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Hostile

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BSHusbandWI posted 8/26/2020 20:02 PM

Hey Bigger and others...

You're probably mostly right that my frustrations are about the truth. While I am certainly not okay with not knowing the truth, I am beginning to understand that the woman that I once loved, and trusted to be my other half doesn't have it in her to be an honest, trustworthy person that will protect our relationship above all other hurdles. I have doubts about her authenticity in general. And instead it has dawned on me that she is a person that just gives into her personal selfishness instead of working toward a common goal of becoming better with one another.

I have become a firm believer that reconciliation is a path that cannot be walked by oneself and that my wife has continued along her post-cheating path in the same direction as how she entered it... by herself, for herself - caring for no one else except herself. And that means that my journey toward healing is for me to figure out on my own.

It is too much to ask of someone that is capable of the atrocities against myself, my kids and those that love me to expect them to have the compassion and human decency to be anything other than what they are - A selfish, narcissistic person that is interested in no one but themselves.

I honestly wish it were otherwise... that I had married a person that actually cared about others. Their feelings, their wants and desires and their needs. While that was the sheep I married, she is a wolf wearing another clothing that was shed when she cheated.

So me and those that love me have to walk this path together now - with out her. While I am not alone, I have to carry me and my existing clan on a path toward happiness that does not include my wife.

I don't pretend to know what challenges will come my way personally, emotionally, and professionally, but I am up for the battle ahead.

BRING IT ON, because I will not be defined by all of the things that stand in my path to being a happy, attractive man who is engaged in a life that serves as a role model to two amazing young men that has so much to offer the people we interact with today and in the future - especially MY young men that have an entire life to lead in this crazy world. I will be an amazing role model - strong, yet vulnerable, caring yet tough, and resilient despite the challenges put in my path.

I am a good man. While I do not deserve the abuse that has been delivered for me to face - at this point, I welcome it. FUCK YOU to all of the forces in the world that have put these obstacles in my path toward happiness. I will be a model of victory for my boys and those that read this story later in my life. I will be happy. I will be successful despite the deep scars to my core.

I will craft a new life on top of those scars as they heal. And later, I, and those that care for me, and that I love - will talk of these times like they are a memory of hardships that, while not pleasant, made me a stronger, more whole person that is a wiser and more stable, wholesome person that both men and women want to spend time with on this journey of life.

Onward to the new me!

[This message edited by BSHusbandWI at 8:59 PM, August 26th (Wednesday)]

fareast posted 8/26/2020 20:45 PM

Excellent! Keep on, keepin on!

Newlifeisgreat posted 8/26/2020 21:29 PM

Congrats on reaching this point.

Things will be looking up as you begin to heal and depend on
Family and friends.


What type of job are you looking for?
What general area do you live?
(Maybe someone he might know of something)

Bigger posted 8/27/2020 03:23 AM

I have become a firm believer that reconciliation is a path that cannot be walked by oneself

That's like the left hand realizing it needs the right one to successfully clap. I don't think anyone on this site has ever suggested or implied reconciliation can be a one-man show.

Buffer posted 8/27/2020 04:11 AM

Strength and happiness to you and your children. To STBX move on and please stop being selfish.
One day at a time
Buffer

whatIknowNow posted 8/27/2020 10:15 AM

"We had almost 25 years together where our families were one. No matter what happens, you can't take that away and I care about your Mom, sister blah blah" etc...

Well IMHO it's up to each family member to decide how much or little they want to do with your present or former wife.

[This message edited by whatIknowNow at 10:16 AM, August 27th (Thursday)]

dblackstar2002 posted 8/27/2020 10:36 AM

Way to go my man! I can't remember where I heard this, But these words seem to apply to you. " Life is a storm my friend, You will bask in the sun one day and be shattered on the rocks the next. But in those times you must stand and shout to that storm, Bring your worse to you worse for I shall do mine!". Good luck in you future, I think you are on the path to a good one...

Justsomeguy posted 8/27/2020 11:03 AM

My STBXWW tried to pull the 25 years together should count for something. I pointed out that is didn't count for anything when you decided to have an affair, why the sudden increase in value?

Stinger posted 8/27/2020 11:03 AM

Once one accepts that there's is, in many cases, a narcissist, the path becomes clearer. Not easier, but if you research these types, you will know you really had no other choice than to jettison.

They are a special breed, unremorseful cheaters.

EllieKMAS posted 8/27/2020 11:16 AM

I am a good man. While I do not deserve the abuse that has been delivered for me to face - at this point, I welcome it. FUCK YOU to all of the forces in the world that have put these obstacles in my path toward happiness. I will be a model of victory for my boys and those that read this story later in my life. I will be happy. I will be successful despite the deep scars to my core.
Drop the mic sir.

I am glad it seems like you are in a slightly better head space these days BSH. Just know that it DOES get better. Allow yourself the space to grieve and have sad/mad days too, but just know that those days are finite.

Phantasmagoria posted 8/27/2020 13:39 PM

I will not be defined by all of the things that stand in my path to being a happy, attractive man who is engaged in a life that serves as a role model to two amazing young men that has so much to offer the people we interact with today and in the future - especially MY young men that have an entire life to lead in this crazy world. I will be an amazing role model - strong, yet vulnerable, caring yet tough, and resilient despite the challenges put in my path.

I suggest you keep a copy of what you wrote above by your bedside and read it frequently.

If you are a person of reason and practical thinking, divorcing a narcissist is a long, torturous, and exhaustive process (especially when they don’t want the divorce!).

It’s during the divorce process that they truly reveal their nastiness and immeasurable sense of entitlement. They’re like rabid dogs, which means you have to rise very high above their behaviour, no matter how much you want to react or defend your character.

Basically, they’re nut jobs!

beenthereinco posted 8/27/2020 13:50 PM

Hi BSH,
SO glad to see you in such a good headspace. I read a lot of outrageous things on this forum with someone usually saying that this is the "worst" they've read or the most unbelievable or something along that line but I can truly say that your WW having a long term affair with a man that she expects you to believe SHE DOES NOT KNOW THE NAME OF is the craziest thing that a Wayward has tried to get a Betrayed to believe. I am so glad you can see that she is not really remorseful by continuing to cling to that statement.

Kaliber posted 8/27/2020 15:52 PM

I will not be defined by all of the things that stand in my path to being a happy, attractive man who is engaged in a life that serves as a role model to two amazing young men that has so much to offer the people we interact with today and in the future - especially MY young men that have an entire life to lead in this crazy world. I will be an amazing role model - strong, yet vulnerable, caring yet tough, and resilient despite the challenges put in my path.

No wards!
Just fabulous!!

pureheartkit posted 8/28/2020 09:37 AM

You came through a dark pit of lies to the best truth of all.

Your life will be yours. It will be a life you are happy about. You will feel good about yourself and you will grow in spirit and health. Your kids will share in your happiness.

It just gets better from here.

Every survivor of a narcissist went through scalding pain. The narcissist looks for trusting, stable people to use as a respectable,responsible facade while they wear the mask they show to us and others.

I'm so happy for you that you see your strengths clearly. You did not get trapped in pain or self doubt. Take your good and honest nature and soar to a better life. Nothing can hold you back. No one can hinder you. It's the best feeling in the world.

pureheartkit posted 8/30/2020 20:07 PM

How are you today?

Buffer posted 8/31/2020 00:26 AM

When you D wouldn’t she be on the hook for alimony? She is earning more and you will have the children.
One day at a time

paboy posted 9/14/2020 00:54 AM

BSH, How are you doing?

ThemeforaJackyl2 posted 10/25/2020 05:35 AM

Not sure if this was brought up. Or if it still matters. Who paid for the hotel rooms? Maybe the hotel could be helpful in finding out who's credit card was used. Just a possibility. If still relevant.

ThemeforaJackyl2 posted 10/25/2020 05:35 AM

Not sure if this was brought up. Or if it still matters. Who paid for the hotel rooms? Maybe the hotel could be helpful in finding out who's credit card was used. Just a possibility. If still relevant.

KingofNothing posted 10/25/2020 15:26 PM

I think he's moved on.

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