SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Your WW has the quintessential entitlement behavior. When something is done to her, it is unfair. When she does something to someone else, she is justified.

It's weird - I always knew my WS had some type of entitlement within him and I pointed it out to him at some point early in our M. I thought that behavior was relegated only to his employment situations. Well I suppose I was wrong. His A was all about entitlement and it took quite a long time after d-day for him to see it.

We cannot separate our behaviors for only things that serve us well. Behaviors permeate the entirety of our lives. For your WW, she is still living in denial, with walls up, and with her entitlement front and center. This was the most difficult part of Mr. ISurvived's transformation. I didn't know how to get him from entitled to not entitled. After d-day I told him he lost some of his rights in our relationship and he became indignant because after all he is a human being and has the same rights as anybody else. What he failed to recognize is that paradigm is only true when you have integrity. When you steal from someone else, then you give up your rights.

I think it's a matter of taking down the walls and taking an honest look at one's self. If she is unwilling to do that, then it is over because she will never find remorse. So you should know that it is not you. Nor could you have done anything to stop the train she is on. She needs to do the work, she needs to take an unvarnished look at herself, she needs to believe what you say and if she doesn't, then she will live her life entitled and without integrity which is not a good partner for you.

I'm sorry, truly sorry for the D that you are facing. I've been there before and it is not fun and we beat ourselves up quite a bit unnecessarily because we want a different outcome. We want to believe we could have changed it, that we could have gotten a different outcome. But sometimes, that just isn't true and this is one of those times.

(((squid)))

ISSF,

I'm sorry, truly sorry for the D that you are facing. I've been there before and it is not fun and we beat ourselves up quite a bit unnecessarily because we want a different outcome. We want to believe we could have changed it, that we could have gotten a different outcome. But sometimes, that just isn't true and this is one of those times.

It's not even so much that I beat myself up so much. I mean, I do that. But on top of that I live in my own fantasy world that my WW will somehow flip a switch and become a person that, deep down, I realize she will never become. Not unless she invests herself into that process.

It's not even so much that I beat myself up so much. I mean, I do that. But on top of that I live in my own fantasy world that my WW will somehow flip a switch and become a person that, deep down, I realize she will never become. Not unless she invests herself into that process.

You're addicted to hopium.

You keep thinking that one day she'll "get it". Don't bet your life and future on that. All it will do is keep you bound to where you are and have been.

Life is very short Squid. Quit wasting it.

Ditto on the hopium. It will suck the years right out of your life.