I have done all I can to eliminate contact. Blocked phone, blocked email.
Everything I can think of.
I get a book in the mail yesterday. "all about love".
I didn't order it. I hoped that I did and forgot, . I even checked through my bank statement to make sure. Of course I didn't.
It creeped me out. I was out last night and everytime a pick up was behind me I got anxious. Walking to the house, I was looking over my shoulder. I am safe at home, I have my son, an alarm, 3 dogs.
I unblocked his email last night. It felt kind of scary knowing he is thinking something??? and I don't know what.
So, sure enough about midnight I see an email from him, just another one liner. Along with emails from the last several weeks, they all came through. All just the one liners about how much he is hurting and the one that is sticking, "we are not done".
Okay, so I blocked it again. It did me no good, I still cannot know what he is capable of. I can never know what is really in his head.
All it did was ramp up my anxiety. So, blocked it again. NOw I guess all I can do is be very careful.
I really thought that he would move on more quickly. I really thought that he would have found someone already and forgotten about me. I guess it isn't so easy for him now.
No real home, no real job, not a whole lot to offer for a man in his 50's. Those kinds of things would be red flags to me now. Of course, he could always just lie. He could give a sob story of why he is in this position, milk it for sympathy from a stranger.
Just shaking my head in total WTFness. He really is "one of those".
I have no desire to respond. That is such a relief! I get that I will never have a real conversation with him. Now I really understand word salad. The further out I am, I see the circular conversations, the manipulation. It is a sad relief.
I hope that this is the extent of it and nothing more. Then I remember that I thought I knew him before, that he would never hit me, he would never cheat on me, he had so much pain in his life. All I thought was true was only pretend. Now that makes me a little nervous because now, how do I know, "he would never". I cannot, all I can do is be aware.