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I'm having yet again more issues with my sister, so I thought I would ask for some collective wisdom.

The three of us more or less co-own a summer home. Since I have been living in New England, my involvement has been nominal but that should be changing with my relocation.

I have yet to see my new home (closing the first half of July, hopefully). It has a newer washer and dryer, which I am considering replacing with a stackable unit to free up some space. However, I'm not making a decision until I get out there.

So I sent a message to my sisters saying that depending on what I decide, if I do replace the laundry equipment, maybe we should take these units to the cottage.

I get an email over the weekend from one of my sisters pretty much demanding that I let her know when I'm going to arrange to bring the equipment to the cottage.

WTH?

I haven't even MOVED yet, let alone seen my new place to make a decision! And there will have to be some significant arrangements made because the place is an access nightmare, and there's no way I can transport anything of this nature myself.

I'm beyond angry at this point. I mean, it's so rude to be demanding like this. I understand that the laundry equipment on site is failing, but that doesn't mean I have to schedule my life around it.

Thoughts?

Cat

Our family cabin is in trust with my siblings and nieces. Driving 3 hours to spend a weekend there was never something that I was interested in. I did the trip most summer weekends for 4-5 years it took to build. Basically I did it for my parents. When my father passed, I suggested that mom just will it in my eldest sister's family since her husband, my father, and I did 95% of the work building it. The fun part after that was finding out the weekends my former BIL spent building the cabin with me, his wife my sister was using having to work to stay home and have an affair with a family friend. My eldest sister, fBIL's exWS, is the executor of the will and trust. I'm really not looking forward to dealing with trust after mom passes. I have some unresolved anger over what she did and my mom's unconditional support of her during the D. My vote will be to desolve the trust and sell it as it is not getting enough usage to justify the maintenance costs. When we started down this road my parents were approaching retirement age and where planning on spending significant amount of time there together. He was diagnosed right after we started and didn't survive to completion.

I get an email over the weekend from one of my sisters pretty much demanding that I let her know when I'm going to arrange to bring the equipment to the cottage.

Response should be I don't have enough information yet to make a firm decision and give you a definitive answer on that. I should have a better idea this fall (pick a date that make sense) and will let you know. You may want to be very specific that it may not happen at all. That your last message was just a heads up that it may be a possibility.

[This message edited by grubs at 5:00 PM, Monday, June 6th]

I've watched some of this kind of dysfunction in my H's family.

My MIL, eldest sister, has learned not to say anything about potential plans concerning her middle sister until she knew exactly what she wanted to propose. We have all learned to not tell middle sister anything good or bad that may yet come to pass. She latches on and spreads it to be the first to have the positive attention with good news (as with my cousin's 2nd baby), or to have the joy of having the first, best and right opinion in the matter (if the news is bad). She now complains that she's always the last to know

She doesn't need to know when your washer may or may not become available. They're your appliances.

Maybe going forward, keep cards to your chest. It's what we've had to learn to do with much trial and error..

I deal with difficult in laws ( even my H agrees his family dynamics are crazy at times).

Lots of passive aggressive stuff.

I don’t offer anything or get involved in things like decisions etc. I have learned it’s usually more trouble than it’s worth.

I would backtrack and not offer up the appliances no matter what you decide. A nice charity could benefit from them too, and they will come and pick it up from you.

If it were me I would donate the washer and dryer to Habitant for Humanity so some needy family could use it. They would even come pick it up. I don't do well with people 'demanding' things from me at all. I have a feeling you just might be the same way.