SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Did WW follow thru with OM2? Did you ever confront her about that?

@gr8ful et al

Yes, though somewhat reluctant to post details as this second round has brought mental illness into focus.

In the meantime, it seems my atty has been injured and is unavailable.

Anxiety is high, but I'll manage...

Constructing contingencies for contingencies at this point.

There are a lot of divorce attorneys - it’s a booming business. Most of them know what they are doing. Don’t let this slight thing derail you.

I don't have a definitive answer re: when my atty will return, and I'm somewhat reluctant to start burning the retainer with her staff.

Working on an alternate.

The issue for me is that the atty I selected truly stood out relative to others re: experience and confidence proceeding vs. b-cluster PDs.

That said, it looks like we may be beyond PDs at this point.

Did you inform the OBS?

My atty suggested that I file for D and simultaneously file a Motion for a Guardian ad Litem with a psych evaluation for my wife.

A forensic accountant was also proposed, to find messages, analyze bank accounts, find anything that has been deleted on the computer, etc. Any idea what this might cost (high/low)?

I understand that there are no clear outcomes with a GAD, but reading up now to best understand the pros/cons.

FWIW, I'm increasingly convinced that my W is both BPD and in a manic or near-manic state.

re: OBS... AP #1 is 100% out of the picture, and this is most likely related to WW's motivation to find AP #2. At some point, I may yet communicate with AP #1's W.

I have no way to identify AP #2 or his W, and not sure I have the energy or inclination to go full detective. As often noted here, once you have enough evidence, do you really need more? No need for pain shopping. That said, if I get the sense that she's en route to a rendez vous, I might try to get license plate digits, or more.

Truly sorry this happening to you AboveAverage. Great work staying strong and soldiering on with the attorney challenges. Has your attorney indicated when they might be back in action?

You do realize what a GAD is and does?

It’s not as if you can request that YOU become the GAD – but rather that the court appoints a qualified person (usually a trained therapist or attorney) who then takes on the legal responsibility of the children and evaluates their best interest for custody.

The GAD will NOT focus only on the issues YOU point out. The GAD looks at EVERYTHING – both in your dark corners and your wife’s. He will look both at your WW ability to parent AND yours. Frankly I think very few people can come out of that microscopic interrogation with a full score.

Basically you are inviting CPS to manage your future custody and parenting.

You mention that you interviewed a dozen attorneys. Something makes me fear you stopped interviewing when you found the one that told you what you wanted to hear, rather than maybe think that the comparable speel the other eleven gave might be the real scenario…

@gr8ful - atty is communicating via email, may not be back to 100% for another week / TBD.

@forever dad - I understand what a GAL is, thanks for words of caution. re: atty interviews - my selected atty spent nearly 3 hours with me and outlined possible scenarios and strategies for alimony/child support - before I paid a fee or a retainer.

significantly more attentive than the fast talkers / chop shop types who tried to close me as a client in < 30 minutes, without much listening or questioning...

I do take your point - while my atty claims to have experience in managing opposing sides with PDs, I don't have much in the way of independent validation of this experience, or outcomes.

Not easy to get references for this type of case.

I am somewhat apprehensive of the GAL, as my WW is high functioning and to outside observers does a great job as an engaged parent.

Nonetheless, she has suffered some type of mental break this year which has exposed her BPD and contributed to her current extra marital activities, first with the father of our youngest daughter's classmate and friend, and then with a rando from a website I hesitate to name.

I am fairly certain that drama will increase as the D process commences, and I'm preparing to counter false allegations and speculative statements with facts.

The no win scenario is:

Prove she's unfit, and pay more alimony, gain more parenting time, pay less child support.

or.

Get her back to work, pay less alimony, hope for 50% custody.

Anything new AboveAverage?

Thanks for checking in Thumos.

We know that many / most WSs have narcissistic traits, but as I've pulled on that thread to try to make sense of my WW's behavior so much has come into focus - red flags that I could and should have seen earlier.

I'm not taking responsibility for her poor choices, however I better understand that she didn't truly change. Rather, underlying aspects of her personality, identity, psyche came to the fore. Attributes that I naively ignored, or hoped would heal with time and maturity.

It's a costly lesson.

I am working with my IC to better understand how I allowed myself to get into this situation. Codependency, etc.

I've found "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist" by Mirza to be, sadly, spot-on re: my WW. Likely co-morbidity with other B-Cluster PD attributes. No good news here.

Adding insult to injury, ~ 6 months in, my WW has processed the demise of her affair as a personal rejection (classic narc injury) from her AP. It's like I'm some bystander in the whole thing.

At the moment, I am doing what I can to get my family through the holiday without triggering a traumatic event for the kids.

You can imagine what new year resolutions might look like over here... Thanks to you and others here for support these past months. I'm here if there is ever anything I can do to the return the favor.

Wishing the best for you and your family in the new year.

PS, I will likely update my UID at some point, but I will continue to be here.

AA, how did the filings go? Or have you not done them yet?

@nekonamida - not yet. I want to spare my kids and get through the holidays.