I know it feels like six months is a long time, but it really isn't. Infidelity hits the BS like a linebacker who's crushed from every angle. They lose the marriage they thought they had, they lose the person they believed you were, they even lose the person they believed they were. They thought they were a decent judge of character and had the ability to choose a trustworthy partner; they never imagined you were capable of hurting them this way. It's not surprising that it takes a long time to sift through this and figure out what they can have, who you can become, and how they themselves have fundamentally changed.
I get how you feel. At about the five month mark after D-Day, I said the same thing to my BBF -- "If we're just going to make each other miserable, is there really a point to this? Maybe we should just admit that I killed us, and walk away." It wasn't intended to be a manipulation tactic. I meant it. We weren't married, he lived in a city I would never have moved to if we weren't getting married, and we'd been together for several years. I thought that if we were just going to torture each other indefinitely, and probably break up anyway, we should cut to the end game.
What that turned into was rugsweeping, and it's not a solution. My BBF was terrified of losing me, and so he looked around for some magic bullet to heal himself quickly. He chose an ONS revenge affair. It felt validating, which he mistook for healing. All it did was paper over his wounds and let them fester. It takes time, repetition, and constant pain to come back from this. There are no shortcuts, as we discovered years later, when all the buried pain came roiling back to the surface.
Honestly, walking away isn't a Get Out of Jail Free card, either. You're taking that same broken, impatient, wayward brain into your next relationship. It's pretty rare for a WS to internalize real change, to confront ourselves, and to establish healthy behavior patterns in a matter of a few months. You're likely to end up back in the same stew of resentment, entitlement, and self-justification when confronted with adversity in future relationships. Even if your current marriage doesn't work out, the hard and painful work if facing why and how it happened isn't avoidable for either of you.
Sometimes R doesn't work. Maybe it won't work for you. Maybe you should break up. But the fact that you're still suffering hard at six months isn't proof of that; it's just par for the course when honestly facing the enormous damage that infidelity wreaks.
[This message edited by BraveSirRobin at 7:48 AM, October 5th (Monday)]