reconciliation? Is he accepting 100% responsibility for his actions?

needfriendshere posted 12/19/2016 08:11 AM

That's a tough one. I still struggle with that and I'm almost 3 years out from Dday AND my FWH has been amazing. The scars his LTA left behind just run too deep.

With that said, I found tremendous healing through something our church does called Restorative Prayer. I learned to love myself again - the self I am separate from H. If he cheats again and I have to kick him out, I'll be fine. I am one of God's children and that's more than enough for me. But for now, if all things remain as they are, I am finally happy again WITH H. It was freeing to know I could let go if I had to though. It has made all the difference.

Part of what I did was get out from under the rock I was hiding in. I got involved with people again. And I made new friends - wonderful sisters in Christ. I am active and enjoy life - MY life. I realize that for over 2 years (post Dday) I was immobilized, depressed, and angry. I kissed the bitterness good bye, pulled myself up by my proverbial bootstraps and moved on - still with H, but no longer entangled in him and "what he did".

Good luck to you all and Merry Christmas! I pray 2017 will be YOUR year! God bless you all with His peace, His joy, and His love.

[This message edited by needfriendshere at 8:16 AM, December 19th (Monday)]

hopefull77 posted 12/20/2016 20:08 PM

This was my devotional today ...just wanted to share...

Disciples: Those Who Love Others
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
My children, I will be with you only a little while longer. And I’m giving you a new commandment so you’ll know where I am, and who I am: You must love one another. —John 13:33-35 [1]
Brothers sisters, it’s not really what we do that matters; it’s the energy with which we do it. To be in love is to be standing in a different space. Love is not what you do; it’s how you do it. It’s obvious who’s in love and who isn’t. When you stand in the state of love that Jesus offers, you live inside of a different energy. You’re not entirely self-preoccupied. You try to care for the world. You say, “I have one life and when I leave here, I want to make sure this world is a little better because I was here.” What might happen if we woke up each day with this intention: “How can my existence on this earth increase the quality of life on this planet?”
Jesus says, “I’ll be with you only a little while longer. So I’m going to leave a sign that I’m still here. I’m going to reveal myself in the presence of loving people.” That’s the only way anyone can know God. If you’ve never let anyone love you, if you’ve never let love flow through you—gratuitously, generously, undeservedly—toward other people, you can’t possibly know who God is. God is just a theory or abstraction. But “God is love” (1 John 4:8). And those who live in love live in God and know God experientially. There’s no other way you can know who God is, and who you are, but to love (Genesis 1:26-27). Take that as an absolute!
God is not saying, “I demand this of you.” Rather, God is saying, “I invite you into this mystery of who you already are in me.” Love is not something you decide to do now and then. Love is who you are! Your basic, foundational existence—created in the image of the Trinity—is love. Remember, Trinity is saying that God is not an isolated divine being; God is a quality of relationship itself, an event of communion, an infinite flow of outpouring. God is an action more than a substance, to put it succinctly.
Love, like forgiveness, is a decision. It’s a decision in your mind and in your heart. And you’d better make it early in the day, because once you’re a few hours into resentment, it’s too late. Already you’re angry at your husband or wife, and you’re upset because the paper boy didn’t deliver your newspaper. You see, when you’re not in love, you’ll use any excuse you can to be unhappy. You’ll use any excuse to be irritated. But you were unhappy before your husband or wife did anything or didn’t do anything, before the paperboy came or didn’t come. You were already unhappy, and they just occasioned it. The exact object for your unhappiness is actually arbitrary and illogical. Unhappiness just needs an object—and so does happiness and love. You have to recognize ahead of time when you are not living in love. This is surely why morning prayer is so important.

peace everyone...

BrokenheartedWif posted 12/21/2016 04:04 AM

Thank you hopeful77

BrokenheartedWif posted 1/3/2017 12:58 PM

I'm reading a new book by Gary Thomas "Cherish" which launches Jan. 10th. I think this book is advocating what we were all needing in our marriages, especially in the wake of betrayal.

I am finding this book both poignant and painful (for what was completely lacking during my wayward spouses choice to betray me with Adultery).

p.97 “To cherish as God cherished is to accept someone others may have rejected, to breathe life into them, to nurture them and spoil them, and even to indulge them until their beauty becomes evident for all to see.”

Gary is writing about the portion of the vows that are often overlooked "Cherish".

I know I need to feel love, honored, and cherished by my SAWS and I know he needs to feel the same, especially in the wake of his completely selfish choices.

With God's help may we all find and give forgiveness, love, and the feeling of being cherished by God and if we have one, our spouses. We need God to fill the places in us that only He can fill (as we seek and allow Him access), and we need to allow God to direct our marriages so they bring Him Glory and Honor.

hopefull77 posted 1/4/2017 13:17 PM

Another devotional I thought I would share....

Carrying our Cross
November 3, 2014

Among Jesus’ many teachings we find this, rather harsh-sounding, invitation: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
I suspect that each of us has a gut-sense of what this means and what it will cost us; but, I suspect too that many of us misunderstand that Jesus is asking here and struggle unhealthily with this invitation. What, concretely, does Jesus mean by this?
To answer that, I would like to lean on some insights offered by James Martin in his book, Jesus, A Pilgrimage. He suggests that taking up our cross daily and giving up life in order to find deeper life means six interpenetrating things:
First, it means accepting that suffering is a part of our lives. Accepting our cross and giving up our lives means that, at some point, we have to make peace with the unalterable fact that frustration, disappointment, pain, misfortune, illness, unfairness, sadness, and death are a part of our lives and they must ultimately be accepted without bitterness. As long as we nurse the notion that pain in our lives is something we need not accept, we will habitually find ourselves bitter – bitter for not having accepted the cross.
Second, taking up our cross and giving up our lives, means that we may not, in our suffering, pass on any bitterness to those around us. We have a strong inclination, almost as part of our natural instincts, to make others suffer when we are suffering: If I’m unhappy, I will make sure that others around me are unhappy too! This does not mean, as Martin points out, that we cannot share our pain with others. But there’s a healthy way of doing this, where our sharing leaves others free, as opposed to an unhealthy kind of sharing which subtly tries to make others unhappy because we are unhappy. There’s a difference between healthily groaning under the weight of our pain and unhealthily whining in self-pity and bitterness under that weight. The cross gives us permission to do the former, but not the latter. Jesus groaned under the weight of his cross, but no self-pity, whining, or bitterness issued forth from his lips or his beaten body.
Third, walking in the footsteps of Jesus as he carries his cross means that we must accept some other deaths before our physical death, that we are invited to let some parts of ourselves die. When Jesus invites us to die in order to find life, he is not, first of all, talking about physical death. If we live in adulthood, there are a myriad of other deaths that we must undergo before we die physically. Maturity and Christian discipleship are about perennially naming our deaths, claiming our births, mourning our losses, letting go of what’s died, and receiving new spirit for the new life that we are now living.  These are the stages of the paschal mystery, and the stages of growing up. There are daily deaths.
Fourth, it means that we must wait for the resurrection, that here in this life all symphonies must remain unfinished. The book of Proverbs tells us that sometimes in the midst of pain the best we can do is put our mouths to the dust and wait. Any real understanding of the cross agrees. So much of life and discipleship is about waiting, waiting in frustration, inside injustice, inside pain, in longing, battling bitterness, as we wait for something or someone to come and change our situation. We spend about 98% of our lives waiting for fulfillment, in small and big ways. Jesus’ invitation to us to follow him implies waiting, accepting to live inside an unfinished symphony.
Fifth, carrying our cross daily means accepting that God’s gift to us is often not what we expect. God always answers our prayers but, often times, by giving us what we really need rather than what we think we need. The Resurrection, says James Martin, does not come when we expect it and rarely fits our notion of how a resurrection should happen. To carry your cross is to be open to surprise.
Finally, taking up your cross and being willing to give up your life means living in a faith that believes that nothing is impossible for God. As James Martin puts it, this means accepting that God is greater than the human imagination. Indeed, whenever we succumb to the notion that God cannot offer us a way out of our pain into some kind of newness, it’s precisely because we have reduced God down to the size of our own limited imagination. It’s only possible to accept our cross, to live in trust, and to not grow bitter inside pain if we believe in possibilities beyond what we can imagine, namely, if we believe in the Resurrection.
We can take up our cross when we begin to believe in the Resurrection.

hihn posted 1/11/2017 21:13 PM

Hi everyone, I am asking for your prayers. I've been feeling really beat up for a long time. It just feels like ever since Dday that no matter which way I turn there has been someone standing there with a bat taking a swing at me (emotionally speaking). These people with the bat are people I swear I have done nothing to deserve how they treat me. These people have been family members, friends, in-laws, and coworkers. It's just weird. I even have a nurse I work with that comes up to me and just stares at me. When I ask her if there is something I can do for her, she says no & then keeps staring a little longer. I have given up trying to understand why this is happening to me. The stress is taking it's toll on me though. I need your prayers!

BrokenheartedWif posted 1/11/2017 22:27 PM

Praying for you hihn.

steadychevy posted 1/12/2017 07:57 AM

Prayers, hihn. Always.

ETA: I think I'm more suspicious or questioning now than before. A little paranoid, maybe. Things I would shrug off before - a look, a word, a posture - I sometimes now wonder what's behind it. Sometimes I read more into something than is there - like, something is said and I jump to "what do they know, how could they know?" sort of thing. Perhaps, even, they're reacting to me and what I say or react or something. Just wanted to add that.

[This message edited by steadychevy at 9:28 AM, January 12th (Thursday)]

hihn posted 1/12/2017 13:51 PM

Thank you for your prayers Brokenhearted & Steadychevy. Just knowing someone was willing to offer up their prayers to God for my sake is a comfort for me.

Wool94 posted 1/16/2017 11:24 AM

I'm a bit late to the party, but you're in my prayers hihn.

hihn posted 1/30/2017 14:51 PM

Just wanted to give those of you who said a prayer for me an update. I have transferred to a different unit at work and so far it is a better fit. I believe your prayers aided in this. For the first time since Dday I have felt true peace for almost a week now. I am grateful to our God and his people for this long overdue peace. (& joy from receiving the peace)

BrokenheartedWif posted 1/30/2017 19:52 PM


So glad you were able to transfer and are experiencing some peace and joy. Praise God

steadychevy posted 1/31/2017 13:30 PM

So happy for you, hihn.

needfriendshere posted 2/7/2017 12:45 PM

It's been too long since I've posted here. My bad. I feel led to ask - how have you been blessed through this experience? Or, in other words, how have you seen God working in your life through this? For me, it's been pretty amazing when I really stop and look at it:

1.). He has provided me a new home in a new state - away from the triggers and away from the in-your-face pain
2.). He has led me to the most amazing church, where I have received much healing. FWH too
3.). But here's the biggie - He has provided me with some dear friends. Sisters in every way. All of us have been hurt or are still hurting in our M's. We hold each other up, encourage each other, and love each other.
What about you? Please share.
I send you all hugs and keep you in my prayers.

sleeplessincali posted 2/7/2017 13:21 PM

I have been blessed similarly. A new church experience and a worship team I can volunteer with. A small group of creative women who love to bible journal. An improved husband who is putting God first for the first time in his adult life. As a result of infedelity and the church move, my father got a new job through our church connection..... I am praying that God will bring women into my life that I can pray with and encourage.

I have to say though, it is extremely tough to see these blessings while surviving infedelity. I have to write them down and reread frequently. It is good to remind yourself and share with others how God is moving in your lives.

needfriendshere posted 2/7/2017 19:15 PM

I have to write them down too. But it doesn't make them any less of a blessing.
Still have rough days, especially with the anniversary of Dday coming up. But I realize things could have been much worse.
God is good!

hopefull77 posted 2/9/2017 08:15 AM

I wanted to share this devotional...
Has anyone tried meditation /contemplative prayer?
I have but I know it takes a lot of work!

Enjoy this wonderful message....peace everyone

Stream of Consciousness
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Most of us have lived our whole lives with a steady stream of consciousness, with a continual flow of ideas, images, and feelings. And at every moment of our lives we cling to these thoughts and sensations, so much so that I don’t have the idea; the idea has me. I don’t have the feeling; the feeling has me. We have to discover who this “I” really is, the one who has these always passing feelings and thoughts. Who am I behind my thoughts and feelings? The fixed point that watches things pass through me—is the real ME! Learn how to abide there in peace.
I’m sure that most people in the Western world have never really met the person they really are. We have to find a way to get beyond our self-image and our ideas about who we are. We have to discover the face that we already had before we were born, who we were in God all along, before we did anything right or wrong. This is the first goal of contemplation. This “I” is capable of union with God.
Imagine a river or stream. You’re sitting on the bank of this river, where boats and ships are sailing past. While the stream flows past your inner eye, I ask you to name each one of the “vessels” or thoughts floating by. For example, one of the boats could be called “my anxiety about tomorrow.” Or along comes the ship “objections to my spouse” or “I don’t do that well.” Every judgment that you pass is one of these boats. Take the time to give each one of them a name, and then let it move on.
For some people this is a very difficult exercise because we’re used to jumping aboard our boats immediately; in doing so, we give them “gas”! As soon as we own a boat and identify with it, it picks up its own energy. We have to practice un-possessing, letting go, detaching from our thoughts and feelings, or they own us. With every idea or image that comes into our head, we have the opportunity to say, “No, I’m not that; I don’t need that; that’s not me.” This frees you to intentionally choose your divine identity instead.
Some of the boats that are accustomed to us jumping aboard immediately head back upstream and return, trying to catch our attention again. Some people feel the need to torpedo their boats. But you must not attack, hate, or condemn any idea or thought; that would merely be your perfectionistic ego trying to “win.” This is basic training in nonviolence. You must not hate your soul. The point is to recognize thoughts and feelings and to say, “That’s not necessary; I don’t need that.” But do it very amiably. If we learn to handle our own souls tenderly and lovingly, then we’ll be able to carry this same loving wisdom into our other relationships. A thousand seeming “distractions” are now a thousand opportunities to choose God instead. So there is really no such thing as a distraction! Why didn’t someone tell me that as a novice?!

needfriendshere posted 2/9/2017 08:40 AM

Your devotional exercise reminds me of Restorative Prayer to some degree. It's about rediscovering your true self and who you are in Christ, as well as taking those negative, harmful thoughts captive (or in the case of your boat analogy, letting them sail by). And it works. For a while. I felt complete peace for weeks after going through it. But then the triggers present themselves. Or the nightmares start again. And I'm - almost - back to square one. I've thought of doing a refresher session, or 2, or 3. I have a friend who has been 4 times already. She is going through a nasty divorce stemming from her H's infidelity. I have concluded that what we're dealing with? It takes a lot of time and prayer to recover from.

hihn posted 2/10/2017 19:31 PM

needfriendshere, as I reflected on your post on listing God's blessings, I thought where do I begin. I soon realized there have been many small and large blessings in my life. Too many to list. So I am going to try and sum them all up in this:

Each and every blessing I have received I know was a gift he gave out of love. He protected me, his wisdom guided me, his strength gave me strength, he gave me courage to do that which I didn't believe I could do. All these things he did out of love. So my most cherished blessing of all is God's love and mercy.

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