Hihn.....no, absolutely not. You don't have to stay in relationship with those that choose to hurt you. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, nor is it to choose to be a door mat. You don't need to stay in relationship with them. I messed that up on my previous DD's......partly due to well-meaning but wrong "Christian advice", partly to my own yet to be unburied brokenness.
Forgiveness is important, we are called to forgive.....but we are not called to continue the relationship if the sin/destructive choices continue. Jesus choose to do this....forgive AND fight for a relationship with non-repentant people (us). This is where some pastors, including mine, have the gospel wrong.....and confuse others.
The whole bit of bringing sin one on one, then a small group, then the church......then, if the sin continues we are to distance ourselves. That's God understanding how sin damages our hearts.....pollutes the well spring of life! He calls us to protect our hearts! Note: doesn't mean to box our hearts up. Satan loves that when folks do this....cause the heart is where our power against satan lies. The Holy Spirit lives in our hearts. Take it out and you will fall. Which is why adultery sucks so bad........it tempts us to withdraw from from others (not just our WS), it confirms a lie many of us have believed since childhood--that we are not worth love.
NFH......good point on anger. We are never told we won't get angry....we will and SHOULD! Again, it took me a while to allow anger to be felt early into this trial. We are "just" called to not SIN in anger.
God gives us our emotions....and trusts us to be self disciplined enough to use them wisely.
Know when I talked to an attorney? When I had a third DD and felt angry enough to quit doing the same dang CoD dance! Know when my wife decided adultery wasn't such a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? When I talked to an attorney. That was anger used righteously.
We both should have used this from the start of our M.....actually, would have been cool if we used it BEFORE we met. Perhaps them we could have dealt with our deepest wounds sooner....started the healing sooner.
That's the physical world part.....but the battles we fight start in the spiritual realm.
Our hearts are at stake. God wants to restore/make new....satan wants to steal and destroy.
Jesus finding the swap meet in the temple....he got angry. Righteously so. And he used that to do the right thing. He did not sin but he was not passive either! The turn the other cheek is not meant to instruct us to stay in abusive relationships. Look how many of us come from homes where parents didn't choose rightly and in doing so modeled really wrong relational skills for us......or abused us.
I'm in the middle of this particular battle right now. I will get another victory, but right now I feel isolated, alone and hurting.
Note I say "feeling". I've been in this battle long enough to know its not a fact. No matter how strong a feeling is, it's not a fact.
You are never as alone as you feel.
It's us never as dark as you think.
Courageously engage your heart and allow help to lead you forward. If others who hurt you choose to repent and a right path that's all the better. But don't let them failing to choose better keep you from doing so......and that may mean choosing to leave them where they are choosing to stay.
Thankful for SI.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:09 PM, December 7th (Monday)]