SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

HardenmyHeart nailed it above. The Perel psychobabel articles only focus on motivation (#1 in his list),usually of WWs. Shirley Glass says in the Healing Library:

Q: What is the single most important thing you want people to know about infidelity?

Dr. G. Boundaries.

We all have our motivations, but it's boundaries that separate the sheep from the goats.

If the question is why are more women cheating now... my guess is that due to modern divorce law in the US (overall) the social and finacial cost of infidelity has made it less catastrophic for women to exit a marriage. historically women paid a catastrophic price for getting caught cheating.

This is certainly some of it, and also the reason that more women file for D than men today. The cost for an A or D is much lower for women than men. It's also far less work to get into an A for a woman (just make it known they are game, an A will find them quickly) than it is for most men. Finally, when an woman has an A, she'll typically have more "support" from society. It will be the man's fault for not "taking care of business". People will ask "what did he do that forced you to that", rather than "you are a POS" (which is what most men get when they are the ones having the A). Lower cost, more opportunity, more "social acceptance", equals more women choosing that option.

I think this is complete bullshit for the most part. I believe that most WW's cheat because they crave attention and their AP showers them with ego kibbles which they trade for sex. I have read hundreds of examples of WW's and this seems to be the most prominent theme for the most part. I am sure there may be a small minority of women who are not sexually fulfilled in their marriage and who may have a bigger sex drive than their husbands but I think this is a very small minority.

I 100% agree with you, but, I also wish more people would understand that "trade" going in. Women think they are trading sex for love in an A, and, in some cases, I'm sure they are. But most of the time, they are trading sex for words, words said by the AP that in most cases mean nothing. Sure, he said you were beautiful, because he knew that would get you naked. Does that mean he meant it, or was it compelled? That trade of sex for ego kibbles is a very poor one, one person really does get sex, the other person usually gets nothing but lies and subversion. It's also why men are much more prone to actually seek out an A, they get what they came for (sex) most of the time. The same cannot be said for women, unless you take insincere flattery as "what they came for".

Most of us seem to agree that:

Esther Perel is pro-adultery, an adultery apologist, dishonest, and a narcissist. People who believe her psychobabble are looking for an excuse to cheat.

No one in their right mind would cheat. People who have affairs have weak personal boundaries. They crave attention. Most have an emotional or mental deficiency. Most people who have affairs are narcissistic scumbags. The few who aren't narcissistic scumbags are regular scumbags.

Whether a majority of unfaithful spouses are narcissistic scumbags is not important.

Does that seem accurate?

Most people who have affairs are narcissistic scumbags. The few who aren't narcissistic scumbags are regular scumbags.

It's really hard not to see your WS in any other light after the rose-colored glasses come off. It's the ultimate mind-fuck, dealing with such cognitive dissonance. I once the Perel's talks were valid. Now, I can only see how she practically enables wayward behavior as a means to "waking up" the BS to the state of the M. It's so fucking ass-backwards. Seems in most cases, the whole "I'll destroy this ship in order to save it" never works. The M almost always eventually goes down after an A.

I think the gist is that in years past when a wife was the betrayer it was because they were preyed upon and couldn't do anything about it. That was a myth. Now, we accurately see that women are in charge of whether or not they decide to betray. I see is as accurately adding accountability.

From article:

What surprised me most about these conversations was not that my friends were cheating, but that many of them were so nonchalant in the way they described their extramarital adventures. There was deception but little secrecy or shame.

That's the part that saddens me the most. It's like there's no stigma in being unfaithful anymore.