SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Friend, why are you even contemplating allowing your wife’s AP to come to dinner? That seems like a horrible idea to me. What are your reasons for this?

It's a way to collect data, more data is better data. Body language smiles glances

Listening to the lies, omissions and minimizations can make for a good laugh, as I found out speaking to OM1.

Easier to record the conversation on his own turf and then turn it over to the other spouse

He can manipulate OM to run OMW down in the conversation or even confess to other indiscretions playing good cop.

Being cordial in the present does not equal long term forgiveness.

[This message edited by survrus at 5:35 PM, Wednesday, October 21st]

Can I just say - I'm a hard analytical type. It's a gift and a curse. I understand all too well the desire to infogather.
As a result, I found myself for MONTHS looking for 'more evidence'. Justification. Clarification. What caused X, how could I have adapted to it?

Don't bother.
It's wasted cycles. It causes more grief, pain, and spiraling. You don't need that triumphant moment you imagine at dinner.
You don't need clarity on this. You can't trust two liars anyways. You already have the extent of the story you need to safely move on.

You know the important bit.
An affair happened.
Their reasoning for it is irrelevant.
They harmed you. Their continued rubbing your nose in it will continue to harm you.

Put down the desire for more info, introspection, data, and instead pick up peace and purpose.
Move forward on your own terms. Stop letting them have any impact on you at all.
(I'm still working on this part).

I have to be honest here... inviting the AP to dinner sounds like the plot of a bad porno set up.

Sounds like a bad idea for real life.