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Marz ( member #60895) posted at 2:36 PM on Saturday, October 23rd, 2021
I disagree completely ... a "great sign" would have been if she possessed the self-awareness to have never even considered taking this trip in the first place. IMHO, you are in no better or worse position than you were when you first posted here.
This^^^
Under the circumstances this was a horrible decision on her part. It shows no care for you or your feelings.
guvensiz ( member #75858) posted at 12:40 AM on Sunday, October 24th, 2021
I don't know what your current situation is. We usually talk about bad possibilities, but here I have to talk about a good possibility, although it is not high. Your WW put AP out of her mind so much that it didn't even occur to her that she was going to the city where he lived and that it would make you feel bad.
If so, that's a really great sign. But if she knew it will make you feel bad and went without telling you anything altough, it shows that she doesn't really care much. It's not enough just for her to know that she had no intention of cheating again, she should have at least talked about it to you and reassured you that nothing would happen.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 11:40 AM on Sunday, October 24th, 2021
Whether she cheated in the trip or not, her self centered behavior continues.
Expect more of the same down the road. She’s always going to be of the mindset that her needs come first.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 11:25 PM on Sunday, October 24th, 2021
^^^^^ exactly. Read the signs.
routerx (original poster new member #75569) posted at 3:22 PM on Monday, October 25th, 2021
I agree she was tone deaf regarding the trip. I can deal with (not accept, but adjust to) selfish behavior, just not infidelity.
redfish ( member #71426) posted at 5:48 PM on Monday, October 25th, 2021
had her entire trip monitored top to bottom
How did you monitor her vacation? You mentioned earlier posts a PI. Do you know for sure he was there and gave you photos, notes of her going to places her friends mentioned? If not, he may have taken your money and not done the job.
Wanttobebetter ( member #72484) posted at 6:35 PM on Monday, October 25th, 2021
I agree she was tone deaf regarding the trip. I can deal with (not accept, but adjust to) selfish behavior, just not infidelity.
You can't separate your WW self-centered/selfish behaviors from infidelity. Her cheating was rooted on her selfish thinking that led to those self-centered behavior, including cheating.
It is her thought process (or lack of) which contributing to the infidelity. Yeah, she was able to resist the urge this time but like others had pointed out, this will continue. I am not saying to D just because of this. She had to show you her willingness to change her thought process make herself a safer partner to you.
Good Luck.
WontBeFooledAgai ( member #72671) posted at 7:04 PM on Monday, October 25th, 2021
I really think the Moderators need to move this thread. The OP is NOT in Reconciliation, so a more appropriate place for this would be in General of JFO.
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 8:30 PM on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021
Living the life of a marriage warden is a thankless task. You can only control yourself. Not much else.
[This message edited by Marz at 8:31 PM, Tuesday, October 26th]
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 4:47 PM on Wednesday, October 27th, 2021
Can I ask you a relationship question:
Since your d-day have you and your wife ever taken a vacation alone? That is – without the kids.
Anything comparable to her going for the weekend with her GF to another city?
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
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