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Nov 23, 2007

64fleet posted 11/23/2020 14:35 PM

Was my dday, 13 yrs today. Still married, not really happy. 3 yrs til the youngest is 18.
Spouses mother was sick, she had a stroke, and needed help at home.
Spouse used this as excuse to screw other guys, my dumb ass took the kids to her mothers nearly daily, but spouse simply used that time to date other, and used MIL as babysitter..
Wish I had recorded her coming home drunk with the kids.
Wish I had filed immediately.
We get along ok but the love died somewhere along the way.

Darkness Falls posted 11/23/2020 14:42 PM

I can relate to the love having died along the way. For me it happened between our divorce and remarriage, but my dumb ass remarried him anyway.

Unlike you, I have like 15ish years until youngest is 18. 😬😩

Iím sorry for what youíve been through. I wish you all the best in the next three years and beyond.

fooled13years posted 11/23/2020 14:42 PM


Still married
From what you have written it seems to me that you have a roommate.

Have you DNA tested the child?

Wish I had filed immediately
So what's stopping you from filing for D now?

64fleet posted 11/23/2020 17:19 PM

Pretty sure the youngest is mine, but the boy is 20 now & over a foot taller & 100lbs heavier than me has size 14 shoe. My Dad wears 8 1/2 I wear a 9, my Dad is same height/weight as me.
I have stayed for my daughter.
Had I documented some things way back when I would have had some leverage in court, but was too naive/in love stupid or whatever.
Spouse is alcoholic, was sober 7 yrs after dday.

The1stWife posted 11/23/2020 20:00 PM

Please do not stay for the children. Yiu think they donít know you are unhappy?

I read a story (maybe here at SI - not sure) but it deans with his kids cope at 18 when their parents Divorce. Some are away at school. Some are about to go off to college.

You have up-ended their lives and they are not in surroundings they know or have access to their support group (parents, family, friends).

I hace read where kids canít cope with all if it ó new school, making new friends, classes and tough schedules, difficult workloads and parents D. It is overload for them.

Many kids end up an emotional wreck. Failing out of school. Having extreme anxiety. Turning to drinking etc to cope with it all.

Plus living in a household where two parents are co-existing is just not a good environment. Better to live with two patients who are separated or apart yet happy and co-parenting well together.

64fleet posted 11/24/2020 09:51 AM

Kids are old enough to understand which parent is the problem. Doing well in school.
Spouse totaled her car drunk last year, kids were safe at home with me. Not sure what would have happened if we had shared custody- they might have been with her.
She goes thru a 1.75 liter in two days lately.

crazyblindsided posted 11/24/2020 16:07 PM


I know it's hard to leave but I agree with 1stWife that it is better for the kids. I was one that was going to stay until the kids left home but realized I would just end up miserable and everyone else miserable too. My daughter would always ask me why I didn't just leave. They were tired of the feeling in the house. I drank too much while I was in-house separated and didn't do much but wallow. Not much of a mom

Now I am separated and I don't drink except on special occasions and I'm much happier and at peace. I believe the kids can see it and feel it.

There is a better life waiting for you on the other side.

somanyyears posted 11/24/2020 16:19 PM

..haven't seen you around much lately..

Sorry to read "still married, not really happy"

We only get 1 lifetime to find happiness. What do you expect will happen when your youngest hits 18? ... in terms of your happiness..?

Time waits for no-one! (can't remember who said that!)
Stay safe eh! with this Covid shit going on..


64fleet posted 11/25/2020 13:33 PM

smy- hopefully a secluded cabin way out in the woods with no one around for miles.

somanyyears posted 11/25/2020 16:46 PM

..sending you positive mojo for getting that cabin in the woods. May it have ...indoor plumbing... a great view of the lake... and good fishing!

Have a happy Thanksgiving neighbour..


Westway posted 11/25/2020 16:48 PM

You are the only one keeping yourself in this hell.

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