SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The IC the other night asked about my family situation growing up and the women in my life going back to my childhood.

I was very much surrounded by women growing up, a single mother, sisters and cousins growing up in the same house; I was the only boy. When I got older my first intimate experiences were with older women -- mostly who I met through my older sisters and female cousins.

I don't remember a time since I was 15 when a woman was not in my life intimately. When they weren't fawning over me they were bossing me around -- running my life. And quite frankly I was very content with it. I like strong women.

The friendships I forged in college with the St. Elmo's Fire Gang were mostly with women.

I generally like the company of women, I don't mean this in the sexual sense; I like being around them and listening to them talk and laugh. I find them way more interesting than men.

I'm not a man's man; I never liked to hang out with the guys and engage in horse play. I preferred to hang out where the women were -- not to score -- but just to hang out.

Men are not that interesting to me -- too one dimensional most of the time, they just bore the hell out of me. If my roommate tells me one more time about the deal he got on his new car I'm going to slap him.

Now I'm alone, and I don't like it at all; it's been about two weeks since I moved out and I'm going bananas. I told this to the IC and she responded, "do you find yourself so boring that you can't keep yourself company for awhile and allow more time to gain some perspective?"

She then suggested that I had developed a dependency on the attention of women. She said in all my relationships it seems like I was not an equal partner with any of them. She said at this point I needed to become my own best friend and be the leader of my own life.

She also suggested the OW and Andi did not see me as a strong independent person -- did not respect me -- and is at the root of my current situation.

"You appear to be an inanimate object to them," she said.

This kind of hurt, she was basically calling me a P*ssy.

She wants me to maintain NC still, I see her next week.

[This message edited by MyAndI at 9:16 AM, May 14th (Friday)]

I find them way more interesting than men.

This may be worth examining- Why do you think that is?

"You appear to be an inanimate object to them," she said.

This kind of hurt, she was basically calling me a P*ssy.

Do you see how you’re placing value judgments on statements that aren’t about you here? Qualifiers like “basically” are a FANTASTIC indicator of intellectual leaps, of places where we summarize and paraphrase in order to hear what we WANT.

Do you honestly believe your IC called you a pussy? And why would she do that?

I have always preferred the company of women also, for many of the reasons you cite. Though 100% cis het, with never any tendencies or thoughts in any other direction, I tended to find most other men dull macho pretenders on self promoting power trips.

With that said, my preferring the company of women doesn't mean I wasn't always on the make. Looking for opportunities. Hence the trouble.

She said in all my relationships it seems like I was not an equal partner with any of them.

Men are not that interesting to me -- too one dimensional most of the time, they just bore the hell out of me

.

That is something that you might want to think about...

I have been in both equal and unequal relationships with women, equal is best.

You need to hang out with a better caliber of of men.

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 3:12 PM, May 18th (Tuesday)]

I don't think being alone is what you fear.

You probably fear the loss of female attention more than being alone.

Your IC 'suggested that I had developed a dependency on the attention of women', which could be why you view male friendship with such disdain ("Men are not that interesting to me -- too one dimensional most of the time, they just bore the hell out of me. If my roommate tells me one more time about the deal he got on his new car I'm going to slap him."), as unless the male were gay, you would not get that kind of attention from a male.

Men are not that interesting to me -- too one dimensional most of the time, they just bore the hell out of me. If my roommate tells me one more time about the deal he got on his new car I'm going to slap him.

This is a problematic statement. Men and women are not single entities that all think the same thoughts, have the same interests or and act in the same manner. Its like saying you don't like the taste of red food, I mean not all red foods taste like tomato.

Saying you find men boring suggests to me you aren't necessarily friends with people because you like them as a person. You aren't discovering or valuing them for their individual qualities but perhaps more for what they do for you or give you.

She said at this point I needed to become my own best friend and be the leader of my own life.

I think that this is really good advice. I have had to adjust to being on my own and I have really enjoyed it, which I never thought would happen. Take time to work on your life and make it as full and enjoyable as you can, go eat out on your own, take trips - you might be surprised and find you like it. The when friends and loved ones are around, you can decide to spend time with them or equally not to - not because you are scared of being alone but now it will actually be a choice.