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Newest Member: Ozymandias

Divorce/Separation :
Please help, not new but appreciate information

Topic is Sleeping.

 wiserinsocal (original poster member #18487) posted at 11:04 PM on Tuesday, February 28th, 2023

I have been here for a long time and only remained M so my girls would be raised by me knowing it was not my place to abandon them.
Cut to the quick"
Time for me to leave, any help with a reference on an attorney to help me leave my current Marriage? Here in Socal Inland Empire region where a good man can get a fair shake.

Thank you all in advance

"It's the intangibles that are fragile"- WiserinSoCal

"The Main things are the plain things, and the Plain things are the main things" - Alistair Begg

Every one needs to believe in something, or they will fall for anything...

posts: 1805   ·   registered: Mar. 6th, 2008
id 8779886

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:13 AM on Wednesday, March 1st, 2023

Sorry, not in SoCal so I don't have any suggestions. I hope somebody will pitch in with advice. What I do know is that any attorney you visit for a consultation can't be used by your spouse because it's a conflict of interest.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3301   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8779948

Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 11:55 AM on Wednesday, March 1st, 2023

Here are some ways to start your attorney research.

First off, most metro areas have a metro-area magazine, and many do "best of" series yearly (i.e. best doctors, best dentists, best attorneys). That's a good place to start--your local library should have back issues.

You will want a family law specialist and someone who is highly experienced (at least 15 years).

There are a couple of websites I could reference--you are welcome to PM me for those.

I also look at Bar Association (local and state) activity. My attorney headed the Family Law section for a number of years, and actually co-authored the manual on how attorneys should manage divorce in my state. So she had a lot of credibility with the judge and the judge and her colleagues. Someone who has been active with the state or local bar would be helpful.

I'd look for an attorney who practices with a younger associate. That way, the associate bills out at a lower rate, but you get the benefit of the experienced attorney looking at their work and managing the case.

As you do your research, the same names/firms will start popping up. That will be where you want to concentrate your efforts.


[This message edited by Catwoman at 11:56 AM, Wednesday, March 1st]

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33182   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Ohio
id 8779968

Wiseoldfool ( member #78413) posted at 5:49 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023

I'm a trial lawyer who has handled family law cases for thirty years.

Catwoman's advice is mostly spot on, with one caveat. Those "best of" awards are bought and paid for, or manipulated by the person seeking them (rallying social media friends to case "votes"). I could buy my way into all kinds of "best of" and "top lawyer" awards, but they are meaningless. Where I practice, the lawyers touting their "best of" credentials are absolutely not the "best of" anything except purchasing fake "credentials."

The balance of catwoman's advice is sound.

One other thing you can do: go to the courthouse where your divorce would be filed. Find out to which judges divorces are assigned. Go to those judges' courtrooms on what is called "motion" day. Many lawyers and clients will be there that day. Look for the lawyers who clearly know everyone in the room: the lawyers, the clerks, the security. Look for the lawyers who move about the courtroom as if they've been there many times, the lawyers who own the space. Watch how the judge interacts with the lawyers. Look at the lawyers' shoes, suits, watches, files. Are they put together or sloppy? Are they organized or not? How a lawyer presents and is received by their colleagues and the court is what you are buying. Don't hire someone just because they have a fancy website with a lot of bought and paid for badges "top lawyer" or "best of" anything. You're buying steak, not sizzle.

Every secret you keep with your affair partner sustains the affair. Every lie you tell, every misunderstanding you permit, every deflection you pose, every omission you allow sustains the affair.

posts: 330   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2021
id 8780301

BallofAnxiety ( member #82853) posted at 6:42 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023

Like Wise, I am also a trial lawyer and I echo everything he said.

I also recommend asking people you know who have been divorced for recs or warnings. Family law is a word of mouth business. Also, find someone you feel comfortable with, you are going to be telling them some of your most intimate secrets.

Me: BW. STBXH: ONS 2006; DDay 12/2022 "it was only online," trickle truth until 1/2023 - "it was 1 year+ affair with MCOW." Separated and divorcing.

posts: 137   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2023   ·   location: USA
id 8780313

Wiseoldfool ( member #78413) posted at 8:47 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023

All that, too. ^^^

Every secret you keep with your affair partner sustains the affair. Every lie you tell, every misunderstanding you permit, every deflection you pose, every omission you allow sustains the affair.

posts: 330   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2021
id 8780344

TooOld ( new member #74671) posted at 11:09 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023

As a recovering corporate lawyer in California friends ask me the same question you have posed. I agree with the advice so far. Since you are in California I would add that the California bar has a specialist certification for Family Law. This requires additional education and testing. I refer friends to firms that have lawyers with this certification and that really specialize in family law/divorce versus an all around litigation or personal injury firm. If you can find a small firm that specializes in this area, that is good. There are many, many sole practitioners in this area that are great, but if you go that route make sure they have a good support staff. Also, go to the website of your local county bar association. There should be a Family Law Section. The lawyers that are active in the local bar association are worth a look. If they speak or write about Family Law extra points. You are not too far from Los Angeles County, so look there too. Many Los Angeles based firms have offices throughout greater Southern California. Hope this helps.

posts: 19   ·   registered: Jun. 25th, 2020   ·   location: SoCal
id 8780375
Topic is Sleeping.
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