SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Will i ever feel like i made the right decision? like actually really confident in myself? right now I just keep thinking maybe he is changing.

I think you will but it won't be for a while yet. Once you have moved on, become immersed in your new work, new place to live, meet new people etc - you will see that you would have been settling for less than you deserve and be glad you moved on. This is a vulnerable time as being alone in a new city is tough, I went through it last year so I do know how tough.

Right now you are still in the early days of discovery and breaking up. Its completely natural to have doubts, miss them etc. What I would caution against is telling yourself stories i.e like "He is changing" there is no evidence that he has changed, in fact the evidence is to the contrary in blaming your councilors advice etc. You have no rational basis for thinking he has changed - thats just the hopium talking.

i was wondering if you have opinions on the right time it is to start dating. ive heard mixed answers, saying you dont have to be fully healed to start.

i just think ok, one of my goals in life is to have a family. i should maybe start trying to find the one sooner then later?

This might be a bit of a 2x4 and I mean this as kindly as possible but I really think you need to evaluate this intense desire to rush to have a family. I understand that its your goal but its driving you to make very poor choices. For a while you wanted your ex back, despite knowing he is an immoral man, despite knowing you didn't want to marry him, because he was the ticket to having a family. You now want to make the same mistake by rushing in to find anyone who might be a viable father. Bringing children into the world is a massive responsibility. Its not to be done lightly or without serious thought and you should be bringing them into a stable and loving home (as best you can anyway).

Its also the case that life can be unfair and whilst I of course hope that you can have the family you want, what if it were not to happen? You need to find yourself first, and find value in your life beyond a desire to be a mum and wife.

You are still young and have plenty of time, experience your own life before trying to create new lives.

Will i ever feel like i made the right decision? like actually really confident in myself?

You'll get there when your heart catches up with your head. Your head KNOWS, but your heart is still struggling.

NC and give it time.

right now I just keep thinking maybe he is changing. did any of you feel this way?? where you struggled with knowing you made the right decision?

He isn't changing. He hasn't changed. He may not ever. And whether or not he does isn't your problem anymore. And I just want to point out - at the very beginning of this thread you opened it up by saying you didn't want to marry him anyways... Point being - questioning your decisions is really normal. But just keep reminding yourself what you are letting go of - a cheating, lying, manipulative, narcissistic man-baby who was not worth your time. By getting rid of that, you are freeing yourself to heal and to move on to someone who IS.

ive been doing a lot of inner work and thnking.

i was wondering if you have opinions on the right time it is to start dating. ive heard mixed answers, saying you dont have to be fully healed to start.

Nope nope NOOOOOOOPE. Dating for you right now would be a horrible idea IMHO. You are still reeling from this, you are still trying to really break free from him (which is perfectly normal and okay!) so the chances of you finding someone as bad or worse than your wxbf is really high. And - whatever baggage you're carrying that you haven't dealt with will just spill over onto a new relationship. And why would you want to risk that?

Just a theory I have, but quality people - the kind of people you want to build a life with - don't want to mess around with someone who's still a mess from a previous relationship. People who are willing to? Are definitely NOT the kind of people you want to spend your precious time on.

i just think ok, one of my goals in life is to have a family. i should maybe start trying to find the one sooner then later?

You're 29 and I know you don't feel this way, but that is SO young. You have plenty of time. Meet new people. Make new friends. Explore new hobbies. Work on you. Have fun. When the time is right, everything will fall into place.

JAMBOMO and ELLIIEKMAS

thank you so much for the words of wisdom. I feel like you have a way of reeling me back in and making me understand how i am feeling.

I am going to just keep on moving forward. one day at a time.

fully emerge myself in this travel life for a bit.

thank you!