SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Not sure if anyone is still reading this thread but just in case. We now have confirmation that the OC is my husbands and in IC today I was talking about this.

I don't want to put my husband in a position where he chooses between our M and the OC but I don't want to tolerate the AP in my life. For those who have the OC in your partners or families life how do you navigate the contact with the AP?

Oh Poppy.

I’m so sorry to hear your news. I was hoping the OC wasn’t your husband’s. When did you get confirmation? What is your husband planning to do - how could he help you? Do you think the OW is still a threat? Do you have any indication how much the OW would be involved with your husband? How much of a part of the child’s life does he want to be?

Again, this is devastating news for you. It’s amazing how much hurt cheating causes.

Sending good thoughts and hugs.

We just found out last week.

The OW I don't feel is a threat but I don't trust her. She has never respected NC and she has history or chasing and bei g very persistent. She is also incredibly unpredictable and overly dramatic. So I have no desire to have her in my life.

My WH doesn't know what to do, he is sorting out the financial side with NC still while he figures out what he wants. He loves being a Dad and is very present with our son, he hates that it's impossible for him to be the Dad he wants to be now there is a child that exista that he didn't want. So I imagine he will want to spend time with her. She is only 6 months old so I assume it would mean the OW would be there.

My therapist asked if I thought I could tolerate the OW being in my life. My response was I can but I don't want to and I can't see how that would change. But by not giving him a terrible ultimatum and making him choose essentially I have to.

Poppy,

Your previous description of the OW sounds like she’s something of a loose canon. Since the OC is so young right now would it be possible for your husband not to interact with the child until she is a bit older? That’s if he wants to be part of her life. Perhaps you could have someone else intervene to pick up the child to do exchanges so that you would have minimal contact with the OW once the child is older? I know you have a child of your own right now that you need to think of so it’s not as easy as walking away from the situation. Would it be possible to get a post nuptial agreement stating that you will try for a while and if it doesn’t work out, you would get extra child support for your little one? I mention that because I’ve read that whoever requests child support first gets the most. You would have to, of course, check with your lawyer on all of these requirements.

I’m so sorry your husband has put you in such an awful position. You and your child and the other child are all innocents in this.

Thanks Beachgirl these are really helpful thoughts. A post nup is a great idea.

I really appreciate your comments!

You need to see a lawyer to protect yourself.

You need a Will and it needs to be executed immediately. See if your H dies w/out a Will the OC is an heir (pursuant to state law).

That means the estate is divided between the children and spouse (as an example).

Also Your child would only receive 1/2 of social security benefits (the law) upon the death of your H b/c the OC gets the other half. This has nothing to do with a Will but just pointing it out.

So already the OC is legally entitled to assets. You now need to protect yourself. You can put wording in the Will to protect yourself by only giving a certain % distribution to the OC to avoid a court battle. Leaving a small amount of something coukd protect you.

Also look into a trust to protect assets for your child.

I am sorry you are in this position. I hope you sort this out and I do feel bad for you and your family and the new baby. All innocent people in this nightmare.

Hi,
Is anyone by chance still reading this thread? I have went through all 15 pages seeking for peace with my situation but ultimately think I just need to talk to someone who has dealt with what I’m currently going through.

Embrace,

Yes is this a WW OC or a WH OC?

I was a WW OC myself

Survus,

A WH OC.

A little background, my H and I have been together for 16 years (not legally married) and share 3 children together, 2 teenagers and 1 school-aged. In 2021/22 we were having a lot of issues and talked about separating many times but never went through it.
Fast forward to the end of May he tells me he has a 1 year old son that he just found out about. During the time of our relationship problems he ended up confiding in another woman who knows me and knows we were in a relationship, she ended up pregnant. When they talked about it she agreed on an abortion because he told her he was not going to leave me and our kids, they never talked again until she reached out to him in April stating she never got it done and that the baby was now 1 years old. Over the last 2 years we have focused on rebuilding our relationship and we were at a very happy/healthy spot but when this all came out everything crashed.
I’m still unsure of R, we are going day-by-day….. I know this little boy is not at fault and he will have a relationship with his father, they have agreed on every other weekend. How do we explain this to people when we are out and about?
I’m sick to my stomach every time I have to think about what we are going to tell people.

EmbracetheHard i am so sorry for what you are going through.

I am in a similar position eith the OC being close to 18 months. We haven't yet made contact as we are trying to navigate everything. I am plagued by similar questions and don't have answers but it is easier to think about than before.

Families can be messy and you don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to. Take your time to come to terms with this. The child is not at fault but neither are you and you have no responsibility to the child. You can step back whenever you need.

Yes, I am still following this thread. I am the BH of a WW who had the affair partner's child and raised the child, wonderful boy as my.own son. I was not aware of the.paternity fraud until.much, much.later. We are in process of reconciliation, sometimes it's very hard.