SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The only way exposure would go bad is if OM wants WW at any cost and tells her "honey, let him do his best at exposure- I want you no matter what". But that doesn't seem to be the case here. He's worried about his job, not offering the WW much financial help, and she can't see herself leaving her kids to go be with him. If he starts getting heat from his command about WW, he'll properly dump her and go on elsewhere with his rat killing. WW will see that- and see what she was to him and begin to come out of the fog.

The marriage may be too far gone to save, but at least the fantasy of the OM would be removed from the equation.

In my case, exposing the affair to family and friends (especially WW's mother) ruined her plan of putting the affair deeper underground while demonizing me behind my back to coworkers and family. Her plan was to keep the affair secret, make me the bad guy, run me off, then have OM come riding in to her rescue much later as "the wonderful man I just met". By outting him and the affair to friends and family that made that plan unworkable. My mother in law was close enough to our family to see that I wasn't the bad guy- and was having a hard time believing the crap my WW was telling her. I caught it in time to set the record straight. I effectively removed her only "out". Yeah, she could still go to him at that point, but not with an intact reputation and not to get a big storybook dream wedding in a few years to the OM.

I didn't want to expose and have people know my business, but I didn't want to eat that even bigger shit sandwich of being made out to be the bad guy either.

My WW mother coming after her telling her WTF are you doing, and I raised you better than that, and having OM throw her under the bus was what began my WW coming out of the fog and taking a good hard look at what she had done.

Once again, I will state the obvious.

I have followed this thread since its beginning and I fail to understand its outcome. One key advantage of being anonimous and talking to complete strangers is that you can be brutally honest about your problems and get good advice from wise people with experience in the matter.

These are advices, not orders. I have paid attention to every single advice that I received here. I have agreed with most of them and disagreed when I felt necessary (usually, because they contrasted with my faith).

So, why the hell lie here ? It is utterly disrespectful to the people that are trying to help.

He probably did expose to military- but they haven't done anything (yet) and now his WW is probably reading here and he's trying to back out of the exposure angle because she's mad as hell threatening him and he's scared of what she might do. Just one possibility.

From his thread (actually 5 chapters) on another site, GW is still wallowing in his weakness and unfortunately being cheered on for it. What a huge waste of one's time and life. He may be coming around to what he was told here months back, but he won't likely do anything about it.Some folks just don't get it.

eta: He never exposed to the military because he thinks it's revenge, and his wife is still involved with the AP.

[This message edited by RubixCubed at 5:45 PM, December 17th (Sunday)]

Well thank goodness he isn't divorced, because that would be the worst thing ever!

His choice to live life as a cuckold. Strange.

I don't get it, but have nary a fuck to give for someone who lies to me and wastes my time.

edited to add: unless he comes clean, makes an apology, and takes advice that is. I have standards for R

[This message edited by antlered at 6:15 PM, December 17th (Sunday)]

SI posters offered as much insight and assistance as possible.

SI posters offered as much insight and assistance as possible.

You can lead a horse to water ...

edited to add: unless he comes clean, makes an apology, and takes advice that is.

Google his screen name and it shows a result for a profile on a dating site, listing his location as KY. I'm guessing it the same guy.

Well it atleast serves to illustrate that there are methods that work and methods that don’t work..

Different sites, different goals.

If the goal is to remain “married” (although I personally don’t consider it a marriage) and the worst possible outcome is divorce then it can be an option to accept the affair and wait it out.

Strangely that’s an option too many chose IMHO. The wife that ignores the husband’s mistress, the husband that turns a blind eye to the ongoing “tennis” lessons with Jorge…

MAYBE – just maybe – then in a couple of years they get over it and you can start having a good-enough marriage.

But for me – and probably most that hang out here on SI – it’s not the life we chose. It’s not the marriage we settle for.

Infidelity is a very cruel form of abusive behavior. By recommending a victim staying in an abuse cycle is delinquent at best and knowingly malicious at worst.

I agree sharkman

Accepting infidelty within a marriage is worst than the ihe infidelity itself. It's a sickening form of self hatred.

Holy crap. I found him on the other site. 12 pages there and it is all the same stuff. How do I stop this from happening to me? Even there people say "File for Divorce" and he isn't willing. You know we point people to threads where people do a good job. We should keep this one around to point people to when they won't take some basic steps.

It's still a trainwreck. This guy can't make the right decision if his life depended on it. It's a shame he didn't stick around here and do what he was advised.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2771435&page=1

Read his posts on the other site. Very painful to read but looks like that he has finally decided to file for divorce and will be fighting for the custody of his kids. Looks like keeping his children safe was motivation enough.

I strongly suggest that nobody read his threads. They will either trigger the triggerable or piss you off for watching a life slowly revolve around the drain before plopping in.

I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but is it any surprise it went that direction?

I'm not sure how he could ever expect her to have an ounce of respect for him considering she walked all over him like a door mat and he just took it and kept playing the pick me dance.

I could never stay with somebody I didn't respect and I could never respect somebody like that.

So many BS don't realize how truly unattractive weakness looks o the opposite sex. nothing turns off a partner more than a needy, whiny, clingy spouse.

Of course he's floundering. All evidence points to him having no integrity. Lying to everyone, his dating site profile,... without any internal consistency he's going to flail around through life.

Hi leftbroken

So many BS don't realize how truly unattractive weakness looks o the opposite sex. nothing turns off a partner more than a needy, whiny, clingy spouse.

Is there any way that we might convince you to come on early to all JFO threads and share that profound wisdom?

I am a truly loving, caring, compassionate man, but my ability to be the best that I can be at that, comes from a position of strength.