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Newest Member: BallofAnxiety

Just Found Out :
Fooled again

Topic is Sleeping.
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RocketRaccoon ( member #54620) posted at 4:10 AM on Thursday, November 17th, 2022

WWTL,

Your big issue is this guy and if he ever starts to contact her. I’m hoping you have her locked down like Fort Knox as least as it pertains to him.


I beg to differ on this. I think it would be HER big issue, as the onus is on her to safeguard the M. I cannot remember who the poster was, but remember the term 'transference of vigilance' used to describe the behaviour of his (f)WW, and thought that it was a good way of putting it.

You cannot cure stupid

posts: 1042   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2016   ·   location: South East Asia
id 8765518
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LostOpportunities20 ( member #74401) posted at 4:16 PM on Thursday, November 17th, 2022

Legatus - good to hear that you feel better about your situation. If nothing else, the lessening of stress is huge.

Having said that, my WW has behaved impeccably since her affairs. And yet, after 13 years, there was some TT that set me back again. I only found out because I couldn't shake the feeling something was still off and demanded a poly. Then everything came out.

The TT/Poly results made the original affairs less horrible in some ways (no physical acts) and worse in others (they were exit affairs). Regardless, there was information that was kept secret and it caused huge issues for me that I was still being lied to.

If you can find the strength and time, I would try for the poly. It is not that your WW is not committed. Rather, there still might be info there that can cause a huge set back for you down the road.

Regardless, glad to hear that you are in a better mental space.

BH (late 40s) WW (late 40s) EA 2008, EA/probably PA 2009

Confessed the first, I caught her the second.

Leaning towards D, thinking harder about R

posts: 197   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2020
id 8765583
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Decorum ( member #47744) posted at 8:35 PM on Wednesday, December 7th, 2022

What a remarkable story.

Congratulations on your judicious journey to reconciliation through the land of hellish limbo.

The cost of simple selfishness is enormous. Your wife has come a long way. I feel myself rooting for you both.

Healing, health,and happiness for the holidays.

Best.

[This message edited by Decorum at 8:38 PM, Wednesday, December 7th]

posts: 74   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2015
id 8768540
Topic is Sleeping.
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