GW
Again I am totally on board with all you are doing. Your actions have been phenomenal.
If you'll let me I just wanted to take a quick side bar.
I tried to go back and find it in the thread, but I cannot see where you stated how she met the POS. How did it all begin? He is definitely a con man and has found some way to control women, almost, and I say almost, against their free will.
he's been married four times and is a serial cheater. His last wife was half his age and he had four partners simultaneously while with her.
He has done this already to four other women. I think you mention you found and talked to the most recent one. What was her take on him? Did she say how he lure her in? Did he take more than her faith in humanity? Steal money? Make her do things she didn't want to? How did she break free? Was it only because she found out he was cheating on her (with 4 others?!?!) ?
Now I know you loved your wife. And probably still love her old self. And I am in no way asking you to stop going after POSOM or stop kicking her to the curb and getting a divorce. There is no way I can see ever trusting her again.
The only thing I am asking is whether you think it's worth asking the ex wife you know, and finding the other three ex wives and have them help with some type of intervention with your WW. Somehow, in their words and voices, have them tell her who this guy is, what he did to them, and how it ended.
Not sure how you would set that up or if they would even be willing, but if I had someone in my past who did this to me I would want to make damn well sure they wouldn't do it to anyone else.
Perhaps they threw away good marriages for him as well. It may take a while to find out but WW is moving at a snails pace anyway so you have time.
I am not saying you owe this to your wife. You absolutely do not. In fact the only people I would say you owe this to is your kids. They deserve to have a mom that is not, essentially, insane. And anything you can do to affect that, for them, would be worth it.
And I am absolutely not saying if you somehow would be able to break the spell he has on her that she would be a candidate for R. Hell no, I deem that impossible at this point. From how you described it she really needs intense psychiatric care to find her way back to reality and probably won't be a safe wife to anyone in the future, if ever.
No what I am saying is that if there's a history of destruction from this guy and it can be used against him in her eyes, my opinion is it's worth the effort to try. Others may disagree with me and I expect that. But in my mind it's something I would try if it were me.
Again, keep on the path you are on, that's primary. Don't stop until you are legally no longer a part of her life (except for coparenting).
Do what I suggest only if it can be done in parallel.
Thanks for listening.
[This message edited by Stevesn at 8:28 AM, September 10th (Sunday)]