SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just be extremely careful. Look at my user name. All the other things aside (kids, finances et al), I am a living example of broken attracting broken.

Strength brother.

Many of us seek validation when we're at this stage. Just be careful. If I had stuck with the plan with the woman who helped me through this stage, I'd be in a far worse position today than I ever was with my ex.

I appreciate that she was there for me, but my radar for sensible decision-making was completely broken at that time.

I for one don't see much wrong with "having fun" just so long as both adults..and you are adults, are going into this with both eyes open.

How are you Shocked?

Are you still doing OK?

Been a few weeks since I posted. I've now been out of the house and on my own for two weeks. Loving it. So much less stress now. Did and still do 180--every interaction is brief conversation about kids. I offer no insight into my life and ask her nothing. She finally agreed to my parenting schedule so we have that worked out for a few months. We do have our Initial status conference (1st and HOPEFULLY only court appearance) soon. I do need to confront her on what she wants--ie house, retirement, etc.

I know people have told me to be careful in new relationships. It's been crazy on that front. Dating someone who I really like and we talked about rebound relationship so we are taking things slow but man the sex is great. I'm getting signals from others at work, friends---texts, conversations about husbands and wanting divorce(danger danger I don't want to turn into OM). So anyway seeing and being in these new relationships has really helped propel me over the hump. I don't care about STBXW anymore as far as what she is doing. I find it far easier to deal with her in person. But just some insight into her delusions....Oh, get this I told her several weeks ago I didn't want to go to MC anymore. Found her email she sent to her attorney complaining that I apparently wasn't being amicable anymore since I no longer wanted to do MC and that was her "safe" place to talk to me. Just shows how flipping crazy they are. She's still in her fantasy land expecting me to pay for everything while she doesn't work and goes to school and dates the college scene. GOOD RIDDANCE! Anyhow, I am in a much better place now, I know I still have a ways to go to get through this divorce. Being out of the house has been SO worth it. I wasn't sure at first but it's really helped me move on with my life. It's only been 2 months now since dday but I feel I've gone through so much in a short amount of time and have made it this far. I feel I can handle anything now. Thanks all again for the support so far and especially at the beginning.

Congratulations Shocked

Sure hope you do not wind up financing her school and social life. Leave that for her schoolmates who she is banging. You obviously have come a long long way since your world blew up.

Chalk one up for the good guys

She's still in her fantasy land expecting me to pay for everything while she doesn't work and goes to school and dates the college scene.

Tell her to have her boyfriend pay for everything.

She wants to date this OM, well then he should be pay her way.

Like Craig said tell her to have the bf pay and remind her she fired you.

That should shock into reality if only for a moment.

Glad y u r pain has eased and life is better for you right now. But dude slow down.

Enjoy the sex and attention. But for God's sake do not allow the new woman to complete you.

It's time for you to learn how to be happy being you. Stand alone and proud.

When you learn to be happy being you and just you, then you will NEVER ever out up with less than you deserve and get 110% of the respect that is needed in successful relationships.

Good advice...thanks. I forgot to mention I am still going to IC every two weeks to continue to work on me. And I am only seeing the other woman on weekends. Honesty I feel like for first time since marriage I have the right balance of alone time, kid time, and fun time. It hasn't ever been like this. I just living really day to day (which my IC suggested narrowing my horizon to this since beginning). I know I will continue to have bumps in the road but I'm not stressing about it yet because it's not within my horizon. Having alone time with my kids has made the time with them even better. They are excited to spend time with me. Creating new memories with them has already been fantastic--things we never did before.

I do have a question--did any of you not sell the house and if so how did that work? I'm not sure a quit claim deed gets me off the responsibility of the mortgage payments.

do have a question--did any of you not sell the house and if so how did that work? I'm not sure a quit claim deed gets me off the responsibility of the mortgage payments.

It doesn't....its for "ownership" ....you are giving her your half of the house....title wise.....YOU ARE STILL on the note!!! Basicly....until she refinances the loan... sorry...I know that isn't what you wanted to hear...

Bufffalo

Do not do a quit claim on the house. All that means is you give up ALL rights to the home, yet you are STILL financially responsible for the loan!

Contact the lawyer about the house.

Are your kids in counselling/therapy? They ought to be, any divorce is a big deal for the kids and they need professional help.

Best wishes

Flipping annoying. I did the sworn financial statement and her lawyer still wants discovery? To discover what??? I disclosed EVERYTHING. It is a SWORN FINANCIAL STATEMENT!! Just the beginning of the nonsense I'm sure. They can't determine what to do with the house until they have complete financial picture???? I disclosed the complete financial picture!! I can't stand dealing with morons.

A little used, but powerful tool, is Rule 36 of the Rules of Civil Procedure - Request for Admission. Discuss with your attorney possibly heading them off using Rule 36.

Does anyone know what happened to Shock?

So for those interested....here's my update

The divorce was final in April this year (so 6.5 months from discovery of affair to end of marriage). She got less than what I offered for maintenance/child support as we ended up going to trial which fared better for me because I, unlike her, was rational and had a great attorney. She still has some sense of entitlement probably confidence from her affair. But I no longer care or even know what she does in her spare time outside school. I will say a year later I still harbor resentment for her actions--not sure when that will go away completely.

The kids never became an issue, we agreed on time with them since the beginning and they have taken it well.

I got promoted to a new role at work, new car (couldn't drive the same one that was "hers"), new place to live (bought a place of my own), and new woman. That's right, although I was never looking for a new relationship it just happened and my gf is AMAZING.

I have to thank all of you for your support in the beginning. Looking back, those were dark times and many of you supported me and kept me going and I sincerely appreciate it. I believe this forum is a very powerful place for support and not sure I could have survived the initial weeks/months without it.

Oh, forgot the divorce was appealed by her because she still feels entitled and wants more money. Hopefully that goes well for me and all will be done in a few months. Still very irritating that she can't just let it go.

wrong thread!

[This message edited by Bigger at 1:59 PM, October 1st (Thursday)]

Heartening update! You started on SI in September of last year. In October you were still in daze:

Posted: 8:55 AM, October 1st (Wednesday), 2014 View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also woke up today with an overwhelming desire to wish life was as it were before dday. I know this is wrong but it has made my day crappy now. Plus these posts aren't helping me feel any better.

Feel like crap.

A few days later you concluded you had no option. She wasn't offering reconciliation.

Posted: 8:27 PM, October 4th (Saturday), 2014 View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are DONE. She has no remorse, no feelings for me and I am now at the same point. I am printing off the divorce papers my attorney sent me yesterday and I plan to hand them to her tonight before she goes to bed. She is finally getting what she wants and I will soon have my freedom . Freedom to have fun with my boys without her. Freedom to spend time with friends. Family. Freedom to do nothing if I want to. And freedom t meet women who do care and have integrity. Freedom to give all the love I am willing and capable of giving.

Here's to the start of freedom and recovery. I hope this process moves quickly.

It was horrible the way she patted you on the shoulder to show that she "still cared" about you as a "friend". Called you on the phone to ask what kind of ice cream she should buy for you when all the while she was thinking about how to give more pussy to OM.

I guess by this point you no longer feel anger towards her. Her life probably hasn't turned out the way she thought it would. Her Masters degree is great, sure, but she is a divorced cheater. Did she stay with OM or has she been playing the field?

It's tough for a woman in her situation to satisfy two different urges: one, to let loose and have fun versus two, the need to find a new reliable husband.

But if she has to search for a reliable husband and fall in love with him why did she fire you?

If she dates men who just want NSA sex her sex ranking for a stable guy will drift downwards.

Probably you just wish her well now for the sake or your children, or?

Okay, just read your update about the appeal. I guess you are still not feeling friendly.

[This message edited by LongWalk at 2:06 PM, October 1st (Thursday)]