fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 12:53 PM on Thursday, November 6th, 2025
As you will see over and over on these pages, cheating has nothing to with real love. It is pure selfishness. Real love does not lead one to betray a partner and children and display the worst side of him. He will not change and will discard the OW when he feels like it. Many describe their partner as being taken over by an alien. He will continue to try and hurt you as you interact. No contact equals no new hurts. Get a legal separation. You deserve better.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:30 PM on Thursday, November 6th, 2025
Out of curiosity do you think he does really love the OW or is it a fog? Do they ever realise the hurt and stuff they caused or are they just oblivious to it all?
He believes he really loves this woman. Unfortunately that is his current mindset.
He is also in a fog — he’s not seeing the reality of his situation. He’s infatuated w/ her right now. It’s new. It’s exciting. He’s thriving on the drama.
When the OW gets tired of his drama, she may decide to end it completely. Or she may give an ultimatum. Or she may decide to stay with him but get tired of his $ going to alimony &/or child support and look for someone else who doesn’t have those issues.
Where you need to be concerned is his thinking he can live with you & kids and treat you so terribly. I was in your shoes for 6 months of the same drama - much younger OW who kept pushing my H to D me. I heard all the ways I was horrible, mean, not supportive, controlling, no fun etc. So I am very much aware of your day to day life and how horrible it is. I’ve had that exact experience (except my H never left our home).
The only thing you can do is save yourself and stop the onslaught of verbal abuse he is throwing at you.
Get. Him. Out. Of. Your. House.
ASAP!
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 8:14 PM on Thursday, November 6th, 2025
You need to become immune to his hollow words as well.
I don’t care what happens in the future but please do not EVER feel obligated to take him back.
When this current affair blows up (and the odds are it will) and he has nowhere to go (yet again) you cannot continue to rescue him.
He is not your child. You don’t need to support him. As you stated you will NEVER forget the nasty things he has said to you. He needs to "hate you" for a few reasons - to show the OW he’s committed to her, to justify the affair in his mind AND to have a "reason" to try to pit the kids against you.
Parental alienation is a real thing and sadly I think he’s capable of it. Watch yourself and be vigilant about the lies he will spew to make himself look good in front of the kids.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
