SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

((((Kt216)))) All of us here have different opinions which is why many say, take what you need and leave the rest.

Your husband is behaving selfishly and cruel, no other way to look at it. To threaten you with going back to his AP if you don't have sex with him is totally abusive. Not only have you had to deal with the devastation of infidelity, you are pregnant with his child. He should be doing everything possible to help you feel safe and appreciated.

Please read in the healing library here. Also, there are books that can make an impact if your husband is willing to not only read them but open his mind. "How to help your Spouse heal from an affair" is excellent and already recommended. "Not just Friends" is another book although it can be a bit painful to read. I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I know you are going through so many emotions right now, rightfully so. Add a pregnancy and I know it creates even a larger impact on your emotions. I agree with Sisoon, keep SI a safe place for you right now. Also, it is so important to stay hydrated, often we are in shock when we learn about an affair. Lots of water. Nutrition is also important, not only for yourself but the wonderful child you are carrying. It was so hard for me just to eat. I learned small meals or ever one egg or a piece of fruit or one vegetable. If you cannot eat, do food replacement shakes/drinks, anything to get nutrients. I also suggest as have others to read the 180. Some people need a huge wake up call, the fact that your husband would even suggest if you won't have sex he would consider his AP. This is absolute abuse.

You did nothing to cause your husband to cheat. He made that choice because he lacks something huge in himself and will need to figure that out. I encourage you to find a therapist to talk to immediately. You need to search for someone who deals with infidelity. I wish you all the best. I know the pain, it is immeasurable. Take care of yourself. Read on this site and breathe. Another huge hug to you!

However, he has told me that the lack of sex is wearing on him so much that he has been feeling tempted to unblock her and message her again.

This is as cruel and as unremorseful as anything any WS has every been quoted as saying.

I whole-heartedly agree with DIFM. I've read some pretty horrible things here on SI and I'd say this certainly makes the top 10 for me. This is a level of manipulation that infuriates me on levels that are hard to comprehend. You have my deepest sympathies. It's easy for me to say this, of course, because I'm not in your shoes, but had my WW ever said anything like this, I'd have packed a bag for her and thrown her out on her ass.

Your H may not realize the extent of the damage done to your marriage. Are you in IC? Is your WH in IC. I fear he will only cheat again if he doesn’t dig deep to figure out why he cheated.

What is your Love language? IMAO he should be doing whatever it takes to heal the relationship. To many intittled cheaters put it on the betrayed spouse. You were in the same relationship you did not cheat.

Hi @Kt216 I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this in your marriage especially at such a precious time in your life.

It is sad that your H is not able to see and understand how much hurt he has caused you by his infidelity and the fact that it takes time and commitment for trust that has been broken to be rebuilt. I know you said he has been remorse but do you trust that he really is being sincere and ready to work hard at your marriage? On of the things that helped me when I was reconciling with my H was when I saw how he was committed to changing and being the best version of himself, this really helped our intimacy.

We also had many sessions of marriage counseling and IC to address the root cause of the infidelity, which was really beneficial for us and this might be something you might want to consider.

I really do hope your H realizes the error of his actions and words and with time you can begin to heal fully. Stay strong!