I'm divorced, so I don't know if that helps, but it's been 5 years from Dday 2 and 4.5 years from when I called it and filed. For the longest time, I had trouble feeling things. I likened it to a piano keyboard where only the notes in the middle work. The keys at either end just don't do anything anymore. Thus I had only a limited range of emotional notes. Joy, laughter, happiness... all unplayable. Funny, the anger and rage keys always managed to worth though. I guess those are the most resilient.
But recently, say maybe 6ish months, I've noticed a real change. 馃 I think it was late spring or early summer where I laughed for the first time in 6 years. Normally, I developed the ability to half chuckle during my hell years. It was my attempt to have a somewhat normal social response in public. I didn't want to be known as the robotic zombie freak and it was my coping mechanism. Well, I was at a get together a d we were playing a party game, pictionary. Anyway, I'd had a couple drinks and one of the drawings set me off. It was like years of laughter that had been locked in my vault, poured out of me. I remember laughing and thinking at the same time, so that's what it feels like. That moment must have been a catalyst because I started and continue to change and open up. Hope has returned and shoulder despair to the corner of the room. I'm feeling excited on occasion which is a huge deal for me. I'm even opening up to the possibility of a partner one day. So things do get better.
I have this advice I post every so often that it has become my boiler plate wisdom. It was given to me by a monk from India and it is simple but has helped me greatly. It is just this: you are not your emotions. You are merely experiencing them. They do not define who you are. You are not sad, but simply experiencing the feeling of sadness, and when you have completely experienced that, you will put it away and experience a different emotion. They are just transitory guests in your life meant to teach you.
So when I get my sad days, and boy I still get those, I recognize that this is just an uninvited guest for short visit. I turn and face it and allow myself to feel it. And then it goes, usually after a good sleep. I'm pretty amazed at how good I feel in the morning as opposed to how badly I felt earlier. It's really an encouragement to me and I remember this for the next time.
Don't know if any of this helps, but we are rooting for you. Chin up. You can do this...
I'm an oulier in my positions.
Me:57 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
Divorced