SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Today wife joined S.I. Suggested she spend most of her time reading in the Waywards section. This is a good sign.

She's welcome to read everything I've posted. It's nothing she hasn't already heard me say to her.

C'mon, losfer. Incarnate would come up with a much more memorable way of putting it.

I'd probably default to the corporate style response, lol.

"I appreciate the enthusiasm of your response, however, the committee has already come to a decision on this matter. We will definitely seek your participation at a more beneficial time!"

Today wife joined S.I. Suggested she spend most of her time reading in the Waywards section. This is a good sign.

She's welcome to read everything I've posted. It's nothing she hasn't already heard me say to her.

After DDay 1, I suggested to my ex that she join S.I. I can't remember if she did or not, and I don't feel like going and getting into her computer to see if she did, or if she's watching my posts here. At this point, since we're not seeking R in any way, I really couldn't give half of a rat shit. She's still in La La Land. Seems to be establishing permanent residency there.

Aaaaand tripletap.

Been struggling with anxiety for the last few days. Finally broke down and took a quarter of one of my 2MG maximum strength Lorazepam, and it's taken the edge off. I don't like using it because it makes my mind soft, and I take pride in being as sharp as a rapier point all the time. Plus it is habit forming, and I build resistances fast, requiring more and more to get the effects, which makes things like this (and any opioids) especially dangerous for me. Mostly, I just avoid it altogether.

So instead, since this is my Friday to be able to go out, I'm going tf out. Not t o a bar or a club or a comedy show or anything, I'm too broke for that shit. No, I'm bringing a goodly amount of smoke (legal state) to a friend's house, we're gonna get lit with her and her girlfriend, and we'll see what happens. It's already been established that if I'm too stoned to drive, I can crash there.

She's in a relationship with another woman, so anything of that sort is not even a consideration. It's just getting out of the house and doing something that isn't work or parenting or avoiding the ex. I work, pretty much every day, 12 to 16 hours, sometimes more, on writing and editing and formatting and cover design... I can hermit up pretty easily if I don't actively fight it.

Well, I'm actively fighting it, and I'll get to have out with a couple of fun people and let some natural medicating take place. Looking forward to it.

Today wife joined S.I. Suggested she spend most of her time reading in the Waywards section. This is a good sign.

My wife is on SI too. There are some cons but it’s a net positive and I’m glad I encouraged her to join.

My advice would be she read a bit and not just the Wayward section. Let her read other folk’s stories in JFO, General and Reconciliation. There’s a lot of pain, hurt, and anger, as well as examples of inauthentic behavior as well as positive stories. She’ll get the whole gamut and for some (like my WW) it was very helpful.

And when she’s ready, she should post. People will hold her accountable and challenge her there, and sometimes the WS’s there are the toughest of the lot. The experience posting and being called to the carpet and being accountable can be very beneficial.

Either way, a good sign as you said.

But what could it be?🤔 A change of genre, possibly?

Loukas - I'm thinking same band, but change the song. RunToTheHills.

Today wife joined S.I. Suggested she spend most of her time reading in the Waywards section. This is a good sign.

Good luck, Mr. K. Some of us have had mixed results with inviting our spouses here. I'm hoping it works out in your favor.

I'd probably default to the corporate style response, lol.

"I appreciate the enthusiasm of your response, however, the committee has already come to a decision on this matter. We will definitely seek your participation at a more beneficial time!"

You could definitely find a job position in corporate America as an HR guy, if you so choose.

Have fun, and enjoy the evening Incarnate. Good to see you blowing off some steam in a safe environment. Good on you for being cautious with the Lorazepam. When I got subscribed a small dosage of an SSRI for my severe depression, the psychiatrist suggested Xanax for my anxiety. I completely refused the prescription for very similar reasons that you have mentioned here. I don't think benzos would be a good thing for me. I hope getting away for a bit and relaxing helps with the anxiety.

I tend to hermit up as well. Forced myself to get out and watch my favorite sports team lose with some high school friends last night. It was still a good time.

Happy Friday, Gents! Cheers!

My wife is on SI too. There are some cons but it’s a net positive and I’m glad I encouraged her to join.

My advice would be she read a bit and not just the Wayward section.

Let her read other folk’s stories in JFO, General and Reconciliation. There’s a lot of pain, hurt, and anger, as well as examples of inauthentic behavior as well as positive stories. She’ll get the whole gamut and for some (like my WW) it was very helpful.

Good idea. I'll pass that on to her. Thanks.

And when she’s ready, she should post. People will hold her accountable and challenge her there, and sometimes the WS’s there are the toughest of the lot. The experience posting and being called to the carpet and being accountable can be very beneficial.

I would be absolutely shocked if she ever posted anything here, much less started a thread asking for help. But at least this is a beginning.

Good luck, Mr. K. Some of us have had mixed results with inviting our spouses here. I'm hoping it works out in your favor.

Thank you as always.

Forced myself to get out and watch my favorite sports team lose with some high school friends last night.

Thw Broncos and the Rams. SMH

Some of us have had mixed results with inviting our spouses here. I'm hoping it works out in your favor.

I'd second this one. Mine wasn't a bad experience, just kind of a waste of time.

Talking to internet strangers wasn't her thing.

Have fun, and enjoy the evening Incarnate. Good to see you blowing off some steam in a safe environment.

A direct visual representation of last night;

Yeaaah. I can drink just about anyone under the table; my alcohol tolerance is huge, and my resistance to PKs is pretty high. Smoking, on the other hand... no tolerance. None. Absolutely none. Shared a single joint between three people and I was -gone- for about an hour and a half/two hours. Spent most of the evening trying to remember the beginning of the sentence I was currently saying.

I only smoke maybe 2-3 times a year, and I normally only do it at home, but it was really nice to be able to just kick back and not have to worry about anything and let my mind take a vacation. Not something I'll be doing consistently, but it was okay for a night.

My W joined about 2 years in. She wanted some support from me that I didn't want to give, but I thought she could get it from WS.

After she got responses to her first post, she said, '(the responses) are a little harsh.' Our agreement at that time was not to read each other's posts, do I don't know what the dialog was.

But my W stuck it out and has learned and contributed. I hope your W learns and contributes, too, Mr. Kite, and I hope doing so helps you and your M.

(signed) sisoon, wearing his helpless romantic hat

But my W stuck it out and has learned and contributed. I hope your W learns and contributes, too, Mr. Kite, and I hope doing so helps you and your M.

(signed) sisoon, wearing his helpless romantic hat

Ever the eternal optimist. God knows we need more of that here. At least I do.

After she got responses to her first post, she said, '(the responses) are a little harsh.'

I don't read in the wayward forums much, because I would be tempted to post, and then I would get banned, and, well, it just wouldn't end well. I do go in from time to time when there's a topic on the main page that catches my eye, and from what I have read in there, it seems that bullshit is not tolerated. Excuses are not tolerated. Honesty and owning your shit seems to be expected from the first post.

Spent the day out taking pictures. Got some real awesome ones I wish I could share here, but I'm feeling too lazy to make a HREF to each one and I can't post a link to the whole album.....

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 4:40 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]

Sounds like you needed a bit of a mental escape, Incarnate. Maybe being couch locked was the reboot button that you needed. Were you back to the grind the next day with your novel, etc.?

Thw Broncos and the Rams. SMH

Rams are doing better than the dang Broncos!

Sisoon - I've always appreciated your positive outlook, back when I was trying to reconcile, and now when I'm in the process of S/D. Just keep being you, man!

Spent the day out taking pictures.

Sounds like a good day, tbk. Always good to get out and capture the moments.

Been having a productive weekend here. Got a lot done, and it felt good. Have had some recent depression lately, and I didn't realize how bad it was until I've started snapping out of it. Mental illness at its finest. Going to go swap out strings on my guitar and blow out my sprinkler system now. Hope you gents are having a great weekend.

Always good to get out and capture the moments.

I just hadn't been feeling the urge to go out and take pictures much this summer. Partially because the couple I usually go with haven't been around much, and it's always more fun with the competition. After an outing we always have a "mini showing" where each presents his/her "best three" for critique, which may be any number of pictures except three.

So I finished going through about 200 pictures from yesterday, picking out the keepers and editing them. Here's a couple from the 50 or so I kept. My "best three" so to speak.

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 3:44 PM, October 20th (Sunday)]

@Losfer;

Yeah, the checkout/shutdown was nice, and last night, I went ahead and took half a draw off of a hookah, got decently stoned as well, but I think I'm good for the next while. Being high isn't a huge deal or drive for me, and looking at everyone else when they're smoking and listening to them, observing them... it's not terribly appealing.

The ex got -blasted- stoned last night and had to lay down in her bed, unable to entertain her guests. I don't know why I did it, but I gave her a bottle of water and made sure she had a container if she got sick, checked on her a few times... I always took care of her when she was sick or got overly high before, and I just did it again.

I sort of wish that I had just let her fend for herself, but I also feel like that would reflect more on me than it would on her. Maybe she'll see it and realize what she threw away. Not to get back together, of course, but I want it to sting.

Great news though; my old boss reached out to me today and said one of his part-timers is quitting to work int he field his degree is in (no idea what that is) so he'll have an opening for a job I am very, very experienced and comfortable in, in a location that I ma super familiar with and still very well liked (our local Costco).

Bad news; they test for THC in their pre-screening, and I got stoned two days in a row. Whooooops.

Good thing is, I very, very seldom smoke, so i don't have a lot of it built up in my system, and I am a lightweight (two hits on Friday night and half of a hookah drag last night), so it shouldn't be in my system for very long, all things considered.

I'm thinking the employment process should be long enough that it'll be out of my system before the moment of truth. I'm just going to do was I usually do and just not smoke until I know what's what. A week or two later, and I should be gold.

@tbkjcn;

I like the first two the most. I've always been a fan of still-life plower photographs. I'm not much of a photographer myself, but I've taken a few that I am super fond of. Lemmie see if I can find them real quick.

Really nice photography, tbk!!! I think I like the third to last one best, with the butterfly on the zinnia, or whatever type of flower it is. All of the pics are really nicely done!

Your pics are great as well, Incarnate!

I've shared a few pics of mine over the years. Beers with a malamute. Eh. I'm a lost cause.

Incarnate - You did the right thing with your care taking, in my personal and humble opinion. I think it is important for you to continue to be the person who you are as you separate, divorce, and move forward in your life.

Best of luck with the Costco position. I have a good friend that works for them, and they offer great bennies. Back in the day we used a product called Golden Seal, along with vinegar to help with the drug test. Good luck!

so he'll have an opening for a job

Awesome news. Best of luck with the job.

I've taken a few that I am super fond of

I really like the last one, but then I like unexpected viewpoints. I had a teacher that gave an assignment to take 50 pictures each of three different subjects (obviously this was in the post-film age). Really forced you to explore a picture from every possible angle and come up with something unexpected. Hence the picture of the WWI monument taken flat on my back with my head up against the base with a 10mm lens.

All of the pics are really nicely done!

Thanks, I've been taking pictures since I was a teenager, but I'm just an amateur dabbler. I try and take at least a couple seminars from a local pro here every year.

I have a dive friend from Germany who takes absolutely gorgeous pictures, both above and below the water. I'd be making money off them if it were me, but she hangs out with real pros (magazine cover pros) and so she calls herself "just a beginner".

the butterfly on the zinnia

I think last year I posted some macros I got of bees in the apple blossoms in the back yard. I love macro (obviously). I was very surprised to find butterflies hanging out in the butterfly habitat still. It was supposed to be a day of shooting fall colors but since very few trees here have turned yet, it ended up being an 8-hour epic of macro flowers and butterflies. Maybe next weekend we'll have some leaves to shoot.

I think it is important for you to continue to be the person who you are

I agree wholeheartedly. I've decided over the last few years that it's just way too much work to be someone else, so I've been trying to find "me."

Hence the picture taking. in my teens and twenties it would have been unusual to find me without a camera. For many years I put it aside and maybe got a camera out on holidays for snapshots. Just didn't have the time, what with trying to be the perfect husband. The last five years I've been indulging the muse again. Which has led to a sad affliction known to photographers as LBA. Lens Buying Addiction to the uninitiated. Recovery is rare, but has been rumored to have happened, usually to a friend of a friend of someone's brother.

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 8:25 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

Hence the picture taking. in my teens and twenties it would have been unusual to find me without a camera. For many years I put it aside and maybe got a camera out on holidays for snapshots. Just didn't have the time, what with trying to be the perfect husband. The last five years I've been indulging the muse again.

That's great! Similarly, I had pretty much put my guitar down for about 20 years. Have a gig coming up in a couple of weeks. I'm having some reminders of why being in a band isn't always fun, but I'm getting pretty stoked for our upcoming shows, and I've already made some great friendships. I just have this feeling that once I set foot on the stage, I will feel like I am in my 20's again. Here's to freedom.

I'm having some reminders of why being in a band isn't always fun

Why is that?

Why is that?

It's kind of like being in a marriage with four other people. For the most part this has been positive, but there has been a couple of issues, and I'm glad it's not a long term project. When it's done, we will all remain good friends.