SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I agree with TRT.

At times, it's almost like A1's wife was here asking for help and not him on this thread.

He's moving forward and will be well. Great man. Keep marching forward brother

My point is this, any way you go, only time will help you deal with the pain. Nobody in pain or trauma wants to hear this. It will never go away, neither with D or R.

I totally disagree with the premise that the pain will never go away. I do agree that neither R nor D absolves pain and that it takes time.

But yes the pain can go away eventually. I am older. Been thru the pain that was like being boiled in oil. Hideous horrible searing pain for months and yes even a few years. But I can honestly say that I have ZERO pain today. And I know others who feel the same as me. Some R, some D.

[This message edited by Oftencheatedon at 9:24 PM, January 15th (Monday)]

Needless to say, all decisions to be made since DD are solely your decisions, as they should be. In my fairly long life I have made, and learned from, quite a number of hard decisions. I learned that a life changing decision made solely for me is usually an easy decision to make. But a decision made for and by me that has an effect on other lives is much harder to make. Because I had to consider what my decision will do to the lives of other people. I also learned that turmoil and doubt is created when all the decisions that can be made are bad ones, but I still had to make a decision. What happened to you will stay with you until you take your last breath whether you D or R. Take your year to think through what your future will be like in either case. Consider what D or R will do to you, to your daughters, your extended family. I am not advocating neither D or R. I am advocating what is best for you and all those you love. I do wish you well.

I have been following this thread for a while and one thing is for sure,it is all about your wife and what she wants,needs,wishes.

People,cheating is not mistake and especially not in this case. She cheated for years and years,lied about it even more. She planned another life with OM!!! OP is plan B simple as that. If you think otherwise you are lying to yourself.

She didnt even think about OP or their daughters,family,friends... It was and still is about her.

Ofc. she wants to stay married at this point. She is probably around 45-50,not getting younger,got a nice house,good money,clothes and put some holidays in it. Every one of us wants that,right???

T/J

Trtroles,

Do you have any data to substantiate your position that this thread is all about what AO’s wife wants, needs, and wishes? If so, please provide data substantiating that at least a plurality of the posts are about wants, needs and wishes. Further, please provide your metrics determining how to define that this thread is all about what AO’s wife wants, needs, and wishes.

Further, besides stating that AO is Plan B, please provide substantiated data that this is a fact, rather than your conjecture. Sorry, but their history will just not do. I want to see statements from his wife, or STBXW, proving this to be a fact.

Finally, regarding this threadjack, please provide data never thought of AO, her family, and friends. As I don’t suspect you can provide this data from this thread, how about you provide it from AO’s wife, or soon to be ex, since you know so much.

We’re waiting.

End T/J

For better, or worse, I despise comments like the above, as they, in my opinion, ASSume too many issues, or straight out provide unsubstantiated conjecture, in order to form the opinion. I do not suspect Trtroles will be able to provide any substantive, objective, data to support his position.

Further, I wholeheartedly lack respect for persons that mimic “facts” spouted by others without having remotedly experienced the pain and anguish experienced by the OP. For example, there is a poster here that has admitted that his WW engaged in much less grevious activity than the OP, yet still portends to know what is best for OP.

I am sorry, but my ex-wife f’ed someone besides me. I divorced her. I knew I couldn’t get over it. On the other hand, I personally prefer to disregard persons that reinforce reasons AO should divorce when their SO didn’t fu”k someone else. If you haven’t figured out the above, I’m asking you, XXXXX.

[This message edited by Drumstick at 11:31 AM, January 16th (Tuesday)]

A1, I've been reading SI for almost 2 years now and am a newer member. I've not yet posted my story, but I navigated through my nightmare similarly to you, in that I immediately sought legal counsel, set paperwork in motion and gained control of the situation from the get-go. I'm so sorry for the heartache, devastation and pain you've experienced. And, kudos to you for taking control of the situation as you have and proceeding forward with D. However, if I may just give one piece of advice......give yourself TIME before you make any final decisions. From a few of the things you've said, I sense that you still love your wife deeply. What she did, for many, and justifiably so, would be a complete dealbreaker. But, you have to do what's right for you and be sure it's the best decision for you, even if WW is showing herself to be R material. Just be aware that what you are feeling now will be different than what you are feeling 6 months from now, etc. I'm almost 2 yrs out and can attest that where I was at 3 months in, versus 6 months, a year, and now, is no where near the emotional place I'm at now. I'm referring to level of anger, being able to even consider loving this person again, even wrapping the brain around picking up pieces and the possiblity of putting things back together with this person. Maintain control, allow yourself to process through what you need to do in order to continue to move forward and protect yourself, but give yourself at least a full year before making any important decisions regarding your wife and your future together (D'd or R'd). YOU are in control....you owe it to yourself to take all the time you need. And whatever you decide, know that all of us here at SI fully support you. Wishing you the best!

Kinda like saying you can't say a song sucks if you're not a singer yourself...

Or you're not allowed to say an actor's performance was bad bc you're not an actor.

You don't have to have direct experience in something in order to have an opinion.

Hell, you can be an expert in something without ever having participated.

Hell, you can be an expert in something without ever having participated.

Yeah, I often tell my wife that the pain of childbirth "...couldn't have been that bad. I mean...really"

ok Drumstick I saw you deleted my name in your post. It's ok. I deleted my response PM me if you have issues. Obviously we don't agree on stuff. However, this doesn't need to happen on this board

Otherwise I will stay on my course in this thread.

However, maybe we can chill and respect each other

[This message edited by Western at 11:49 AM, January 16th (Tuesday)]

GoldenR,

Hell, you can be an expert in something without ever having participated.

I’m sure all concert pianists, cellists, and violinists hold your opinion. 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

Western,

I’m sorry. I had a bad night. You won’t see this again.

Edit: Nm...t/j ends here.

[This message edited by GoldenR at 1:05 PM, January 16th (Tuesday)]

You guys need to stop using this thread to have your personal battles / push your own agendas. Hopefully AO doesn't read all these comments and think "fuck this, I'm gonna stop posting here". A lot of people are projecting their own situations and feelings here. Like if AO chooses to R or D, it would make them feel better about their own decision to do either. 1 more for their team, so to speak.

He hasn't posted in awhile. That's possibly because he has made up his mind to D, and doesn't need anybody else's input besides his family and his IC. Given what he's been through, I don't think anybody could find fault in his decision to D, if that's what he truly wants. But if in 6 months he has a change of heart and wants to try to R, then I for one would also offer him any support or advice I could, given that I chose R for myself.

Drumstick, you are a good guy. We just disagree on some things. That's ok. I had abad day today/. Sometimes, life gets in the way of happiness. Tomorrow will be better for both of us. In the end, it's all about A1 and we agree on that. We are all here to help.

A1, how are you doing today ?

[This message edited by Western at 3:28 PM, January 16th (Tuesday)]

Fenderguy, A1 is used to the battles here. I hate it and i am also culpable. However, he's through these things. He is to be credited for that

Hey A1,

How you holding up? Is the tofu still working?

For craps sake. The man has not posted in 2 weeks. Can you quit bickering and wait to see what he has to,say. This forum is about helping. Not justifying positions.

bump

A1,

I hope you are doing well and haven't fallen and hit your head. I know you are busy with work and renovations but I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing.

bump

Hopefully the guy just decided that he knew what he wanted to do, and that watching all of us debate his situation was not helping him. Or maybe this site was a trigger for him in general, and it's impeding him moving on. Maybe his IC told him to stop posting?

I hope he's okay, and that he's had no further health problems. I also worry about his WWs mental wellbeing. She made her own bed, of course. But to suddenly just lose everything; your entire life, your home, your husband, her children won't speak to her... that's rough. Hopefully she hasn't done something to herself.