Topic is Sleeping.
RippedSoul (original poster member #40055) posted at 3:45 AM on Friday, March 24th, 2017
What would be the best books for her to read to prepare for a successful marriage? She had a friend recommend "His Needs, Her Needs, but I don't like many aspects of that book, post-infidelity (my relationship, not hers). Besides the love languages book, what would YOU recommend?
RS
BW: 55; SLAWH: 52; M: 28 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute 1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (WH confessed: P1, AP, escorts 1 & 2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 26; DD: 24; DS: 22; DS: 20
I've never NOT edited my posts.
devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 3:58 AM on Friday, March 24th, 2017
Not "Just Friends" by Dr Shirley Glass. Yes, it has many post infidelity aspects, but the lessons about healthy walks and boundaries would be very good for them both.
Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.
Walloped ( member #48852) posted at 2:03 PM on Friday, March 24th, 2017
"The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman.
Me: BH 47
Her: WW 46
DDay 8/3/15
"Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.” - The Doctor
Growingweary ( member #47279) posted at 4:02 PM on Friday, March 24th, 2017
I’ve read several of Gary Chapman’s books and loved each & every one of them. All are incredibly easy to read & very insightful. The 5 Love Languages hardcover special edition makes a wonderful keepsake. You may want to consider waiting to give it as a wedding gift & provide your DD with one of Chapman’s other relationship books right now. Here’s a couple options worth exploring:
Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman.
Chapter 1: That being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage
Chapter 2: That romantic love has two stages
Chapter 3: That the saying “Like mother, like daughter” and “Like father, like son” is not a myth
Chapter 4: How to solve disagreements without arguing
Chapter 5: That apologizing is a sign of strength
Chapter 6: That forgiveness is not a feeling
Chapter 7: That toilets are not self-cleaning
Chapter 8: That we needed a plan for handling our money
Chapter 9: That mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic
Chapter 10: That I was marrying into a family
Chapter 11: That personality profoundly influences behavior
Happily Ever After: Six Secrets to a Successful Marriage by Gary Chapman.
Chapter One: Everybody Wins: Solving Conflicts without Arguing
Part Two: Home Improvements: Negotiating Change with Your Spouse
Part Three: Profit Sharing: Making Money an Asset in Your Marriage
Part Four: Now What? Marriage after the Children Arrive
Part Five: Making Love: Making Sex an Act of Love
Part Six: In-Law Relationships: Becoming Friends with your In-Laws
Me: BW
Him: WH
M: 35 years
Confronted: 11/22/14
You can’t talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into! - Stephen Covey
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 8:07 PM on Friday, March 24th, 2017
Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus. To me, this book gave some great insight into the differences in how men and women think and communicate.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
notperfect5 ( member #43330) posted at 8:17 PM on Friday, March 24th, 2017
Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. John Townsend
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Me: 55 BH Her: 52 WW - Edith12
DDay 8/13 EA, fake R
Turned PA on 4/27/14 and fake R
PA during MC and my IC and her IC through 12/14
Polygraph on 4/30/15, TT 5/5/15.. TT on 10/4/15, 2nd Poly and TT 11/17/15
DD's 23, 21, 18, 15 DS
RippedSoul (original poster member #40055) posted at 3:24 AM on Saturday, March 25th, 2017
Those are all wonderful! I especially love the reasons why you like them. Thanks so much!
BW: 55; SLAWH: 52; M: 28 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute 1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (WH confessed: P1, AP, escorts 1 & 2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 26; DD: 24; DS: 22; DS: 20
I've never NOT edited my posts.
Tearsoflove ( member #8271) posted at 9:40 PM on Saturday, March 25th, 2017
My daughter, who is now 21, read "Not Just Friends" when she was about 18 at my suggestion. She was starting a new relationship after a bad one and I liked the idea of her starting out with some good boundaries.
She and her now fiancé will be getting married this year and they have fantastic boundaries and great communication. I truly believe the book should be required reading for those becoming engaged. Because of the boundaries they've developed, they are both very comfortable with each other's opposite sex friends and are open about potential issues.
In fact, my daughter felt herself developing a crush on a coworker when the relationship was fairly new and, instead of trying to deal with it herself, told her fiancé (then boyfriend) about it preemptively. They talked about it and shored up their boundaries and the crush dissipated without any relationship issues occurring. They have now been together for almost three years and I feel very good about their impending marriage.
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson
psychmom ( member #47498) posted at 2:49 AM on Sunday, March 26th, 2017
I'm glad I found this topic, as our oldest DD is now engaged and we're planning a wedding for October 2018. Woo Hoo!
"Conscious Loving" is a book we've read at the suggestion of our MC, and I've given my DD a copy. But I think some of the others listed here are also ones I'd like to share with her.
BS (me); fWH (both 50+; married 20 yr at the time; 2 DD DDay 1- 9/13/2014 (EA)- 3+ yrsDDay 2- 10/24/2014(PA2)-July'14-Sept'14DDay 3- 11/12/2014(PA1)-Oct-Feb '14Reconciled
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 7:23 PM on Sunday, March 26th, 2017
I also recommend The 5 Love Languages. I gave it to DS and DDIL for Easter the year before they married.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 9:46 PM on Tuesday, March 28th, 2017
Our DD is engaged too! I'm going ot get them a copy of The Five Love Languages and check out some of the other titles. 
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
donewiththatlife ( member #53611) posted at 12:41 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2017
ACT with Love - Russ Harris
Teaches specific strategies for dealing with unhelpful thoughts and painful emotions and that despite those thoughts and emotions we can still behave with love and respect.
WW - 38, serial cheater in recovery
BH - 38
Dday - 5-2-16
There is no substitute for integrity.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow."
Lovedyoumore ( member #35593) posted at 9:00 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2017
Not Just Friends. Making proactive boundaries is a great gift to your spouse.
Society does not want to recognize how boundaries, especially between the sexes, are needed BEFORE the relationship is in danger. Boundaries by the naysayers are seen as suffocating, insulting, sexist, or controlling. I see and hear every day that every thing is cozy and perfect as long as there is complete trust, so therefore, boundaries must only be for cheaters or the suspicious. I think this book gives a great argument that proper boundaries are born out of respect and care rather than jealousy and control.
Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R
Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 2:18 AM on Tuesday, April 4th, 2017
"The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman. It's a tough, tough read, but very, very enlightening.
[This message edited by Unhinged at 8:18 PM, April 3rd (Monday)]
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
Topic is Sleeping.
