Marie82 (original poster new member #84924) posted at 7:04 PM on Saturday, July 20th, 2024
My husband told me we are separated and he is moving out. While I knew this was inevitable in the long run based on how bad his infidelity was and I’ve been talking to lawyers, I thought it would be my decision. I thought he would eventually beg me for forgiveness and try to fight for our family. Knowing he doesn’t love me enough to fight for us hurts more than I thought it would.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 7:59 PM on Saturday, July 20th, 2024
So sorry that the situation didn't go how you'd thought it would. Getting through the infidelity is hard enough, and it just really tears a family apart. Be sure to process your feelings, which may change with the blink of an eye.
Your WH doesn't know what he's leaving behind.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 9:24 PM on Saturday, July 20th, 2024
This happened to me, too. Then I realized I really didn’t want to be married to a person who wouldn’t move Heaven and earth to save his own family.
Thankfully my now xh moved out of the house, I changed the locks. and I told my kids our property lines were our safe space from the world. I blocked my xh and his slut out of my mind and got busy raising 2 fantastic young men!!!!! FTG!
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:50 PM on Saturday, July 20th, 2024
My WS didn’t fight for me either - just false R that everyone here at SI saw from a mile away. But I do know that his IC and his sister both said that the kindest thing he could do would be to treat me fairly or generously in the D and then leave me alone. So his cowardice may also be a gift in that it is a clean break for you to start your new life.
And remember, cheaters are ALL cowards. they chose do the thing that made them feel good rather than face their issues and deal with uncomfortable stuff. Once discovered, things just got a LOT more uncomfortable, so very few can step up and do the hard work. And that has nothing to do with how amazing you and your family are. It is, like the A itself, all about them.
Sending hugs.. I know it hurts.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Weather13 ( new member #84029) posted at 9:02 AM on Thursday, July 25th, 2024
Marie82
I'm going through the same thing.
WH promised me over and over he'd never leave and would do "everything" to save the marriage. He'd make things right if it took the rest of his life.
Then flipped constantly from trying hard to behave empathetically to acting like a total pig, so I never knew where I stood and felt crazy.
Did yours do the same?
The irony that HE has left me because my trauma is unbearable to him...well words fail me.
I guess it's "easier" for me, as he assaulted me before he walked out.
So he's shown me who he is in the most overt way possible.
I totally understand your pain. That even after everything your H did, he didn't have it in him to fight and do whatever it took to keep you
It feels like the hurt and humiliation will never end.
I truly feel for you.
This is all on him and his weak character. He does not deserve you.
Please hold onto that. You are worth so much more.
This happened to me Saturday, so from the date of your post, we're only a day apart on this hellish bombshell.
I knew it was coming eventually, I guess.
But always thought it would be MY decision.
Still figuring it out.
Was attempting R.But now seeing D lawyer.
Me BS 51 WH 63 DD 24 June 2023Disclosure 25 - 26 JuneTT July to November. Then March this year.Lifelong severe porn addiction descending into subjects I find abhorrentMarried 24 ye
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 5:46 PM on Saturday, July 27th, 2024
I grieved the end of my M even though I filed for D. It's natural to grieve endings. It took a while, but as time passed and I processed, I came to realize that I was grieving a concept or idea, and ot the loss of an actual person.
At a certain point, I had an epiphany. I realized that if I met my EXWW right now, say on a dating app and we had a date,I would reject her. She just does not meet my criteria of a high value person. Add to this her history of cheating, and it's a done deal.
This begs the question, so what the hell am I missing with the end of my M?
You may find that your life becomes more peaceful and less chaotic without your WH in it. Give it time. Rooting for you.
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced 20
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 8:14 PM on Saturday, July 27th, 2024
I know that this is hard to believe, but please trust me when I say that him initiating divorce is probably the best thing your WH has done for you. He could be like 90% of cheaters who make promises that they can't or have no intention of keeping.
He could string you along for the the arbitrary "2-5 years" that everyone quotes about healing from infidelity as you bear the burden of dragging him kicking and screaming through "wreck-onciliation."
Would it feel more satisfying to kick him out and divorce on your own terms? Sure.
But the next best thing is to simply let the trash take itself out.
[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 8:16 PM, Saturday, July 27th]
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
