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Update to Christmas Eve D-Day

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heartbrokeninNC posted 6/25/2020 06:48 AM

Thanks Ginny!! I am hurting immensely and every time WW does this it feels like another punch to the gut. I've got to power through this because I know there is someone better on the other side.

This season will change!!!.

Bigger posted 6/25/2020 07:38 AM

There is old African folklore about a man who walks past a snake stuck in a ditch. The snake begs the man to save him. The man refuses because he fears the snake will bite him. The snake promises solemnly not to bite, so the man reluctantly reaches into the ditch and lifts the snake out. Once free the snake turns to the man and bites him. As he lays there dying the man asks “Why did you bite me? You promised not to!”. The snake looks him in the eye and replies; “What else could I do. I’m a snake”.

Your WW is that snake. The infidelity is that snake. The divorce is that snake. As long as you keep a safe distance and know what you are dealing with you will be OK. But even promises of a fair deal, she will leave and all that... wait for actions and not words.

When I deal with unpleasant people or difficult situations I always keep the end-goal in mind. I always try to evaluate my best path to resolution on what I’m dealing with. Your end-goal is a successful divorce and custody of your son. The house? Not so much really. Not that PARTICULAR house. You can create a home wherever you are. It’s a nice-to-have and convenient, but frankly if she starts being a snake about the house and separation then don’t allow that to divert you from your end-goal.

The weekend? What I found helpful when thinking about what my ex and what she was doing is to remember that precisely what she was doing is why I was leaving. Instead of feeling sorry… well… I felt grateful.

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/25/2020 08:54 AM

But even promises of a fair deal, she will leave and all that... wait for actions and not words.

I am not underestimating her by any means when it comes to dealing with WW. Legally, I'm going through my attorneys. Also, looking at her as the adversary at this point, nothing less and nothing more. I've been making life as hard for her at home as possible by not doing anything for her. She absolutely hates this but I really don't care about her anymore. I will only speak to her if it pertains to the kids and WW knows that I do not care what she does going forward.

The weekend? What I found helpful when thinking about what my ex and what she was doing is to remember that precisely what she was doing is why I was leaving. Instead of feeling sorry… well… I felt grateful.

I'm not feeling sorry at all, yes the situation does suck and I'm not going to lie. Been using this time to be with the kids and to pursue my own interests when they are not around. To be honest, I'm happier when she is not around and there is peace and quiet. With that comes clarity of purpose, for that I am grateful as she is doing me a service.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 1:45 PM, June 25th (Thursday)]

Buffer posted 6/25/2020 21:41 PM

Some one posted that you shouldn’t be too upset knowing your discarded STBX is going to the less fortunate.
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/26/2020 11:09 AM

Some one posted that you shouldn’t be too upset knowing your discarded STBX is going to the less fortunate.

Buffer, I'm not upset just pissed off because she didn't have the intestinal fortitude to come to me years ago to let me know she was "unhappy". POS is actually doing me a favor. I'm in a really good mood today because the WW is out of town for the next week or forever. Hopefully, the latter!!!

Buffer posted 6/27/2020 08:38 AM

There is a severe lacking of ‘intestinal fortitude’ on her side.

Strange that is one of my Navy saying when addressing my troops.
Buffer

homewrecked2011 posted 6/27/2020 09:04 AM

Once my xwh was out of the house my life and my children’s became so much better!

I told the kids this was our safe zone from the whole world. They have thrived ! This place was where they could just “be”.

Their Dad tried (before legal separation was in place) to come here and cause trouble. I didn’t engage, just called the police on him.

We did have a few tough evenings after they would come back from visiting their Dad, as it was difficult for them to see their family unit split, but in the long run it was a total blessing to get that cancer of a WS out of this home!

So happy you are pushing for this for you and your children!

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/27/2020 11:41 AM

Thank you so much homewrecked2011, it's been nice and quiet this weekend without WW being around. NC will be a piece of cake once she is out.

DS18 quipped to me last night and said "Dad, it is so quiet and relaxing not having to take care of mom."

Newlifeisgreat posted 6/27/2020 15:42 PM

Great job!
Keep moving forward, and the view of her will get smaller and smaller in your rear view mirror

Head up
Shoulders back
Keep eyes focused on the future

Be proud of the man you see in the mirror!

The1stWife posted 6/27/2020 18:35 PM

DS18 quipped to me last night and said "Dad, it is so quiet and relaxing not having to take care of mom."

Poor kids. Things can only get better. Is she trying for custody?

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/27/2020 18:53 PM

Poor kids. Things can only get better. Is she trying for custody?

WW has not indicated that she will sue for custody. It will be a losing battle as DD16 was the discoverer of the affair and has made every indication that she is staying put with me. On a side note, I will not allow DD to be anywhere near POS AP.

Buffer posted 6/27/2020 20:01 PM

Be strong dude
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/28/2020 09:52 AM

Be strong dude

Trust me I am brother. Been listening a lot to the "Show Must Go On" by Queen. The third chorus especially sticks out the most:

The show must go on
The show must go on
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in

On with the show

I'm not going to let WW determine my happiness.

Buffer posted 6/29/2020 02:50 AM

👍💪🖖

The1stWife posted 6/29/2020 06:18 AM

👊🏼

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/29/2020 06:40 AM

Thanks, Buffer, and The1stWife!! Gathering strength each day since WW is out of the house with POS "doing a free trial week" at his place. There is serenity and the great thing is that I do not even notice WW's absence. I can't wait until she fully moves out in order to start the healing process.

Tigersrule77 posted 6/29/2020 07:05 AM

Are you claiming infidelity as the reason for the D with the court? In my state (MD) you have a wait a year, unless there are one of a few issues and that is one of them. If so, you can D immediately. I wasn't going to use that, but my XWW was anxious to have the D finalized, as she was pregnant by someone else.

Point being, even in a no-fault state, I would be documenting the A just in case you need evidence of it.

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/29/2020 07:21 AM

Basing the grounds for my D on the ongoing PA and financial impropriety. WW spends worse than a drunken sailor on liberty in Thailand. The affair has been documented through bank statements, texts and FB messenger screen shots. I've got evidence that she has been bankrolling the whole affair through the joint account which I've since stopped depositing to.

Still have to wait a full year for the separation then file for D in NC.

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/29/2020 14:25 PM

I guess WW came home today from being out of state since 6/25. Thought this was going to be for the week, this should be good!!

Shockedmom posted 6/29/2020 14:51 PM

Please make sure you have a VAR on you at all times. She may fake domestic violence charge to strengthen her legal position. Be prepared for love bombing as well.

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