SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Spaceghosted!

Spaceghosted!

... AGAIN!!!

Like superduperwonderboy spaceghost appears when he wants, dispenses wisdom, and then disappears. Perhaps to the batcave. Lol

Hi everyone I am going to do an update but I have to wait until I get moved into a new place. I am moving now and my internet will not be hooked up until Monday!

I don’t want to type it out on a phone. That is too much work! All I can say now is I wish she had never done it. It changed both of our lives and not in a good way. The only person who regrets it more than me is her.

Now the home we owned is no longer ours. We were happy and she did the one thing to end it all. The strange thing is except for this I am a forgiving person. So I will try to update on Monday evening.

The selling of our house though was very traumatic. More in a few days have a great weekend!

We all understand, post when you can. We are just all curious how things are going.

Good Luck with your move, SG !

A question I had in my mind was why did not you sue the business owning POS for harassment and abuse of authority

Hi SG,

I read your entire story at the counsel of Sharkman and I have to say it was eye-opening and very moving. My wife's own affair being just over 1 month ago, I've made many mistakes and pitfalls due to my emotions and I wished I'd handled it with your poise from the very beginning. It's good to hear you have moved on and are happy. Your story has motivated me to stay strong and to follow up with my divorce in full-force. Like you, I had a very attractive CS and am good looking myself, so it blew my mind how she could "slum down." I've since put that out of my mind the best I can and am just focusing on moving forward with my life. I look forward to your update

SG Update ??

[This message edited by RubixCubed at 1:20 PM, November 12th (Sunday)]

Lol... I love the Space Ghost gif

Here comes my update

I hope you have pizza too, SG!

Sorry work and I have been so busy. Here is my update:

This will probably be long since it is kind of therapeutic to write this out. Just thought I would take the time to do a little bit of an update on my life. Wow it has been almost 3 years. It is hard to believe it has been that long. I wish I could tell everybody that my life is great but that would be a lie. Her affair has done so much damage to both of us it just blows my mind what happened to our lives.

I decided to leave and move and that is what I did. She ended up for my peace of mind taking a polygraph to prove what she was saying was true and she passed. So, I got a lot of closure from that. She wanted a chance in the future to get back together so that is why she went along with it.

The worst part of all of this is what it did to our family. Everything we had built was destroyed and blown apart. She of course got half of everything which cut into my net worth. We had to sell our home where we had so many memories. All our family times were now gone. When we sold it and moved our stuff out it hit her very hard. In a stroke of good luck, she was staying with her parents and they knew she was struggling. She had gotten a bunch of pills and was going to end her life. Her parents were supposed to be going out of town but decided not to. My XW had written letters to our son and daughter as well as a letter to me. She had taken some of the pills and when her parents came home they found her crying so hard it frightened them. And they took her to the hospital for treatment.

She is the mother of my children and I had loved her very much. It was at this point that I had to make peace with her for both of our sakes. As angry as I was for her cheating I wanted her to get healthy for our kids. They were also hard on her after our split and this weighed heavy on her. It was a wakeup call for me too. Her parents read me the letter my XW left for me when I came back to see her, and I had never cried so hard. The regret and shame she felt made her life in her mind too hard to live. It made me realize that I need to forgive her and get rid of my anger. And so that is what I tried to do, and I feel much better after letting it all go. My XW has gotten much better and she is just over 14 months since she hit her low point.

I guess I just don’t trust women anymore. I just don’t see why it has to be marriage to be together. I no longer want to put my assets at risk that I have worked hard to get. I was very poor when I was young, and I don’t see the point of a risking it ever again. I would worry that a prenuptial agreement would be broken. After all marriage did not stop the cheating and cost me a lot of money…. Never again. But I am Ok with that kind of life now but it has been an adjustment. I was happy in my marriage, so this new life is taking some time for me to be comfortable.

My XW had a long talk about her affair. She told me everything and I got everything answered. She can’t believe she did it. Said the OM had hit on her for 2 years and then the kids went to college, so she started to feel old. When I traveled for work he offered to take her to a nice expensive resort as friends… And of course, it went to him buying her gifts and taking her out to expensive restaurants. She was not attracted to him but liked the idea of being romanced and taken to expensive places and getting nice things. She said the sex was not good, but it was just part of what she felt she owed him after all the money he spent on Spa’s and restaurants and gifts. When I came home and found her washed sexy underwear she was worried. When I saw her with her downstairs shaved I knew she had not done that for me. That was the beginning of the end of it all. So, she threw it all away for a person she did not even like all that much. I just don’t understand it and I never will.

I am usually an easy-going guy and don’t hold a grudge, but this was different. When it happened, I wanted to hurt her (not physically), so I did the one thing that I knew would hurt her the most, disappear from her life and not talk to her. The thing is if my wife would have fallen in love with another guy and had developed feelings I could understand how that could happen. If she would have had an EA I would have been more understanding and tried to work through it. But a physical affair is a deal breaker since there is no way in hell she should have another man’s penis in her hand, mouth, vagina or anywhere else. It is no longer a mistake when that happens, and we had discussed this before. So that is how my marriage ended.

My XW is now down in Florida living there. She came down to get away from where we use to live because she felt like everybody knows and is judging her. And she wanted to be close to me to see if my heart would soften. I have moved again out of Florida not to get away from her but because my job ended down in Florida and I had a hard time finding one down there. So, I still talk to her and my anger is gone but as I have said there is no way I am marrying again so I am not sure what else to say to her. She is doing much better and I want her to be there for our kids.

You know the worst thing about all of this is how I looked at her after I found out. I didn’t want to be looking at her wondering if she was thinking about going to those nice resorts having sex with the OM. I always thought I would rather have her thinking about why she let the guy who loved her go for a POSOM. One thing that helped me even the score was I started dating other women and just having fun. After a while I felt like I had evened the score and I no longer felt as bad as I had when I found out.

I dated quite a few women at first. Most of them were divorced and knew I was divorced but it didn’t work out that great in a lot of cases. A lot of women at some point want commitment and I really am unable to do that. I was always upfront that I was not looking for marriage and just wanted to have some fun since my divorce. The women would say they wanted the same thing but then after a couple of months they would want more of a commitment. I dated one person that I liked very much but we had to end it because she wanted a future and I was honest and said I have no intention of marrying again no matter what.So that is what has been happening to me.

I am very hopeful for the future although I am not sure what it will be. All I know is infidelity sucks and it is the most pain I have ever had in my life. It is hard to come out whole after such a disaster, but I hope that I will heal completely someday. I would like to have a good relationship again but as I stated I will not marry again. A little long but that is my story.

I don’t know if I did anything the right way or not, but I did the best I could. Having my wife sleep with another guy was something I knew would end my marriage. I know I will never have a wife do this to me again since I just won’t marry again. The prospect of never having to worry about it happening again makes me both happy and sad. Like I said we were happy in our marriage until she cheated.

If you are still reading…. Later…. Space Ghost.

[This message edited by SpaceGhost0007 at 10:40 PM, November 14th (Tuesday)]

Any idea what happened, if anything, to the AP?

Thank you for sharing, it is sad. Lives so destroyed for nothing but ego kibbles.

Thank you! Your strength and conviction still holds strong. Wishing you inner peace.

Many similarities to my situation.

My XW having sex with another man was well-beyond the point of no return for me but mine had the added bonus of deluding herself that it was the greatest love-of-legends - until she got my divorce filing.

I'll give your XW this, she at least faces the reality of what she has done, even though it has taken a hard toll on her - my XW, to this day, is still remorselessly rewriting history to suit the blame narrative.

She's utterly fucking hopeless when it comes to that - far away to weak to accept the actual reality about herself and what she has done.

My post divorce dating life sounds almost exactly as yours.

Have dated some wonderful women but I will not ever legally and financially bind myself to another woman again - I have young kids still and there's too much to risk.

I hope you consider staying in touch here and using your experience to help others that are going through what we went through.

Being decisive, as you have been, is so important to stress to those who are in the shell-shock stage of just finding out their lives and children's foundation have been turned upside-down.

Either way, thanks for sharing your story.

Cheers, Spaceghost.

Thanks for the update SG. It is much appreciated.

My DDay was Dec'14 and I found SI three months later. At that time I followed all your posts.

I admired your strength & resolution.

My road was different to yours because I only found out 30 years afterwards about her 4x AP's spanning 6 years.

In between, we had 3 boys and spent a life time growing up with them and growing old together.

While it would be very difficult for me to follow your example so many years after the fact, your story has inspired me to make the most of what we have left.

It made me realize that I need to forgive her and get rid of my anger.

Thank you SG.

SG, your post makes me both happy and sad for you. ..

Sad that it happened ... and for such a worthless AP (strikes a chord with me as my WH cheated with escorts )

Sad that you're now so wary of marriage -even though I entirely understand why

but

Happy that you have found yourself able to forgive and release your anger ....that's very healing and freeing. You don't realise how much it weighs you down until you do this.

Happy that you and your kids are able to have contact with your ex-wife.

Happy that you're making a new life for yourself even if it didn't happen by choice.

Sending you peace and all good wishes.