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Husband cheating, no remorse.

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Jeags11 posted 7/22/2020 21:54 PM

Takotsubo, I am glad that you have found your power to divorce. Iím sure you will feel so much freedom.
Staying was never an option for me, my husband has been gaslighting me for so long. Yes, I wish heíd fight for me and yes it still hurts like hell. But the feeling I have had in the pit of my stomach for the last few months is finally gone. Iíd rather be alone then feel the crazy he has made me feel.

HopefulJourney posted 7/22/2020 23:52 PM

Iím so sorry for the mess your WH created and for your pain. Stand firm. Youíre doing great. Until he learns to love himself he will never be able to give you the love you need. This is not about you. Hang in there.

steadychevy posted 7/23/2020 06:03 AM

Jeags, you have shown such strength and resolve. You have done so many things right. Take it from someone who didn't with great regret.

Jeags11 posted 7/23/2020 11:13 AM

I canít seem to wrap my head around what heís doing. All of his friends and family feel the same way. His family is pissed at him, his friends canít understand how he could do this to his PREGNANT wife and I canít seem to understand either. I donít know if he is in denial or what but it is so hard to wrap my head around this.

Jeags11 posted 7/23/2020 19:13 PM

I offered him to see his daughter this weekend on three separate occasions. Just found out he avoided that question because he is flying his 18 yo girlfriend in. I hope she enjoys trash.

fareast posted 7/23/2020 19:24 PM

I am very sorry Jeags11, but do not waste your time trying to figure him out. Do not waste your time trying to understand him. You will never understand the mind of a cheater. And by trying to do so, you simply stay stuck in his web. You have a child and another beautiful child on the way. Accepting that your WH is a liar and a cheat, and that you deserve better is the best way forward. Put him in your rear view mirror. When someone shows you their true nature, believe them. You are the prize. You and your children will get through this.

[This message edited by fareast at 8:34 PM, July 23rd (Thursday)]

junebug65000 posted 7/23/2020 22:47 PM

Make an appointment with a family practice attorney ASAP to get information on divorce and your rights -child support, alimony, etc. Also the fact that your husband may be spending money on the affair partner that should be spent only for his family should also be considered since he is flying her over. Have you checked your bank account - if it is shared take out half of the monies and open your own account - to deposit. Take care.

Gr8Lady posted 7/24/2020 01:01 AM

I empathize with you 100%, having to face betrayal while pregnant. I too had infertility and the emotionality of being successfully pregnant after infertility clouded my decision Yes I stayed and reconciled.
worse decision of my life

You have a chance to make a strong life for yourself and your baby. Listen to your gut instinct. Trust me the gut is never wrong.


It is hard to comprehend someone could have no remorse. The fact is in most cases they also are incapable of empathy. That has been my experience.

Stay positive, do something calming for yourself to de stress. Be it a candle, good book, massage or talk with a trusted friend.
Just be good to yourself.

TheLostOne2020 posted 7/24/2020 07:50 AM

steadychevy

Jeags, you have shown such strength and resolve. You have done so many things right. Take it from someone who didn't with great regret.

I'll second this. I wish I had been as on the ball as OP.

Jeags11

I canít seem to wrap my head around what heís doing. All of his friends and family feel the same way. His family is pissed at him, his friends canít understand how he could do this to his PREGNANT wife and I canít seem to understand either. I donít know if he is in denial or what but it is so hard to wrap my head around this.

Honestly don't even try. You have principles and morals - he does not. That's why his thinking is so alien to you. He is ALL about himself and his ego. The same thing happened with my ex - she's now no longer speaking to some of her family because of what happened.

He's not considering you - you are a 2 dimensional being to him. Not someone with depth or feeling. I would guess he's rewritten your marital history and probably made up all sorts of lies in his own head to justify his behavior.

I offered him to see his daughter this weekend on three separate occasions. Just found out he avoided that question because he is flying his 18 yo girlfriend in. I hope she enjoys trash.

He's living in a fantasy world. It will eventually come crashing down. Hopefully by that point you will have healed and seen through all his bullshit and lies.

He's betraying someone he has commitments and children with. I can't imagine any future long term partner is going to feel safe and secure with him.

The1stWife posted 7/24/2020 15:05 PM

He clearly has decided to live the 18 year old life style again.

Mid life crisis betore heís even mid life lol.

I suggest you stop trying to salvage your marriage and start protecting yourself and your family. See an attorney if you havenít already.

My heart breaks for you. It really does.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 7:01 AM, August 2nd (Sunday)]

CoderMom posted 7/31/2020 22:16 PM

That has to be very difficult. I have been horribly cheated on, so I can empathize, but having to go through that with all the upheaval and uncertainty in the world right now would be even worse.

Blindsided2425 posted 8/3/2020 13:19 PM

You clearly a great deal of strength and resolve, his loss, I hope you can move on to better, you sound like someone that would make another very happy, you got a steel spine and thatís rare.

thatbpguy posted 8/3/2020 13:47 PM

I'm only going to echo what has already been said...

1. Take care of yourself, and your kids. This is imperative! Do so mentally, emotionally and physically.

2. See a divorce specialist attorney yesterday. Do whatever you can for a separation agreement where he is paying you support, and possibly move him out.

3. Expose him to family and on social media. Put good peer pressure on him to do the right thing.

Jeags11 posted 8/5/2020 10:37 AM

Just a bit of an update/check in. It has been 20 days since I found out he was cheating and it has been 20 days since I moved out. He finally was able to face me last week for a drop off with our daughter, before he was going through his mom. Last week he was texting me random shit that had nothing to do with our daughter including an "I love you" text. But still, never an apolgoy or explanation or anything explaining himself. I asked him to please stop and limit communication to things regarding our daughter only. He has been difficult when it comes to making a parenting plan. I also have been consulting with lawyers. I don't feel sad for the loss of our relationship anymore, I feel relieved, so incredibily relieved. I do get sad about sharing my kids and going through child birth without my partner but I would rather be alone then have him as a partner. I still will never understand cheating on your pregnant wife after months of fertility treatments but I know that he did us both a favor and I am so glad to know who he really is before wasting years of my life with his loser ass.

ShutterHappy posted 8/5/2020 11:22 AM

Never asked me to come home. Never apologized. Never explained this to me. Nothing. It makes me feel heís so incredibly worthless

There! I fixed it for you

Youíre doing the right thing. D is a perfectly good way out of infidelity.

Lalagirl posted 8/5/2020 13:39 PM

(((((Jeags11)))))

I am SO proud of you - your strength and resolve are incredible this early in the situation.

Also proud of you for enduring those IVF treatments - my youngest DD has 2 beautiful, miracle IVF babes (now 8 and 4). I was the one who gave her those lovely daily injections.

Have you retained legal counsel yet? You should get child support/spousal support orders in place asap before he spends all of the money on Whorina.

Onward, sweetie; you got this!

fareast posted 8/5/2020 14:18 PM

Great update. So proud of you and the strength you demonstrate. Your children are very lucky.

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