SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

True. Alien abduction would take forever to prove to the life insurance. Nevermind. How about replacing him with an alien who worships you? That could be fun.

How about replacing him with an alien who worships you? That could be fun.

Only if hes good at back rubs.

I like back rubs.

I have a long day ahead if me. Part of me is looking forward to getting out. The other part dreads well being out amongst people and im just praying the roads are decent.

Wh was all talk this morning. Its like dude i haven't had my coffee yet, shut up!

Dragn
I'll answer your question... There is at least one other wayward out there who is clueless!

I don't remember how long ago, between 8-12 months after d-day I think, after WW chose to pursue to a travelling job instead of amending for her cheating, so I'm hurt on many fronts...

At this job she had a partner Jen who she liked and got along with, but then abruptly things changed and WW got assigned a new partner Betty. WW and Jen were both disappointed, and Jen called Betty "the other woman" ie, as in blaming her for breaking them up. And they laughed.

So WW returns home and for some reason thinks I'll really get a kick out of hearing this story and tells me about how Betty came in and how Jen started calling Betty "the other woman." So WW is amused by the story and I'm sitting her with a WTF look on my face, like using that kind of imagery to a husband she cheated on?

So yes totally clueless, totally out of touch, totally living in la-la-land. Yours is definitely NOT the only one!!!

I'll finish by sharing one of my favorite quotes from this thread:

"Fuck!"
-DragnHeart

I made it a rule long ago that wh and i never talk about A related stuff when the kids are around. Dd for sure is old enough to understand.

So when wh asked me about the farm question. Mentioned earlier in this thread, i told him we would talk later.

Then i fell asleep. Very rare and odd for me to do that.

Anyways i always felt better sending him an email to get stuff off my chest without coming across angry.

So i emailed him. Simply said NO more talking about her to me. Like ever. I explained i didnt care if she is a lesbian, he has done the bare minimum to regain trust and i dont care to hear any of it.

He actually replied:

"I get it. Im sorry".

I dont care what he does as long as he doesnt shove it in my face.

3yrsout, I said "alien abduction" because I'm really superstitious and didn't want to say something that has a reasonable possibility of happening. Sorry to disappoint!

DragnHeart:

So i emailed him. Simply said NO more talking about her to me. Like ever. I explained i didnt care if she is a lesbian, he has done the bare minimum to regain trust and i dont care to hear any of it.

He actually replied:

"I get it. Im sorry".

I think emailing him was a good strategy because he couldn't interrupt or talk over you; he actually had to sit with your statement for a few seconds before he could respond. I'm glad he agreed and hope he sticks with it.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 7:55 PM, Friday, January 21st]

I think emailing him was a good strategy because he couldn't interrupt or talk over you; he actually had to sit with your statement for a few seconds before he could respond. I'm glad he agreed and hope he sticks with it.

I actually always did this to avoid MY emotions getting the better of me. I can type it all out and be relaxed and calm. When he and i talk about A related stuff my nerves get totally shot.

Well he hasnt mentioned her BUT they had outside workers come for some odd reason. The moment he started on about "the woman was so tall and she asked me for a ladder snd i was like YOU need a ladder" i totally tuned him out.

He took the hint pretty quickly.

On the topic of work...as he was locking up the gates before leaving he fell, rolled his ankle, heard a snap and wasnt able to walk properly. Tried to get back inside, ankle gave out and he ended up laying there in pain. Said it brought tears to his eyes. Supervisor and manager both checked on him and he got inside. Took a step and it cracked again, this time he said it felt so much better like his foot snapped back into place.

It's soooo swollen. No bruising. He has reluctantly agreed to let me drove him to the hospital tomorrow if it's not better or worse.

Wh is in the hospital now, waiting to find out if his ankle is broken.

This is trigger city for me.

His last hospital visit resulted in him flirting with the nurse IN FRONT OF ME.

I lost it and left. Ended up calling his mother to be with him.

That was before covid. This time around i cannot stay with him. It's a blessing and a curse. Cant help but feel hes in there flirting as usual. Even if he says hes not....how can i ever believe him.

I went to do some shopping while i wait for him. Trying to find food...damn been to three stores in two towns and still cant find some stuff.

Now that im done its a waiting game. Sucks. Hopefully its just a bad sprain. He was super unhappy about going and he said his blood pressure was so high the nurse was worried.

When wh said "i get it" he might actually have really gotten it.

No mention of her at all since. No activity on his social media.

Despite no obvious breaks, wh ankle is a dark purple, swollen and he cannot move his foot up, point his toes or move side to side. He is wearing a brace and continues to work. I feel badly for him but my level of empathy is limited and i can see that frustrates him.

I am just unable to let myself feel anything more.

That stinks about his ankle. At least he's still able to go to work and not be in your hair all day.

Watch out for him temporarily getting it though...

My BH was a bit clueless around women from work too- with all the emotional boundary breaking over the years and his friendships with "fun" women at work, I'm sick of hearing about it too.

Last night we were talking about him going out with work friends and I asked if the 2 women he was particularly attached to were going to be there. He said no and then went on to say how I probably would like them if I met them. I rolled my eyes and said, "yeah, if I met them without you talking about them so much first." Then amended that to, "well, I probably wouldn't like the one with the drinking/drug problem anyhow. Maybe the other one if she wasn't so appealing to you."

ANYWAY

Sometimes they just don't get it. Why would I like someone he would have 1-2 lunches a week where heavy drinking was involved? Why would I think she was "fun" and pal around with someone like that? The other one is better- Catholic and engaged. Seems to be on a good track with her life. She spends $700 for a pair of shoes- MULTIPLE pairs and buys $$$$ of purses. Seems a bit shallow and a danger to my BH's spending habits.

So yeah, not my type of people. The second one I wouldn't have much in common with and would be annoyed with her spending habits and superficiality, but then she's young- mid/late 20's. I'm approaching 40 and in a different place in my life. The first one- NOT SAFE or friend of our marriage. Let alone anyone's marriage.

I guess my BH is a bit WH himself. They're frickin' clueless. I know I was... Until I wasn't.

That stinks about his ankle. At least he's still able to go to work and not be in your hair all day.

Since the injury happened at work and he had to fill out workplace injury forms at the hospial, he should have been able to take some time off to heal. His work place just doesn't care and he worried that if he took the time off they would tell him not to bother coming back...

Watch out for him temporarily getting it though...

Oh i know. He will be a decent human being for months, even a year then fall right back into bad habits. Maybe its that I've tuned him out, shoe little to no interest in what he says, go about my day as usual thats got him thinking maybe he needs to man up.

Last night we were talking about him going out with work friends 

This has never been an issue. Wh isnt into hanging out with people outside of work. We did have one party where work people were invited and did attend a party ourselves in the early days he worked there but he says he deals with them 6 days a week 13 hours a day, why would he want to spend MORE time with them.

So I know this is OT from your original post, but I had to chime in.

His work place just doesn't care and he worried that if he took the time off they would tell him not to bother coming back..

He would have a hell of a lawsuit - like in he could own that company...especially now that there's a worker's comp (or whatever it's called in CN) case. He is entitled to time off, which would be reimbursed by worker's comp, not his company. And they need to have his position (or an equivalent) for him when he heals.

He would have a hell of a lawsuit - like in he could own that company...especially now that there's a worker's comp (or whatever it's called in CN) case. He is entitled to time off, which would be reimbursed by worker's comp, not his company. And they need to have his position (or an equivalent) for him when he heals.

I agree. I just dont think we could afford or find a lawyer willing to prosecute.

That said there has been many labour board complaints and nothing of yet has been done.

There is a manager who constantly calls people stupid, fat, lazy, worthless etc and no one is willing to complain for fear of losing their job.

This isnt done jokingly either. Hes down right mean.

And they wonder why turnover is so bad.

Even with the doc saying there was no obvious breaks i have to wonder if there isnt a fracture they missed. He said last night while standing on his foot it feels like the bone in his leg are driving down into the bottom of his foot. He winces and jumps in pain of he moves the wrong way. At this rate it will take a long time for him to heal properly if at all.

I just dont think we could afford or find a lawyer willing to prosecute.

There are worker's comp attorneys who work on a contingency basis - if WH does not win, attorney does not get paid; if he does, attorney gets a percentage.

If this boss is that horrible, I wonder if they could get a fake "employee" (who is really a PI or something to that effect) to record him when he does this. That's a (very) hostile work environment. Desperate times = desperate measures; this a*ole needs to be stopped or it will escalate even more.

If he's in that much pain, can he get into an orthopedist for further evaluation? He may need a CT/MRI to check the ligaments/tendons, which can be just as, if not more painful, as a break when injured.

This sucks - now you're stuck doing 100% of the work again. Ugh!

There are worker's comp attorneys who work on a contingency basis - if WH does not win, attorney does not get paid; if he does, attorney gets a percentage.

I didn't know this. Thank you.
I have to wonder if wh feels he has to work through the pain so hes not seen as weak. He runs so much of the inside and all of the outside jobs so him not being there is a big deal. Said nasty manager is then forced to do the outside work.

If this boss is that horrible, I wonder if they could get a fake "employee" (who is really a PI or something to that effect) to record him when he does this. That's a (very) hostile work environment. Desperate times = desperate measures; this a*ole needs to be stopped or it will escalate even more.

I have actually said this exact thing!!! Also told wh to record the manager if possible (personal phone not allowed on the floor and there's always a chance the work phone is being monitored). Wh said its just a matter of time before manager says something to the wrong person and he gets in trouble.

If he's in that much pain, can he get into an orthopedist for further evaluation? He may need a CT/MRI to check the ligaments/tendons, which can be just as, if not more painful, as a break when injured.

I have suggested this as well. Get a second opinion or have our GP take a look. Then he can be sent for further testing. He is stubborn though, hates hospitals and doctors and i would have to make an appointment and just drive him there like i did the ER

This sucks - now you're stuck doing 100% of the work again. Ugh! 

Not really. I typically do everything during the day when he's at work anyways. The only thing i need help with is putting in bales of hay. Screw the round bales next year squares! With hip deep snow in the back even wh had a bitch of a time getting the tractor back there this past weekend. Luckily he can still drive.

I have to wonder if wh feels he has to work through the pain so hes not seen as weak. He runs so much of the inside and all of the outside jobs so him not being there is a big deal. Said nasty manager is then forced to do the outside work.

Could be he feels that way, but if he has a serious injury (tendon rupture, ligament tear, etc.), if he does not immobilize it and keeps bearing weight on it, he will never heal properly and he will be in pain for-EVA! No fun. Which goes to your comment about him being stubborn and not liking doctors...I totally get it; my FWH is not a doc fan either and lets shit go to his detriment. He's pushing 60 and he had a lot of bad doc experiences in his 30s & 40s. He hasn't seen a doctor in probably four years and I doubt will ever see one unless he's on death's door and forced via a hospital stay.

I hope it's nothing serious and he concedes to his stubbornness and sees a specialist. Perhaps he will change his mind if it does not improve and/or gets worse.

And you, young lady, take care of YOU too (mind, body, spirit)! (((HUGS)))

Just to reiterate what LalaGirl said, I was a paralegal at a workers compensation firm. Our clients never paid out of pocket for representation. If the client had a case, we took it, and then received a percentage the client's award. In my state, the judge determined what the percentage should be but in most states it's typically between 10% to 15%.

Perhaps he will change his mind if it does not improve and/or gets worse.

I again suggested today that he get it looked at. He again said no. It will take him being in considerable pain to concede his stubbornness.

BluerThanBlue

Thank you. I will let wh know he has every right to take time off to heal. He has enough vacation pay and OT banked to easily take two weeks off without worry about not having a paycheck. So he cannot use that as an excuse.