My H and I have always had a WONDERFUL marriage. We are seriously best friends and have been so happy to have each other.
Well, number one, you have not had a wonderful marriage at all, because you were cheating before it and after it. So please get real and own your part in devaluing something that could have been a monogamous pre-marriage relationship and honest - if not 'wonderful' - marriage.
Beyond that, the reason you cheated is because you did not see the man you married as sexy or an alpha male. You saw him as your 'friend'.
At any point in your relationship with your boss, who could have you whenever he snapped his fingers, did you see him as your 'friend'? I feel pretty sure in saying that you never did. And that made him sexy, and irresistible, and powerful. And you created that dynamic, by the way you framed your boyfriend, and the way you framed your boss.
Your boss was a cool and sexy guy whose favour people competed for. Your boyfriend and fiance was...your 'friend'.
Is it any wonder that your boss conquered you so effortlessly, repeatedly, because you framed him as a virile man who you were lucky to be with, while you framed your husband-to-be as your 'friend'? A 'nice' guy? 'Safe'. Dull.
I can tell you this as a 55 year-old man with several very good female friends: there are two words that signify that a woman has metaphorically castrated a man as a sexual being, and they are (1) "sweet", and (2) "friend".
If a woman says a man is 'sweet', it means she will never, ever, take him seriously as a sexual entity.
If a woman friend-zones a man, it means she likes him, but she has decided he is not going to be taken seriously as a lover.
You have described the man you dated and subsequently married as a 'friend', and you cheated on him with an alpha male who was not your 'friend' for one second.
Can you see why you have to stop thinking of your husband as a nice guy and a 'friend' and start thinking of him as every bit as much a sexual being as your boss?
Friendship is for friends; marriage is for lovers.
If you really take your former boyfriend, and now husband, seriously as a man, stop thinking of him as a 'friend'. He is your man, he is your lover, he is not a super-safe pussycat.
And the truth is this; the guy you betrayed is far more into you than your boss ever was. For your boss, you were just an easy lay. Your 'friend' saw you as more than that. Your 'friend' wanted to marry you.
Your 'friend' thought you were someone special. Your boss thought you were someone 'easy'.
So which of them was right?
If you marry a man you have mentally castrated, you will always be looking for an alpha male to come along and conquer you, so you really need to start re-thinking the way you view your husband.
Why was your boss better than him? Why could your boss have you whenever he wanted, both before and after your 'wonderful' marriage?
The answer is not anything to do with him and who he really is, but how you framed him in your mind as opposed to how you framed your boyfriend and later husband.
The bottom line is, you think your boss is a 'man', and your husband is a 'friend'.
I can tell you this: your husband is every bit as much of a man as your boss, but he does not treat women like crap. He could if he wanted to, but he doesn't.
Your husband could go off and find another woman very easily. One who does not have your history. A man who valued his reputation might make it a point to do that, but your betrayed husband is not doing that.
You might like to think about why that is.
And why you need to revise what you value in a man.
And more than that, stop thinking of the man who married you as your 'friend'. That is just insulting. The man who married you is so much more than that. And so much more than the married man you had sex with while your husband thought you were faithful.
Edited to add;
If you went somewhere, and someone looked at you and said "Who is this?", how would you feel if your husband said, "She's just a friend"?
[This message edited by M1965 at 10:37 PM, October 30th (Friday)]