SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For someone with "No idea how to proceed ", you are handling this like a champ.

You guys brought me to the light. That and my balls dropped back down out of my guts where she kicked them.

She does understand that there is no coming back from this, right?

Right now she doesn't care. All she cares about is him. I asked her to dump him to work on us and save the family and she said no emphatically. She is convinced he is the one. She said she disconnected from me even before him and we are done. Never to be repaired. Her main reason for not trying according to her was because i I got in her phone when I caught her. She makes no sense in all this. She's acting like he's her husband already

GW5263 --You have nothing to loose at this moment so stop playing nice she wants to post or hint in social media that you're the bad guy, well nuclear Holocaust on them both post the dirty story make sure is factual and use paint or photo - editor black out names & phone numbers then post screen shots of some of the text so their is no question to friends/ family who really destroyed the marriage. The kids sorry to tell you this ain't the 50's anymore they all ready know about the birds and the bees from school, other kids,internet and television. Don't protect her when telling the kids and let them know she rather go on make believe training than be with her own children. She did not just cheat on you she cheated on them and their future both financial an mental.

[This message edited by xZOOMx at 1:58 PM, September 8th (Friday)]

Three things I see coming.

1) She will lie and minimize to your kids. She will attempt to make this your fault, in their eyes. No point in getting in an argument in front of them, stay calm, she is the one that went outside the marriage. She is the one walking out. Even if they don't figure it out now, eventually they will.

2)The financial stuff will get ugly. Anytime you get lawyers involved, there will be problems, it's the nature of the beast. Sometimes you'll need to fight, sometimes you'll decide it isn't worth it.

3) Your WW will probably be in for a rude awakening, as the OM may get cold feet, have second thoughts, or she realizes what she had is better than the chance she's taking.

Fantasy rarely resembles reality when it actually happens.

Her main reason for not trying according to her was because i I got in her phone when I caught her.

Yep, it's your fault she got caught screwing around. That's called "affair rationalization", or as we like to call it, bullshit.

Stay strong brother!

You're doing fine.

Stay the course.

You're putting all the ducks in a row:

--the attorney

--the military

--IRS

--the kids

--bankruptcy/house protection option.

Tragically, her fantasy relationship will prove to be just that--a fantasy.

Navy boy is yet to experience the wrath of the military, and when he does....

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 2:19 PM, September 8th (Friday)]

Tragically for her she can't afford a lawyer.... lol and he won't pay for it even though he offered to pay the filing fee for her. Very gracious! He is terrified right now. She told me as much. She told me last night if I turned him in she would

1. Hate me for ever- big deal, she does now. Childish. She says I have no right to ruin his life. I say I do because he destroyed my family.

And

2. He would turn me in for stealing his texts.... lol

Told her that was bullshit because they we re sent to a phone I own and became mine as soon as they hit the inbox.

She is now begging me not to do it. Too late sugar.

And now she has to tell her kids what she has done. If not I will. I will be sitting right there with them. She will most likely breakdown with tears and leave or threaten. I'll be recording.

Good to be driving this car for once during all this.

Just a thought here...make sure she is prohibited from bringing the kids out of state and creating more serious custody issues. She is likely to do something desperate as the relationship with OM disintegrates. VAR is absolutely a must.

Do not lie to your kids! Do not sugar coat it. Let them know who the other man is and how he broke up your family.

Do not worry about how someone feels that has their hand on the knife that is sticking out of your back.

My only suggestion is to let her know you have already turned him into the Navy. As a matter of fact I would do it when the two of you tell the kids. Pressure is no good if you don't apply it..

As a fellow Kentickian and once burned, I promise you burning his bridges will never be one of your regrets.

Good luck and prayers for you and your kids.

Good to be driving this car for once during all this.

Yeah baby!!!!

If she ever mentions anything about the texts do not say ANYTHING but "I understand your concern in this area, my legal counsel has said he would be enthusiastic to discuss this issue with you. His number is xxx-xxx-xxxx"

It's also time for a follow-up call to the military. If he has been saying angry things then say that "he has been using threatening language and I just want to be out of this situation. "

GW,

Fantastic job with this so far! You are doing great. I would inform your STBXW shortly after the discussion with your kids that you have already turned in a packet to his commanding officers and that she may not be hearing from him again once he gets called to the carpet for this. I say this would be the best case of "nuclear" I could think of.

She will already be reeling from the discussion with your kids, and now she will have to deal with this as well. Shortly after telling her, I would unleash a Facebook post like no other, tagging everyone involved and who knows the both of you. This is the best case scenario I can think of for the "knock out blow". Be prepared to have that VAR handy as you will probably see a side of your WW you have never seen before. However, one of two things will happen: 1- she will leave immediately (win), or 2- you will see the fog lifted quicker than you could possibly imagine (win).

Remember, the best way to end an affair is to bring it out of the darkness. This would be like a slingshot into the light! I think it is perfect timing for it. No more Mr. Nice guy time!

Nervous and worried for my children. Hope I'm doing the right thing by them tonight. They deserve to know that dad wasn't at fault and they did nothing wrong

I really hope this bitch thinks it's all worth it. Putting three people they thisbhell for selfish needs and some strange.

GW, I've been following your thread, and just wanted to tell you that I think you've handled this whole situation very well, considering. Hang in there and stay focused and strong. Do not cut the POSOM any slack. Let's see if the OM throws her under the bus when the shit hits the fan.

Thanks, I'm ok when it's me and her head to head but this time they are involved. They did nothing wrong and were cheated on just as I was

They are old enough to know the truth and they probably already know or suspect something is going on.

Our marriage counselor told us that it was better that the kids know everything. Secrets leave so much open to their imagination that they start to think they are somehow at fault for whatever is happening. Mine were 13 and 18. They were there when WH broke the news to me over the phone. There was no hiding any of it from them, they watched me disolve before their very eyes. I just kept reassuring them that it had nothing to do with them, that it was their father's issues that lead to his current state and that I would do everything in my power to keep them safe.

Your kids are old enough and have seen enough tv and movies to understand what an affair is. They probably will have questions, but may not ask them. Give them the opportunity and answer truthfully. It doesn't have to be in you SBXW's presence.

You've got this.

So now Sailor Sam is scared shitless that you'll turn him in?

What a joke.

Don't discuss with your wife ANYTHING regarding your contact/discussions with the Navy, even after the shit hits the fan.

Keep them on edge, then sit back and watch.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 7:48 PM, September 8th (Friday)]

You are doing really well.

- Detach from her

- Yes, tell your children, they need to learn the truth

- She is heartless and deserves everything you throw at her

- Continue to pursue the OM

- Expose her to everyone, friends, family, work etc

Stay strong and follow the good advice you are receiving.

Double post.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 8:58 PM, September 8th (Friday)]