Newest Member: Dazedandconfused1978

I Can Relate :
Support Through Prayer ...Part 3

Topic is Sleeping.
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needfriendshere ( member #43350) posted at 6:57 PM on Thursday, December 17th, 2015

Prayers needed! Satan is working overtime as we approach the end of what should be a joyful, celebratory Advent season. We should be rejoicing that God sent Light into this dark world, but the enemy - who probably hates this time of year more then any living "being" - does not want to see anyone rejoice over the event that will ultimately lead to his complete destruction.

I was attacked BADLY this morning and was tempted (emphasis on the word "tempted") to throw H's belongings outside. I don't even want to get into it. It was just definitely an attack the way it happened.

Please pray for me, and for my sweet believing son, who inadvertently was used by the enemy this morning to make me reach a point of fury and despair. I HATE the devil and all of his works. When it comes down to it, "he" is the reason we are all here on this site, praying for each other. He finds people's weaknesses and feeds them until they grow into sin.

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.

posts: 1542   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2014
id 7424124
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notperfect5 ( member #43330) posted at 7:15 PM on Thursday, December 17th, 2015

LORD, Please help needfriends...

Help her feel your comfort and support. Give her wisdom to know your will and give her the courage and strength to do it.

I pray for her husband that is struggling to be the husband his wife wants and needs. Give him patience and guidance so that he and his wife grow closer.

I pray for her dear son, who so needs his parents to be strong and true to each other and to you.

Watch over them, take care of them, and help them do your will.

Amen

Oh, and one more thing...

St. Joseph! -- Please pray for mr. needfriends and family!

He's my patron saint -- I'm sure he'll put in a good prayer for you.

Me: 49 BH Her: 47 WW - Edith12
DDay 8/13 EA, fake R
Turned PA on 4/27/14 and fake R
PA during MC and my IC and her IC through 12/14
Polygraph on 4/30/15, TT 5/5/15.. TT on 10/4/15, 2nd Poly and TT 11/17/15
DD's 18, 16, 13, 10 DS 7

posts: 1212   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Southeast
id 7424151
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needfriendshere ( member #43350) posted at 7:34 PM on Thursday, December 17th, 2015

Thank you, NotPerfect5!

God has been amazing since I have reached out for prayer. I love St. Joseph too. Don't laugh, but he kind of helped us sell our home almost 8 years ago...

I will keep you in my prayers, as well. There is definitely power in prayer!

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.

posts: 1542   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2014
id 7424181
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 7:40 PM on Thursday, December 17th, 2015

needfriendshere, what a heartfelt prayer from notperfect. I simply add a prayer for you, your son and for your WH.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7424188
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hopefull77 ( member #43221) posted at 12:33 AM on Friday, December 18th, 2015

Needsfriends ....prayers sent your way....tomorrow is a school mass before Christmas break you and everyone here will be in my prayers....as always!!!

There is something special about school masses...love listening to the children sing and read the readings...it is pure innocence ....

peace to us all....

me-BS him-WS3 adult childrenmarried a long timeLTA 2010-2012D-day - 11-2012 status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."

posts: 2867   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2014   ·   location: sunny california
id 7424486
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blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 2:34 AM on Friday, December 18th, 2015

I got your six too, needsfriends and family!

You are spot on....satan loves adultery and hates those who will refuse to let it make them bitter, jaded and closed-hearted.

The temptation is real. The battle is real. The victory is real! Satan loves when reality is denied, such is the case with almost all sin.

Fact is we have the power to resist satan. Oh how he loves to tempt us away from that fact....."see? Your spouse doesn't love you....of he did he wouldn't have done that." "See? You can't change....you just sinned again." "See? Gods not there for you....it IS up to you to find YOUR comfort and safety."

Man......some of those lies feel soooo good and tempting.

The skill of "being still" is so critical. "You gotta chose and action NOW!" Is another of satans favorite ploys......and one that I swallowed for 30 years. It feels sooo good NOW to simply be still and watch those lies fade like the morning mist..........but sometimes I need to reach out to RL men in my life to do that.

Keep the faith. We are all where we are supposed to be right now. Gods rarely early, but He's never late!

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:31 AM, December 18th (Friday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 7424557
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hihn ( member #43986) posted at 4:04 PM on Monday, December 21st, 2015

As the birthday of our Lord is so near would anyone like to join me in a prayer?

Prayer; We thank you lord for the wisdom, knowledge and understanding you have bestowed upon us. We pray that you will continue to grant us and our families wisdom, knowledge and understanding. In Jesus name Amen

Me BS 58yo, Him WS 55yo, sex addict
DD#1 1/28/14 co-worker#1
DD#2 2/8/14 co-worker#2 9/13 - 4/14
DD#3 4/10/14 22+ anonymous sex OW
Full disclosure 7/30/14 30+ sex parteners,but is more likley 80+

posts: 393   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2014   ·   location: colorado, U.S.
id 7427314
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needfriendshere ( member #43350) posted at 5:32 PM on Monday, December 21st, 2015

Amen, Hihn! That is an excellent prayer.

I pray that we all have a joyous Christmas and a New Year full of surprisingly happy days. You have all been in my prayers every day. God bless you!

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.

posts: 1542   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2014
id 7427424
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 2:11 AM on Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

That is a lovely prayer, hihn. I join you. Thanks for your prayer, needfriends.

We celebrated Christmas on Saurday with 2 of our daughters and their families. It was our turn to have an off Christmas Christmas so the other side of one family could have their year of on Christmas Christmas. The family of one son-in-law does not live on this side of the Atlantic so we will go to their place for December 25.

I do all of the prayers and graces at our family functions. I usually ask for the Lord to be a shield for my loved ones and at this time of year I thank the Lord for the gift of his son for our salvation.

I pray, too, that we can see the love of the Lord. In spite of the trials and tribulations we face the Lord is there to carry us through.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7427867
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StrongHeart ( member #45092) posted at 4:15 PM on Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

Praying with y'all.

I pray that our hearts can be soft and fully open to celebrate the birthday of our savior. I pray that we find some peace and comfort amidst the chaos that is this life. I pray you all have a very Merry Christmas.

BS: 32; XWH: 34; DS: 3
DDay: 3/8/2014; D: 8/31/2015

"There is little growing in comfort and little comfort in growing"-unknown

"Don't take your emotional temperature in the ass of a psychopath."-unknown

posts: 1791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Louisiana
id 7428289
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hopefull77 ( member #43221) posted at 3:25 PM on Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015

I just read this quote from Joan of Arc...thought I would share...

"If I am in your truth, God, keep me there. If I am not, God, put me there."

Peace at Christmas and always!

me-BS him-WS3 adult childrenmarried a long timeLTA 2010-2012D-day - 11-2012 status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."

posts: 2867   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2014   ·   location: sunny california
id 7429086
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hihn ( member #43986) posted at 2:35 PM on Thursday, December 24th, 2015

Hopefull77

Thanks for the quote. I have made it part of my prayers today. May you have a blessed Christmas

Me BS 58yo, Him WS 55yo, sex addict
DD#1 1/28/14 co-worker#1
DD#2 2/8/14 co-worker#2 9/13 - 4/14
DD#3 4/10/14 22+ anonymous sex OW
Full disclosure 7/30/14 30+ sex parteners,but is more likley 80+

posts: 393   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2014   ·   location: colorado, U.S.
id 7429925
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 11:48 PM on Thursday, December 24th, 2015

I hadn't seen that before, hopefull. Something to commit to memory and repeat in prayer.

Merry Christmas all. May there be more joyful periods than sad ones this season.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7430367
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blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 2:21 PM on Sunday, December 27th, 2015

Religion may have a lot of good advice, but the Gospel is the good news!!!

We have a savior!

Merry Christmas!

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 7431828
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hihn ( member #43986) posted at 9:54 PM on Sunday, December 27th, 2015

Did anyone have a blessed Christmas? Please share! As for me, I was blessed by experiencing my 1st Christmas without my dysfunctional in-laws in 27 years. It was wonderful, quiet, & peaceful...a dream come true..😉

Me BS 58yo, Him WS 55yo, sex addict
DD#1 1/28/14 co-worker#1
DD#2 2/8/14 co-worker#2 9/13 - 4/14
DD#3 4/10/14 22+ anonymous sex OW
Full disclosure 7/30/14 30+ sex parteners,but is more likley 80+

posts: 393   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2014   ·   location: colorado, U.S.
id 7432088
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blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 6:53 PM on Monday, December 28th, 2015

I'm starting to grasp what "blessings" really are.

Blessings are far more than things that bring comfort and security. I've seen first hand how trials and discomfort are blessings too.

Hihn.....you mention being free from your inlaws. I've seen my own family dynamics change considerably thorough this trial. Though that change is uncomfortable at times, it is GOOD!

I think I see this in my wife too with her FOO.

It is a factor/consequence of leading an authentic life. Maybe "attempting to lead an authentic life" is a better way of stating it....as I fail yet.

This is a blessing in that , while I can't change anyone else, I don't have to enable unhealthy interactions.

Also, a realistic view of how relationships ARE is sad and painful to look at......but it helps with developing realistic expectations. I no longer have the hope of a better past.....my hope lies in the present.

I hope of explained this well. It's still so knew I don't fully grasp it yet.

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 7432790
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hopefull77 ( member #43221) posted at 2:55 PM on Wednesday, December 30th, 2015

I read an article this morning about the heart having many rooms...

this was the last sentence...it sums it up pretty well...

To be human is to be pathologically complex. To come to peace is to find an alphabet with enough letters, a song with enough notes, and a heart with enough rooms.

peace everyone!

me-BS him-WS3 adult childrenmarried a long timeLTA 2010-2012D-day - 11-2012 status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."

posts: 2867   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2014   ·   location: sunny california
id 7434415
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Sadlady14 ( member #47265) posted at 1:55 AM on Friday, January 1st, 2016

Need prayers. 11 mo out. In middle of my A season. All seemed ok but had very minor argument about normal non A stuff and he said is arguing about anything is too triggering and he doesn't want to be M anymore. Really seemed to be R. Feel like everything I've changed doesn't matter. Told him he expects perfection and he said yeah, maybe I do....I am only human.

posts: 303   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2015
id 7436007
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blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 1:39 PM on Friday, January 1st, 2016

Gently......it took over 2 years for my WW to even attempt to put the "f" in front of that. She was convinced OM was "all that" and that I was somehow a large reason for her A. Both lies. Both told through deception.

Remember.....adultery is not a one-off bad-choice. It's a pattern of choosing that eventually includes adultery.

I think it very odd that any WS finds anything close to remorse that first year.

How did we not D? Gods grace and mercy was a part of that......but if my wife had a good job that supported her, I FEEL she'd have been gone.

I put FEEL because I don't know this for a FACT.

Adultery like all sin is factually wrong.....but our feelings can and do deceive us. Feelings can be strong.....my wife was like a drug addict in her A. But no matter how strong a feeling is its not a fact.

To change, a person must choose to do so BEFORE they feel like it.

At 2 years, and upon another DD I contacted an attorney. That was a change.....and I finally started to break my CoD ways. Oh, the crap I did in an effort to change my wife! Ha! Thank God for his healing power....I can smile amour some of my worst choices!!!

Change occurs when the pain of same exceeds the pain of change.

When I pray for those who hurt me, it's not that I pray they get what they want. I pray their heart is convicted that they need to embrace good choices while abandonment for and repenting from bad ones. I also pray MY eyes are opened in the same way.

Courage and disceremt to you.

I k is its scary....thus the need for courage.

I know it's confusing....thus discernment.

Satan hates all things good....and M and a family are some of Gods strongest good things. They are satans high-value targets and adultery is his weapon of mass destruction.

It was used in my FOO and some of my wounding as a child was taken with me and into my M.

It is sooooo good to experience healing of long standing, largely hidden wounds. I pray you experience this too....and pray the and for your husband.

Adultery is medication to numb his pain(and that "pain" is NOT you). He needs healing, not medicating.

Only the GREAT PHYSICIAN can do this, and God must be invited in. Sin blocks God.

Keep the faith. In know this sucks, I know adultery kills marriage and fractures families. But I also know God is working in YOU! Don't believe lies in your head, don't make hope-killing agreements with satan.

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 7436268
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Sadlady14 ( member #47265) posted at 10:25 PM on Friday, January 1st, 2016

Thank you for your prayers and insight Blakesteel.

Change Occurs when the pain of same exceeds the pain of change]

This is really applicable now. Before my A we had a lots of conflict. Both of our tolerance for it has lessened throughout the past eleven months. As a result, with any conflict he retreats and seems to be testing. The pain of his retreat away from me is really, really painful when I feel as though things had been improving. As a result I have trouble t rusting him.

I did have remorse within the first three to four months and now it hits me in waves. I have had no interest in AP since very soon after D day. Maybe it was BC I had huge internal conflict during those seven weeks and I also confessed although did it in a horrible self serving way. The fog lifted quickly and I was mortified by what I had done. Of course at first there was a lot of regret but the remorse came and I saw how I had hurt H so badly, going back to similar situations his parents went through. I know I will sound like an idiot but I didn't really know how much he loved me until after my A was revealed BC I had been functioning in my poor me selfish ways.

During and after I have felt glimpses of God, usually when things have been very bad. I found a prayer for marriage that seems to help at least bring me some peace. Sometimes I feel like for the first time in my life God has abandoned me yet I can't really believe that and I see evidence it is not true.

I am trying to have courage but sometimes the fear and anxiety is bad and my body physically reacts and I shut down which didn't help when he wants information. I am trying different strategies to deal with that, breathing,counting, momentary prayer before I answer.

The downs of the roller coaster are very difficult. I put us here and I am committed to H and going through it. Thanks for your prayers and wisdom.

posts: 303   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2015
id 7436628
Topic is Sleeping.
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