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Timeless,

Using exposure as a negotiation tactic while he's already exposed, unbeknownst to them, is damn genius.

Damnit. I wish I had thought of that. (/jealous)

Do you have your wife recorded telling you about the other mans threats against you? Did he threaten anything besides going after his texts? What about your wife? How hard is it to get an EPO against your wife and get her kicked out? Reality bites! She would be more pliable if she were kicked out. Record her saying she plans on moving to GA. That might help you in regards to primary custody and keeping the house. It also might make her dump the Posom but it would be hard to take her back as bad as she has treated you and your kids.

Good luck and prayers

I am going nowhere near the EPO game. That is a dangerous and slippery slope. Unless it is truly needed . Just to use it as a tool is wrong on so many levels. And she does not plan on moving to Georgia, she plans on staying in Ky for a few years and seeing how it goes. Makes no sense to me

Aww, they're getting ulcers. Poor babies.

Aww, they're getting ulcers. Poor babies.

You know what will help those ulcers along? Going silent. No more talk about what she is doing wrong, about how unfair she is being, about what a ___ he is or what this is doing to the family. Do a hard 180 and go silent. She has made her decision and so have you. Silence will make her question what you are up to. Focus on the kids and yourself.

Move onto step two - Bankruptcy then step three divorce... keep moving forward.

GW,

If you read ohforanewme's post, you'll see that he left the OM jobless, and his wife begging.

You're on the right track.

No clearance, no job!

Walmart greeter anyone?

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 7:33 AM, September 10th (Sunday)]

It's already abundantly clear that this tryst can't withstand stress test.

Stay in driver's seat with hard 180, stay focused.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 7:31 AM, September 10th (Sunday)]

GW

Again I am totally on board with all you are doing. Your actions have been phenomenal.

If you'll let me I just wanted to take a quick side bar.

I tried to go back and find it in the thread, but I cannot see where you stated how she met the POS. How did it all begin? He is definitely a con man and has found some way to control women, almost, and I say almost, against their free will.

he's been married four times and is a serial cheater. His last wife was half his age and he had four partners simultaneously while with her.

He has done this already to four other women. I think you mention you found and talked to the most recent one. What was her take on him? Did she say how he lure her in? Did he take more than her faith in humanity? Steal money? Make her do things she didn't want to? How did she break free? Was it only because she found out he was cheating on her (with 4 others?!?!) ?

Now I know you loved your wife. And probably still love her old self. And I am in no way asking you to stop going after POSOM or stop kicking her to the curb and getting a divorce. There is no way I can see ever trusting her again.

The only thing I am asking is whether you think it's worth asking the ex wife you know, and finding the other three ex wives and have them help with some type of intervention with your WW. Somehow, in their words and voices, have them tell her who this guy is, what he did to them, and how it ended.

Not sure how you would set that up or if they would even be willing, but if I had someone in my past who did this to me I would want to make damn well sure they wouldn't do it to anyone else.

Perhaps they threw away good marriages for him as well. It may take a while to find out but WW is moving at a snails pace anyway so you have time.

I am not saying you owe this to your wife. You absolutely do not. In fact the only people I would say you owe this to is your kids. They deserve to have a mom that is not, essentially, insane. And anything you can do to affect that, for them, would be worth it.

And I am absolutely not saying if you somehow would be able to break the spell he has on her that she would be a candidate for R. Hell no, I deem that impossible at this point. From how you described it she really needs intense psychiatric care to find her way back to reality and probably won't be a safe wife to anyone in the future, if ever.

No what I am saying is that if there's a history of destruction from this guy and it can be used against him in her eyes, my opinion is it's worth the effort to try. Others may disagree with me and I expect that. But in my mind it's something I would try if it were me.

Again, keep on the path you are on, that's primary. Don't stop until you are legally no longer a part of her life (except for coparenting).

Do what I suggest only if it can be done in parallel.

Thanks for listening.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 8:28 AM, September 10th (Sunday)]

I also wondered about how they ended up together.

I like Steve's suggestion a lot. Since you are an investigator, have you checked out his prsonal records.

I'm wondering if he has been doing this his whole career. Being in the Navy and maybe being transferred to different bases, he may find new women while being away from his current partner.

Does he have kids?

I'm liking what Timeless came up with. Seems that the next step would be to get her out of the house.

Can you afford to keep the house and child care, etc.? If you have been the only income, you'll only need to start exploring how you can achieve that.

How to get her out? It's ridiculous for her to expect you to furnish her free room and board while shes waits for her boyfriend that ain't show. Her lack of any remorse says she want out of the marriage, but at her convenience. Unless you go a legal route, (and I hope someone here could explain how that works, I have no experience with that) you will have to coerce, or find another option, the most obvious seems for her to move in with friends or family, if she has any. Tell her she has to go, you need to find a paying roommate and you need the room. Make a deal like Timeless suggested. Hoping some other people here can help with other options.

POSOM is indeed a punk player but, IMO, I wouldn't waste time and energy rounding up his ex whores.

You have enough on your plate.

Stay the 180, stay the course.

I'm not military, but it does seem you just stuck your foot so far up the OM's ass that it'll take three of us to help you pull it out. I hope you're wearing size 15 cowboy boots, complete with spurs,.... from a national security point of view,..of course!

Will her staying in the house during the Navy investigation be a plus or minus for GW?

If she's in the house, there's no separation in the Navy's view--which bolsters infidelity angle?

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 10:08 AM, September 10th (Sunday)]

Quick recap- she met this ass bag in high school and hadn't seen him since graduation. They were Facebook friends forever. I used to see her posts tonhim and they were all G rated family and friends type shit.

Fast forward to December 2016- we had some minor issues and she felt like I was ignoring her and didn't love her. So she got on one night and he happened to be there and bam she told him she was in happy and he master manipulated her.

As far as the exes, I showed her the info they sent, and she said they were all liars. No good there this was in early July

Super fast forward to today, the stress from yesterday and last night is eating her alive. I purposely played country music songs about losing the love of your life, cheating, and pain Noriega style. She got up, sat down, started bawling and went to bed claiming heart pain. I think she's at her breaking point.

A little too late , but she is beginning to actually show remorse, especially after telling the kids and me telling her she was an cheated on them as well. Told her how she manipulated her own child for her selfish needs. Told her how badly she had broken me, but that I was far stronger now than either of them. She knows he's fucked, he told her so and asked her to please beg me not to do it .... lol I told her if I do( lol) he had no escape- he can't forwarn the military without telling on himself and the outcome is still the same. She said so he has to worry everyday- yep, hope its eating him alive!!!!!

Well what does she expect? She made her decision, and you are NOT responsible for making sure she's comfortable, nor happy during her transition into bliss with OM. I'm stunned that she and OM just expected you would take all of this lying down.

OM needs to claim his prize!

Super fast forward to today, the stress from yesterday and last night is eating her alive. I purposely played country music songs about losing the love of your life, cheating, and pain Noriega style. She got up, sat down, started bawling and went to bed claiming heart pain. I think she's at her breaking point.

Let her break, don't soften any of it for her...she needs to suffer the consequences that she decided to bring on herself.

Gw

It's regret not remorse.

It's not remorse until she feels the pain she has inflicted on the kids and even more telling, the pain she has inflicted on you.

Did u get information from all 4 ex's? What did they say about him?

The exes all said he was controlling and mentally abusive. He would cheat on the wife at the time with the ex wives. Real fucking peach. Catch of the year

Now is the time to wield silence like a sledge hammer.

She's now her own worst enemy.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 12:09 PM, September 10th (Sunday)]