SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

isles posted 8/21/2020 19:48 PM

I wanted to come back to finish my story.

"Over the top call or more" I wrote just under a year ago. Some of you will remember my story some won't!

The past 12 months has been utter hell, I have been weak and never taken any of the advice on here! For anyone new on here take the advice, these people have all experienced a cheater and infidelity, LISTEN to the advice here!

Roll on 12 months and this week the OPs wife finds a letter in the AP's car. The letter went on to talk about the amazing sex they had how the love they had was so special, how amazing his life would be with her!

It may have been wrote a while ago who knows but the truth is there!

I went on bimbling along for the past 12 months, 6 months ago I knew it was over with her and him, her ways changed and she wanted to make her family work, she was being genuine however this letter is a real kick in the teeth. And guess what? She says it's NOT TRUE he says he made it up! Unbelievable really.

Cheaters lie and will do anything to protect an affair even when it's in black and white.

She is now begging and begging to make our family work, I'm her world I'm her life! Life is not worth it with out me!

I have to escape now and get back my self respect!

This women will never tell the truth and her lies will destroy my kids childhoods.

What a sham! My own fault for being weak!

[This message edited by isles at 7:50 PM, August 21st (Friday)]

ThisIsSoLonely posted 8/21/2020 19:58 PM

I'm sorry this has happened - I know how it is to find out more (in my case more meant the A never ended, or ended only briefly, and just continued underground). Hang on as it's still quite a ride from this point on. You are right - no one writes a letter like that and it not be true (unless they have had some sort of psychotic break and that would be bad on a whole different level) - this is just the garden variety bullshit that cheaters dole out. I am almost 3 years from d-day1, 2 from d-day2 and 1.5 from d-day3...and there won't be any more d-days as I simply don't care anymore. I don't know how to explain it except that my feelings of giving a shit about my WH just died - he killed them of course, and for me apparently that was what had to happen.

You know the drill at this point - read what you need to, talk to whoever you need to, and make a PLAN to extricate yourself from this. Your WW may or may not be welcome or even want to follow you AND you may find that you don't want them to anyway (this is what happened to me - my WH decided that "we" were what he wanted...but he waited to long and my resolve was broken). Take care of yourself - look out for yourself - make a financial plan if you don't have one already so YOU have options. Unfortunately you have to turn the tables and start really treating your WW as your Plan B...because you have to be your Plan A.

oldtruck posted 8/21/2020 20:06 PM

mandatory for WW to have a polygraph test.

MorbidCuriosity posted 8/21/2020 21:40 PM

Nah. No need for a poly anymore. There is nothing worth knowing nor worth saving at this point. You did the pick me dance and she didnt pick you. Like OP said, take that self respect and take it with you. I honestly do not think it is worth another year of heartache. It is time you start the healing process. The usual 180，no contact unless about divorce and etc. Just start something to get the ball rolling.

DeWittle posted 8/21/2020 21:55 PM

When we speak of Gaslighting your WW should be the example. Truly a horrible person they both are.

I’m sorry you find yourself back here. It pains me to know you have languished for nearly a year, NO ONE should have to endure what you have. Maybe one day you will reach your limit and take action.

SlapNutsABingo posted 8/22/2020 02:03 AM

The advice is being given again, she has shown you who she is. Believe her AND US.

Wishing you everything....

Buffer posted 8/22/2020 02:27 AM

Well that sucks.
Sit down with a lawyer and discuss your next move.
One day at a time
Buffer

The1stWife posted 8/22/2020 09:43 AM

You are not weak. You believed she was worthy of your trust and an attempt to reconcile and repair the marriage that the cheating liar of a spouse broke.

Reconciliation is hard! So is Divorce!

Don’t blame yourself b/c she is a liar. Be thankful you have learned how truly untrustworthy she is.

Thumos posted 8/23/2020 10:23 AM

I have to escape now and get back my self respect!

This women will never tell the truth and her lies will destroy my kids childhoods.

Now you’ve got the clarity of it. Move forward with that clarity and don’t look back. File and have her served.

isles posted 8/23/2020 12:06 PM

It's just a mess. 7 days on and she still tells me it's total crap and that sex never happened! His letter was very clear deep and full of feelings!

Why not come clean and be honest? Put everything on the table. All she wants is a future with us but how can this ever be possible? Why lie, the web of lies are now embarrassing.

I live on a tiny island there are triggers everywhere. I am at the stage where not only will I need to give up my life my home my kids I will have to move and get away, everyone knows everyones business here!

The emotions are killing me by the day, I am now starting the look for my own home away from it all it's going to be so hard! As an over thinker the effects on my day to day life are scary!

[This message edited by isles at 12:07 PM, August 23rd (Sunday)]

beenthereinco posted 8/23/2020 12:33 PM

Hi isles,
I remember you. Sorry to see you back here but I am not at all surprised. I read back over your other thread and saw that even then, just a few days in I said something that I will say again. "This ends when you want it to end."

You have been living a hellish life for a year now. Is there any way possible that living alone would be worse than this? It can't be. You are the only one keeping you in this hell. You do not need to catch your WW in the OM's arms for crying out loud. You do not need a confession from her. Just divorce her. Just do it!

Unsure2019 posted 8/23/2020 16:05 PM

Isles,

If you think you may still want to have the possibility of R’s with your WW, you may want to tell her there is no way you can move forward without the full and complete truth. Since she’s already proven that she can’t be trusted or believed, the only way you can know for sure is for her to take a polygraph. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know.

Idiotmcstupid posted 8/23/2020 16:20 PM

You got this, man...
I was even worse than you. I bumbled along for 3.5 years after I knew better.
Read my latest thread. Something like that is what is in store for you if you stick around.
There's no point at all in pining away for someone who treats you like an old piece of garbage. Do yourself a favor and get far away from them.
You can have a better life. I already do and it's only been 2 months of separation. The divorce is ugly as hell.
And still it's so much better.
My life is mine again. I'm not living the hellscape of infidelity.

pureheartkit posted 8/25/2020 00:51 AM

Don't beat yourself up. Find time to consider what would bring you peace and go toward that. No agony about the past only calmly decide to find your better life. Who cares she denies, she doesn't. Not your concern any longer.

Buffer posted 8/25/2020 01:53 AM

I have to agree with pureheartkit ^^^^
Buffer