I found out 6/2 that my wh was in an affair with a prostitute he met at a casino last fall. 19 year age difference. Completely different from me in every way. He’d been acting off for a few months, nothing I could put my finger on except not allowing me to look at his phone (we are in the middle of a lawsuit Relating to his old job; all emails go to his email). I’d stupidly been attending all of the court dates etc.
He shares a bd with our youngest son and on 5/31 I saw he had taken out $$$$$ in cash the day before (their bd). I asked why. Huge row about why—only answer I got was “marriage on my terms, I do what I want, when I want, no questions asked or I walk”. We’ve been together 34 years. Denied affair. Swore up and down no other person involved but that he wanted to “explore what was out there”. He’s 53.
My detective senses went into overdrive and I started looking when he went to work the next day. Found casino receipts, google searches for the AP’s divorce and custody records (married once, never followed thru on her divorce, had 2 kids with another partner). The searches were done last November. I didn’t even know he gambled. He’d gone to the casino at 4am when I thought he was out walking and then hitting up Walmart. He’s always been an early riser.
When I confronted him on 6/2 (which was the same night he was “working late” by taking her out for sushi and paying her $500, her “rate). Turns out he slept with her twice at our home ($1k) while our kids and I were out of town the end of April—right in the middle of covid uncertainty). He is a doctor and his salary has taken a huge hit. We were all instructed to not spend money. My sons and I had flown to move our older son out of his college dorm room. My wh has encouraged me to take our younger son too, for help... now I know why. Cheapest hotel we could find, of course. Never mind he’s spending $1000 on a hooker while we are gone.
He had her come to his office the same week for sex—snuck her in a backdoor. Again paid her $500. No protection. STD tests came back positive for trich.
He claims he didn’t really think she was a prostitute (despite offering to have sex with him in the casino bathroom for the same rate), that she’s young, gorgeous, intriguing etc. They exchanged over 700 texts in May. In June, when I found out, I txted her and said leave my family alone. My husband apologized to her.
Twice in June/July he texted her and got very nasty responses from her that she was done with him, not to contact her etc. She texted his burner phone—which he gave me after first mc session—on Father’s Day wishing him a happy Father’s Day with his kids and hoped all was well.
She has outstanding drug charges against her. He told the mc at our last session that he only finds women who look her attractive (different ethnicity than me, dark hair, tattoos and piercings). She also weighs about 90 pounds, and I’m 110, so according to him, I’m fat.
The mc says he has a SA and he’s convinced he has a romantic/love addiction. He says he realizes she didn’t care for him, although when he contacted her (against my and the mc advice) regarding a stolen watch and pair of earrings, valued at $7k, she denied and he said he believed her and if she ever needed anything, to contact him. WTH?
At this point, he says I’m like a prison warden and he’ll tow the line to keep our family together. Um, really? I don’t want to be constantly checking up on my partner. He resents me for breaking up his love connection. He’s written letters to our kids, justifying his actions, essentially a heart knows what it wants.
The mc is “optimistic” things will work out. Wonders what I did to make him want to stray. Maybe decades of porn and intimacy anorexia led to him straying on HIS own.
Sorry for vomiting up all of this. Thanks for any who read this far.